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self-realization

Extreme Self-Realization with Chris Duffin


Are you the victim or the hero of your life? Did you know that the choice is yours? You have the power to leave the past behind and construct your own world by extreme self-realization.

Today’s guest is Chris Duffin. He is known as “The Mad Scientist of Strength” and holds the world record for dead lifts. He is also an entrepreneur and the author of The Eagle and the Dragon: A Story of Strength and Reinvention.

Chris Duffin has one of the most brutal childhood stories you will ever hear. His life was full of poverty, hardship, and confusion. But Chris refused to let the past define him and is now living the life he purposely created for himself, doing what he loves and thriving with his family.

Listen to Chris Duffin’s story of extreme self-realization and how you can decide who you want to be and how you will leave your mark on the world.

Chris Duffin

Chris Duffin is the Co-founder and Chief Engineer at Kabuki Strength, an organization devoted to optimizing human performance and making the world a better place through strength. He previously worked as a corporate executive and has turned around automotive, aerospace, heavy equipment, and high-tech manufacturing industries.

Chris was previously ranked number one in the world in various powerlifting disciplines and has held numerous world records. Now retired, he is known for his industry-changing innovations and education in the strength and clinical worlds. He’s a leading speaker on topics related to strength and human movement, and performs insane feats of strength to help charities and organizations whose work he believes in.

It’s very important to understand that the things that happen to you are not who you are.—Chris Duffin

The Eagle and the Dragon

The world may know Chris Duffin as “The Mad Scientist of Strength,” but you wouldn’t have ever guessed that if you saw the scrawny kid skinning rattlesnakes and chasing dragonflies in the early ’80s. The story of his unconventional life will take you from gripping tales of murder, trauma, heartbreak, and survival deep in the Pacific Northwest wilderness all the way to an idealization of the self-made man–still flawed, but never broken.

In The Eagle and the Dragon, you’ll follow one man’s journey into the darkness of his own heart and witness the transformation of alcoholism, pain, and defeat into vision, character, and victory. Through Chris’s powerful self-realization, you’ll see how the human spirit can be either shackled by circumstance or freed from it.

What You’ll Learn

  • Chris’s upbringing in a family of 7 living on $5,000 a year
  • He was homeless half his life, living in the wilderness among shady people who avoided society like murderers, serial killers, and human traffickers.
  • When Chris was in high school, they moved into a mobile home and he finally felt stability. It had no doors inside, and they had to cover the windows with plastic. When they moved out, the fire department burned it down because it was unlivable.
  • His mom grew marijuana for a living.
  • What it’s like reflecting back on his life and imaging his kids going through what he went through
  • Why Chris would still not change anything about his life
  • How Chris took custody of his three sisters while he was working through college
  • His mother was one of the strongest people he knows. She taught him discipline, perseverance, and how to live by your own rules. She was abused when she was younger and distrusted society, so she made a life off the grid.
  • Chris’s biological dad was a Mensa, intelligent and disturbed. He suffered major depression and alcoholism. They had a pen pal relationship.
  • How Chris watched his father attempt suicide
  • Chris’s stepfather was an artist, writer, and musician. He was a recovering heroin addict who got clean to be with Chris’s mom. Still, he had major mental health issues.
  • The impact of both Chris’s fathers dying in similar ways and leaving absolutely nothing behind to show for their lives.
  • When Chris realized he wanted to make his mark, to leave a legacy that he did good in the world
  • Chris’s mom wanted to create her own world, and she did. Chris followed her footsteps and created his own world, except one in society. Either way, it’s still freedom.
  • The stories we make up about ourselves take away our power. You’re the only one holding yourself back.
  • How to forgive people for their faults and look for positive things
  • The power of always looking to the future
  • You are defined by your actions and your response to your environment.
  • The story of the eagle—to break free from self-limitation and fly to the heights of what you can accomplish
  • How to begin the purposeful reinvention of oneself
  • Choosing who you are and taking the steps to become that version of yourself
  • Don’t dwell in the past. The only reason to look back is for evaluation.
  • Why you must understand your values before you set goals
  • Chris’s hobby of building custom vehicles
  • Why he doesn’t place job ads or look at resumes when hiring for his company
  • How men get blunted in a disengaged life.
  • Chris wants his children to know that they can form the world around them and shows this through his actions.
  • Why stress should NOT be avoided.
  • Strength is adapting to stress and makes us stronger and more resilient
  • Seeking physical, mental, emotional challenges to grow stronger.
  • Finding the balance to care for your children while teaching them strength and resilience
  • The key to success is finding the people with the same values.
  • Physical strength is the least important. Mental, emotional, and spiritual strength are the most valuable.

