How you can change your perception and change your life
Are you a “the glass is half full” or “the glass is half empty” type of Dad? If you are half full, then you further ahead than most of us when it comes to perspective.
Perspective is the secret sauce to a happy life and a fulfilled journey as a Dad. Our perspectives can make us or break us. The right perspective can allow us to soar and the wrong perspective can make us crash and burn. If our perspective is off, that is ok. It’s being aware and knowing how to change your perspective that is critical.
- Why your perspective is your reality
- How your reality is the world you live in
- Learn how to change your world by changing your perception
- Discover how to make a few simple tweaks to your everyday life that will help you to thrive instead of simply survive.
- In this episode, Shawn and I really put ourselves out there with some drastic mistakes we were making on a daily basis. These mistakes were destroying the enjoyment of fatherhood.
- Shawn and I talk about some of the consequences we experienced just by not having the right perspective
Change your perception after a long day
I was a pain in the rear when I came home from work in the evening because I focused on all the wrong things.
Let me give you an example of how “pleasant” I used to be when I came home from work. I am shocked to this day that Jessica take my head off for years.
I would come home on a daily basis (nearly every day) from work in a foul and defeated mood. The days were long, I raced against deadlines, I had people needing something from me every minute of every day. Eight to ten hours of this chaos wore my patience down to nothing.
I would come home expecting to walk into a sanctuary of peace and happiness. For some crazy reason, I would expect that dinner might be done, laundry would be folded, and the house would be clean. Let me make one thing clear, I knew these expectations were lofty. My wife is a busy stay at home mom who is doing an amazing job of raising three boys (9,7, and 2) during the day. (Any of you with around this age reading this are probably laughing at how naive my expectations were.) In a perfect world, I desired to have all these things (dinner, clean home, folded laundry, and the kids quiet) because I wanted to come home to peace after a long day. However, with a busy family and three boys, this isn’t a possibility for the most part. Moreover, shame on me for even expecting that it was.
This type of perspective was all wrong. Not only was my perspective completely wrong, but it was caused me to look at all those things in a really negative way. I saw crumbs on the floor, which meant I should probably clean them up. I saw laundry that needed to be folded which meant more to do. I saw dinner wasn’t done, which meant now I should help. I saw toys everywhere which meant there was more to pick up.
I had it all wrong.
The Result: When I would walk in after a long day, I would be more stressed than when I walked in. I would immediately be cold and unwelcoming to my kids who greeted me at the door. I would look past their smiles and see only a mess. I would look past a wife that was happy to see me and see only a mess.
I had it all wrong. I needed to change my perspective.
I finally learned that there was only one person that was making me miserable, and that was ME. I decided to change my perspective. Perspective is all about choice. I had to ask myself, “are you going to see the negative or the positive?”
So, here is how I began to reframe it all.
When I saw crumbs under the table: instead of seeing a mess, I now see that my job provided food for us to eat.
When I saw clothes that needed to be folded: instead of being more stressed, I am now reminded our family has clothes to wear.
When I am greeted by my kids with smiling faces: I now decide to see that, receive it, and enjoy it.
When I am greeted by my wife: I am reminded that my job provides enough means for her to stay home and that our kids have a wonderful mom that can be there for them during the day.
How Shawn Changed His Perspective:
Shawn went through a similar learning process as a new husband when he first got married. When he first got married, he was in the middle of the launch of his brand and business. Shawn’s focus has always been on helping people become their best by optimizing their health. Over the years, he has worked extremely hard to get where he is at today. Shawn is a true entrepreneur through and through. He thrives on living his passion. He thrives on the uncertainty of being an entrepreneur. Most of us are not wired like this. Most of us really enjoy a financial life of certainty. Not Shawn…he would rather risk certainty and help people.
In the beginning of his marriage to his lovely wife, Anne, he explains how he had his perspective all wrong. When Anne and Shawn first met, it was love right from the start. There was no wrong that either of them could do. However, right after they got married, things started to change a bit. Shawn started going in one direction with his career and Anne was going in another. Shawn’s perspective was he would be very successful if Anne was on board with his mission of owning his own business. Like so many of us, one of Anne’s needs is to feel safe and certain. As we all know, the world of entrepreneurship can be anything but safe and certain. As a result, it was difficult for her to be on board with his vision in the beginning.
Since Anne didn’t really seem on board with Shawn’s vision, he began to see her as more of an “anchor” holding him back. Their relationship became strained and tensions were high from time to time. It wasn’t until Shawn realized that his lifestyle of entrepreneurship and uncertainty made Anne pretty uncomfortable. Once he realized one of her basic needs was to feel secure and certain, Shawn began to make a change in his perspective.
He learned he had to give first before expecting to receive support. He noticed the more he paid attention to her need of certainty, the more supportive she became. Presently, Anne is Shawn’s biggest fan and number one supporter. Not only does she support him, but she pushes him to grow even further.
Shawn made one big change that many of us miss. He decided give Anne what she needed instead of falling into a trap of resentment.
Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE
Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS
Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!