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Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol with Ruari Fairbairns

Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol with Ruari Fairbairns


Alcohol is embedded into our society. Besides its traditional use as a social lubricant and its presence in nearly every celebration, the alcohol industry has psychologically programmed us to crave alcohol. But is it really adding to our enjoyment of life?

Today we have Ruari Fairbairns back on the show. He is the cofounder of One Year No Beer, a massive, global alcohol-free movement. Ruari started in a job where drinking was part of a successful career, but he when he became a dad, the late nights and hangovers threatened his relationship with his family. He quit alcohol and was surprised to find how it revolutionized his life. His story comes full circle with a recent encounter with the Dalai Lama.

Ruari talks about rewiring your brain and changing your relationship with alcohol. Whether it’s the occasional binge or a few daily beers after work, alcohol has a huge impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. He also tells us how to combat the stigma associated with not drinking and how to be alcohol-free and still have fun.

One Year No Beer

Society has conditioned you that you need alcohol to be successful, to be cool, to be sexy, to have fun, to relax, the list goes on and on. How will you fare going up against years of social conditioning, second-hand peer pressure and self-doubt, all on your own?

The key difference between One Year No Beer challenges and just “stopping drinking” is that we teach you to have a mindset shift. We help break down the habits associated with drinking, the same habits that can help change multiple areas of your life.

What You’ll Learn

  • Alcohol is the most harmful drug in existence to individuals and society
  • How Ruari had the chance opportunity to meet the Dalai Lama
  • The Dalai Lamas surprising answer to Ruari’s question, “What would you say to somebody who is trying to change their relationships with addictions?”
  • Why we have to involve alcohol in social settings
  • The trillions of dollars the alcohol industry has spent on marketing
  • How our identity and tribalism are associated with alcohol
  • How society will soon shift away from promoting alcohol, just like cigarettes
  • The idea behind OYNB
  • How to fight peer pressure to drink
  • Stealth drinking (pretending to drink)
  • The “FEAR” behind quitting alcohol (False Evidence Appearing Real)
  • How to not be the boring sober person
  • How OYNB uses social media as a step to change
  • How if you’re drinking more than 5 or 6 beers a week regularly, the OYNB program will have a huge impact
  • How a low amount of alcohol can have a massive impact without you realizing it
  • How long it takes to process alcohol
  • How alcohol is literally poison—ethanol, a colorless flammable liquid
  • How the liver must process alcohol before anything else, including fat
  • Alcohol is a known depressant
  • Why hangovers last longer as you get older
  • Most people don’t know who they are or who they can be until they detox
  • Why choosing to quit is different from being forced to quit
  • What can dads expect who rely on a beer to chill out after work
  • How to still enjoy beer while being alcohol free
  • How drinking alcohol-free beer releases dopamine and helps you relearn how to relax without alcohol
  • How Ruari does drink sometimes
  • When quitting alcohol, think of what you’ll gain. If you come from a place from abstaining from something you love, it reaffirms that you’re making a sacrifice
  • The details of all One Year No Beer challenges
  • How to switch off a stressed brain at night
  • Freeing yourself from other addictions by starting with quitting alcohol—it will change your relationship with all things
  • How going alcohol free will help you be a better dad, husband, and man

When there’s pain, if you invest your time, energy, and resources where that pain is, it will most likely evolve and flourish.

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Mentioned Episodes: 

The Life Lessons Learned from Going One Year Without Drinking

How to Conquer Alcohol Addiction with Ruari Fairbains


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Connect with Ruari and OYNB

info@oneyearnobeer.com

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How to Parent Kids with Anxiety and Depression Parenting Survival Podcast

How to Parent Kids with Anxiety and Depression

More kids are suffering from anxiety and depression than in any other previous generation. What is it like to raise kids who suffer from anxiety and depression? How can partners align without pointing fingers and being hurtful?

I went on the Parenting Survival Podcast to talk about the struggles I had parenting my son who has anxiety issues. Most dads are ill equipped to manage this problem, and a special skill set is required along with understanding and patience. I discuss how to use emotional validation and tactical empathy to connect and communicate with our kids as well as our wives. I also give advice on how ladies can better communicate with their men without putting them on the defensive.


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AT Parenting Survival

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journey inward

A Father’s Journey Inward

On Thursdays we like to interview every day dads. Today we talk to Dad Edge Alliance member, Ben. His mission was to become the best father he could be to his 6 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. He knew that they were picking up on what he did, not what he said, but sometimes he had a hard time being calm. After struggling with anxiety most of his life, he realized he needed to find a way to stay patient, especially when the kids were crying and things were stressful with work.

Ben had to go inward to face his flaws, to confront the truth about who he was and who he wanted to be. This unlocked the journey to living his life according to his values, to staying calm through the storm by accepting others as they are and letting go of the need to control.

The less pressure you exert, the more influence you have. Accept others and don’t control.

 

 

 

RELATED EPISODES

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage Part 1—The Individual

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage Part 2—The Partnership

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage Part 3—Becoming Friends

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage Part 4—Becoming Lovers

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
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CLICK HERE.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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June 6th – 8th 2019

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When a Father Commits Suicide

When a Father Commits Suicide

We all go through dark times in our lives. Whether it’s financial difficulties, marital tension, struggles with our children, or failures in our work, we may sometimes wonder if we’re simply a burden to all those around us.

Today’s guest is Adam Schafer. He is a host on Mind Pump, one of the biggest podcasts on iTunes. Adam is not a dad, but he was the son of a father who committed suicide. Adam was seven years old when his dad shot himself, and the tragedy created a shock wave that still reverberates in his life today.

Children whose fathers commit suicide have a 50/50 chance of being suicidal themselves. Adam struggled with isolation and depression because of the impact of his father’s suicide. He shares how he uses times of darkness to forge himself into the man he is today.