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save marriage Larry Bilotta

The Matrix of Marriage with Larry Bilotta


So many men are married and miserable. The worst part about this is we accept it. We think that’s the way marriage is supposed to be. We can blame it on our spouse. We might say its because of our work, the kids, or the society we live in, but rarely do we look at ourselves.

Whether your marriage is in a rut, a rough patch, or a full-blown crisis, today’s episode will change everything you thought you knew about being married.

Marriage Coach Larry Bilotta is our guest. He is going to shift your perspectives about the core problems between husbands and wives using the movie The Matrix as an analogy. You will be shown the hidden dynamics of relationships and how you alone can save your marriage by changing your programming.

Will you take the blue pill or the red pill?

'The reason I couldn’t run away was because I was programmed to be married and miserable.' – @LarryBilotta #men #husbands #marriage #manhood #thematrix Click To Tweet

'The greater the chaos, the shorter the marriage.' – @LarryBilotta #marriage #relationships #childhood #wifes #husbands #divorce Click To Tweet

Larry Bilotta

Larry Bilotta endured 27 years of hell in a marriage. In the 28th year, he fell in love with his wife. Now they’ve been married for over 43 years and are more solid than ever.

Why did he stay in an unhappy marriage for so long? What changed after 27 years for him to finally fall in love with his wife?

Larry constantly looked for answers on how to fix his unhappy existence. He was hungry to learn why he and his wife could not get it right. Finally, everything came together for him. He realized the source of the pain was not the relationship. It was much deeper than that.

What You’ll Learn

  • The real reason we stay married and miserable
  • Why men are in the dark and baffled as to what is wrong with their relationships
  • Why conventional techniques to fix relationships don’t work on some couples
  • Why marriages become troubled because of childhood pain
  • Why knowing what happened to you is more important than what happened to your relationship
  • What is “program possession”
  • How our programs possess us and make us do things we regret
  • How to tell who will leave the marriage first
  • How the personal pursuit of happiness has destroyed family
  • How men lose their wives’ hearts
  • How to get rid of your programs
  • Why your bad marriage has nothing to do with your wife
  • How to start saving your marriage by changing your energy
  • What intimacy really means
  • Why we do not have to get our wives involved with saving the marriage
  • How to become a “changer” instead of “reactor”
  • Why you must slow down time when you’re being attacked
'You’re wife is a reactor. If you bring gratitude, she’ll react to it. Likewise if it’s criticism and blame, she reacts to that.' – @LarryBilotta #marriage #relationships #divorce #saveyourmarriage #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment Click To Tweet

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relentless pursuit of greatness Thomas Williams

The Relentless Pursuit of Greatness with former NFL Pro Thomas Williams

Today we have a treat for you. We’re interviewing former pro football player Thomas Williams who’s played for the Jaguars, the Seahawks, the Patriots, the Bills, and the Panthers. Listen as he takes us from overcoming his troubled childhood, to achieving his NFL dream, to using a career-ending injury as the jump-off point to the relentless pursuit of greatness.

Thomas Williams

Thomas struggled through a childhood of adversity. He was born to a white mother and a black father who split up when he was little and moved to opposite sides of the country. Thomas lived in a small town called Vacaville, CA with his mother. As a child he had a build up of anger and, being biracial he struggled with identity issues. He got into fights with other kids and was always getting into trouble at school.

What Thomas remembers most was thinking, why isn’t my dad here? He felt alone, hurt, and angry. He saw all the other kids with their dads and felt resentful. He took his frustration out on his teachers and schoolmates.

At the end of first grade, he got suspended. His mom said she  couldn’t take it anymore. Thomas still regrets what he said to her that day. He told her he didn’t love her and that he wanted to go live with his dad.

Thomas got what he wished for and went to live with his dad for a whole year. He expected to do all the father/son stuff–going to games, playing catch, and spending time together. The reality was altogether different. His dad was still in the military and spent little time at home. On most days, Thomas had to let himself in the house after school and cook and clean for himself. He was also exposed to alcohol abuse, gambling, and fornication at an extremely young age. His dad’s idea of fatherly instruction was to sit down with Thomas when he was in 2nd grade and watch Boyz n the Hood. The portrayal of the father and son in the movie was his indirect message to Thomas of what he expected their relationship to be like.

Thomas asked to move back to live with his mother by his 3rd grade year. He was never so apologetic. However, after the experience of living with his father and being exposed to such an unhealthy adult way of life, he noticed he was much more mature than his peers. He felt isolated and started getting into fights and into trouble again.