'When you decide to exit out of this place early, I don’t think you realize the collateral damage that truly comes from that.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #mentalhealth #men #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

Adam Schafer’s Story

One day, Adam’s uncle came to pick him up from school. He didn’t see his uncle often, so it was a nice surprise for Adam. But instead of going home, he was taken to a neighbor’s house where the whole family was waiting in tears. Adam was told his father shot himself on accident while cleaning his gun. Of course, this wasn’t the truth.

Adam couldn’t process the emotions. He felt guilty because he didn’t cry at the funeral. When Adam returned to school, he didn’t know what to tell the other kids about his father. He told them his dad died in the Air Force and let them fill in the blanks.

His young mom was at a loss as to what to do. She had to take care of Adam and his younger sister. A year later, she married the first man who came into her life. It was an abusive relationship, and at as young as 8 years old, Adam was between his mom and stepdad breaking up fights.

At the same time, they were a very Christian family. Adam learned and listened in church how people were supposed to treat each other, but he would see the opposite at home. He remembers trying to teach his mom and step dad how to communicate with each other. At the age of 10, he felt like he was the most mature person in the household.

Adam’s mother isolated them, avoiding the stigma that came with the suicide. Because of this, Adam never developed certain social skills that most people take for granted, like how to enjoy family gatherings and how to receive gifts. These experiences were never part of his life.

Adam is now 37 years old. Till this day, he is still sifting through the fallout from his dad’s suicide. It has been a complex and difficult journey but it has also helped Adam become more empathetic and self-aware. He has learned to smirk at times of darkness, knowing that the best times of his life are waiting for him on the other side.

'You create so much damage that a person can’t even unpack and figure out.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #loss #grief #children #families #relationships Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Why you don’t have to have a kid to be in the role of a father
  • How suicide sets up kids for failure later in life
  • How Adam pieced together his father’s suicide
  • What circumstances led to his father’s suicide
  • How the suicide destroyed Adam’s relationship with his mom
  • Why he doesn’t know how to respond to getting gifts
  • His challenges in being part of his wife’s close-knit family
  • How the Bible laid a foundation for his healing
  • How the ripple effect of his dad’s suicide trickles down to younger siblings and to generations past, present, and future
  • Adam’s battle with depression after getting off testosterone
  • His message for dads who are suffering in a pit of darkness
'You’re better off here for sure. In the darkest times, the other side of that is always the best times of my life.'—Adam Schafer #mentalhealth #mentalillness #suicide #suicideawareness #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODE: Mind Pump Ep. 837 – Larry Hagner of the Dad Edge Podcast


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Adam Schafer’s Links

mindpumpmedia.com

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video game addiction

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair


This is a hugely important episode. Video games are part of almost every kids life, but there is a difference between playing for fun and using them to replace real life. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of our popular culture and make up a large part of kids’ social lives.

According to the World Health Organization, video game addiction is now an official mental health condition. It changes a child’s brain chemistry and can lead to depression and isolation.

In this episode, TEDx speaker Cam Adair talks about his experience with gaming disorder. He also tells us why video games are so addictive, how to recognize the signs of video game addiction in our kids, and how parents can set healthy boundaries for gaming.

'Kids are always going to push your boundaries, but you have to stay firm. And especially for parents, you have to do your own emotional intelligence work yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #videogameaddiction #kids… Click To Tweet

 

About Cam Adair

Cam was raised by a loving mother and father, but he always struggled with anxiety and depression. He used video games as an escape, and they provided him relief for a time. The problem was that escaping his mental health issues didn’t fix anything. Cam became so depressed that at nineteen years old, he didn’t feel like there was any point in continuing his life anymore. He wrote a suicide note and was going to kill himself that night.

Luckily, his friends invited him to go watch a movie. That was enough to distract him from his plans so he could think about what he was doing. He knew that there was a big difference between thinking about suicide and actually planning it. It was serious, and he went home to ask his father to get him counseling.

Cam still struggles with his issues but has found healthier ways to deal with them. He’s also founded GameQuitters.com, a resource for parents and teens on how to prevent video game addiction and how to detox from gaming to get back into a real, fulfilling life.

'The thing that’s always kept me alive is knowing my parents’ love and knowing that ending my life wasn’t just about me…'—@camerondare #dads #men #fathers #moms #mothers #parenting #suicide Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • That 13% of kids between grades 7 and 12 have reported a problem with game addiction
  • The negative impact on the brain every year earlier a child starts with games and screen time
  • How gaming prevents kids from developing the intangible skills they need
  • Why video games are entertaining and fun, but cannot fulfill us in life
  • The paradigm of instant gratification that makes normal life boring
  • The emotional needs gaming and tech fulfill
    • escape
    • social connection
    • measurable progress
    • certainty and purpose
  • How the stimulation of gaming far exceeds what you can get in real life
  • Why kids addicted to video games experience withdrawal
  • The 3 structural brain changes that take place during video game addiction
    • Numbed pleasure response
    • Hyper reactivity
    • Willpower erosion
  • How it takes 90 days for brain to come back to normal levels after quitting gaming
  • Which games are more addictive than others and why
  • The incorporation of ads, in-game offers, and gambling type games online
  • How kids face being a social outcast if they don’t participate in gaming
  • Is there a healthy way to game?
  • What can parents do?
  • The dangers of video game binging
  • Why you should let your kid get bored
  • How to help kids during transition phases during the day
  • How to talk to your child about video game addiction
  • Why knowing what you stand for as a parent will help your child
  • Why you should connect with other parents who share the same goals
'Parents need to live an inspired life to be an example to their kids.'—@camerondare #parenting #parents #moms #dads #children #kids #gaming #fortnite #minecraft Click To Tweet

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Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

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Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

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