After he realized how truly frightened his mom was about his future, Thomas finally made the decision to change in the 6th grade and began a transformation into a more positive mindset. This allowed him to pursue his new dream, which was to be on a field with people filling the stadiums to see him play. His mom was doubtful that he could make it. Not many people succeed in professional sports, but he didn’t let her discourage him. He gave himself permission to dream, and he worked until that dream came true.

Football Career

Thomas gave everything he had to make it to pro football, but when asked what it was like to make it to the NFL he says:

It’s everything you can possibly imagine and less.

He found it unfulfilling compared to his expectations. He had the money and the status. He was living the dream, but like when he was able to move to his dad’s, the reality of the situation was entirely different. He had become a man by surmounting obstacles to reach his goals. Because of the determination and toughness he developed, he knew he couldn’t fail no matter the outcome. He realized that the journey was what was important, not the destination.

Don’t do things for the outcome. Do things because that’s who you are.

Thomas continued to push himself in his performance before suffering a severe neck injury that ended his football career for good. That night, he went to bed as a professional athlete, and the next morning, woke up as a former professional athlete. He was only 29 years old.

This didn’t stop him at all. Thomas knew he lived a hell of a life already, and he knew it was time to transform yet again. He wanted to share his story and show others that they can achieve their dreams no matter how big they are. It was this passion that gave him the platform to his purpose. Now he is a coach, a motivational speaker, and the author of two books.

Thomas Williams Dad Wisdom

Thomas isn’t a dad yet. He’s not even a husband yet, but he watches and learns from all those around him. He believes the most important thing to teach his future kids is that it’s okay to be themselves.

 

Did you catch all our episodes with the Navy SEALs? Click here.


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How to Live a Life That Counts

How to Live a Life that Counts with John Williams

John Williams is the founder of a non-profit organization called Life That Counts. Today on The Good Dad Project, he shares his story of childhood adversity and talks about how he is raising his two boys, how he keeps his marriage on point, and what amazing things he is doing in the world.

 

John Williams

John Williams grew up in Alabama in a dysfunctional household. He never knew his father. He lived with his mom, his little brother, and his cousin. The man of the house was his tyrannical alcoholic uncle. Daily life was plagued by profanity and poverty. John Williams remembers that he always felt the huge void of his dad’s absence in his life.The man in their lives, his uncle, was not really a man. He never held down a job or kept a relationship. he was a terrorist in the home. There was no discipline, no encouragement, no one to witness his mistakes and to show him how to take ownership of them. He also felt for his mom, who had no one to share the burden of hard times with.

As John grew older, he experience frustration and rage. He watched himself do terrible things. He became violent in front of his mom. One time, he frightened her so badly that she took his little brother and fled the home.

He knew this wasn’t who he wanted to be, but he lived that way into his twenties. He was defensive and always fighting against the world. Eventually a mentor show up in his life who told him that he had to quit living for what he was against and figure out how to live for what he was for. Today he is determined to stop the echoes of his volatile childhood.

My wife is going to know her husband, and my kids are going to know their father.

On Marriage

John Williams and his wife just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary. She was his high school sweetheart, and the one thing they agreed on before they got married was to eliminate the ‘D’ word from their vocabulary. Divorce was not an option. They pledged themselves wholeheartedly to on another. They keep in mind that they are both human and are prone to screw up. John knows that he isn’t the same man he was ten years ago, or even a month or a day ago. He recognizes the change and growth in his wife as well. They give each other the latitude to grow, change, and adapt over time.

If you want a relationship like the one you had when you first fell in love, you have to do those things you did when you first fell in love.

Life That Counts

John Williams believes in consciously approaching life instead of reacting to our fight or flight instincts. Now he is helping his kids and children everywhere to develop decision-making skills that lead to healthy outcomes. John believes that higher expectations lead to increased performance. When more is expected of students from teachers and parents, they will go further. But he has noticed that when more is expected from students by their peers, the results can not only change their lives, but the culture of the entire school. Peer-to-peer mentoring removes the spotlight from kids’ negative behaviors and puts the focus on behavior that generates positive outcomes. That is why Life That Counts is offering this program to schools at no cost. John Williams wants to show kids how to be the hero of their own stories.

We have to remember that we hold influence and we do have sway, and whatever we want to do in life, we can.


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Uncovering the Truth About Anger with Peter Sacco

Most men struggle with anger daily. Our tempers flare at work and at home with our wife and kids. Some of us are like Bruce Banner. Some of us turn into the Incredible Hulk. Canada’s psyche doctor, Peter Andrew Sacco tells us the secrets to where anger comes from, how to manage it, and so much more. You don’t want to skip this mind-blowing episode!

We are full-time workers, dads, and husbands. As men, it’s sometimes hard to control our anger. Discovering what type of temperament we have will help us find better ways to manage our anger, improve our relationships, and set an example for our kids on how to deal with their emotions too.

Peter Sacco

Peter Sacco, author of What’s Your Anger Type? is a psychology professor, a former private practitioner and is a regularly featured guest on television and radio. He is also an award-winning executive producer and has hosted many documentaries on relationships, psychological issues, and children’s issues. Peter Sacco has done extensive work in support groups and in anger management, especially with dads who are abusive towards kids and spouses.

Anger is a normal

Anger is a normal emotion. It’s how we deal with it that can be destructive.

Anger makes a person seem more authoritative and powerful, but the truth is that people with an anger problem actually feel they have no control in their lives. A lot of this aggression comes from unresolved issues in childhood and from shame or rage from being rejected as a kid.

Anger can be addictive

Anger is like a drug. When a person gets incensed, they experience an adrenaline rush. Being angry gives the sensation of dominance and control. It overpowers the fear that lies beneath it and gives a person a sense of power because it’s a stronger emotion than depression.

Is there hope for men with anger issues?

Some men who’ve come from a chaotic childhood feel doomed. They believe they’re broken and can’t be fixed. But Peter Sacco says there is tremendous hope for people with anger issues, but they have to do the work.

“You’ve got to want to be the change in your own life”

The Anger Cycle

Just like a soldier who has experienced PTSD, a person with a traumatic or abusive past might cope with unresolved emotions in different destructive ways. Some may use drugs and alcohol, some might vent their rage on certain races, others will withdraw or play the victim.

“Today’s catchers are tomorrow’s pitchers.”

A person who has anger issues will be more likely to take it on one his family. If your relationships fall apart and your work life is full of turmoil, the common denominator is you. It may be time to seek help.

Anger and bullying

Bullied kids lack self-esteem and confidence. They suffer from anxiety and depression. Some overcome it through counseling and become normal. Some cope by learning to be helpless and withdraw. Others develop a superiority complex and become bullies themselves, using aggression, rage, or passive aggression on others.

Why Kids are Suffering from Anxiety and Depression

Parents spend 2.5 to 6.5 minutes talking to their kids each day. In this small amount of time, the communication is usually corrective or punitive. It’s not at a deep intimate level because parents shy away from intimacy from their kids. ADHD has gone up. Divorce rates have risen. Peter Sacco believes it’s this lack of intimacy that’s more responsible than toxins in the environment or ingredients in food. Communication is the key.

Tips for improving communication with your kids

  1. How to start the conversation – If you feel uncomfortable speaking with your kids, find a situation where you’re most comfortable. Dinner is the best and most traditional forum for families to talk. Sit at the table. Make your kids accountable. Every day, ask them to give five things they’re grateful for. Then tell them to talk about one or two things they didn’t like. This will open up communication.
  2. Don’t start out questions with WHY – “Why” pushes someone in a corner. Be a facilitator, don’t treat kids as miniature adults. Don’t say why was your day bad? Say, if your day could go anyway you wanted, what would that be?
  3. Be more creative with questions – Do not be so direct. Maybe some things they’re facing will come out.
  4. Make yourself the go-to guy – Fathers are the breadwinners, and many feel that as long as they provide for their children, they’re doing their job as a parent. Most dads will plan adventures or bond over sports, but these activates focus on the event, not the father/child relationship. Dads should sit down with their kid and ask, “I’m Dad and you’re my child – let me ask you a question. What do I mean to you as a father? How do you see me? The all-knowing problem solver? Nagger? Coach? Disciplinarian? Teacher? How can I be a better dad?”
  5. How to talk about bullying – Kids won’t talk about being bullied because they’re afraid their parents will be ashamed of them. If you suspect bullying, don’t think that nothing’s happening and wait for it to go away on its own. It will wreck a child’s self-esteem. It’s crucial for kids to know that bullying happens in all walks of life. There is nothing to be ashamed of and that they can talk to you about it.

When Dads Get Angry

Even on our best days, our patience will run out. Peter Sacco says that the best way to communicate anger is to tell your kids you’re not feeling well. Tell them you just need a few moments. Instead of making it worse, treat anger like you have an upset stomach or like you’re going to vomit. You don’t want to talk about it. You want to be left alone. You’re not lying by saying you’re not feeling well because anger is a feeling. In a half hour, the emotions pass, and you’ll be in rational mindset to talk.



Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Peter Sacco’s Links

PeterSacco.com

BullyingisfortheBirds.com

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