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When a Father Commits Suicide

When a Father Commits Suicide

We all go through dark times in our lives. Whether it’s financial difficulties, marital tension, struggles with our children, or failures in our work, we may sometimes wonder if we’re simply a burden to all those around us.

Today’s guest is Adam Schafer. He is a host on Mind Pump, one of the biggest podcasts on iTunes. Adam is not a dad, but he was the son of a father who committed suicide. Adam was seven years old when his dad shot himself, and the tragedy created a shock wave that still reverberates in his life today.

Children whose fathers commit suicide have a 50/50 chance of being suicidal themselves. Adam struggled with isolation and depression because of the impact of his father’s suicide. He shares how he uses times of darkness to forge himself into the man he is today.

'When you decide to exit out of this place early, I don’t think you realize the collateral damage that truly comes from that.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #mentalhealth #men #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

Adam Schafer’s Story

One day, Adam’s uncle came to pick him up from school. He didn’t see his uncle often, so it was a nice surprise for Adam. But instead of going home, he was taken to a neighbor’s house where the whole family was waiting in tears. Adam was told his father shot himself on accident while cleaning his gun. Of course, this wasn’t the truth.

Adam couldn’t process the emotions. He felt guilty because he didn’t cry at the funeral. When Adam returned to school, he didn’t know what to tell the other kids about his father. He told them his dad died in the Air Force and let them fill in the blanks.

His young mom was at a loss as to what to do. She had to take care of Adam and his younger sister. A year later, she married the first man who came into her life. It was an abusive relationship, and at as young as 8 years old, Adam was between his mom and stepdad breaking up fights.

At the same time, they were a very Christian family. Adam learned and listened in church how people were supposed to treat each other, but he would see the opposite at home. He remembers trying to teach his mom and step dad how to communicate with each other. At the age of 10, he felt like he was the most mature person in the household.

Adam’s mother isolated them, avoiding the stigma that came with the suicide. Because of this, Adam never developed certain social skills that most people take for granted, like how to enjoy family gatherings and how to receive gifts. These experiences were never part of his life.

Adam is now 37 years old. Till this day, he is still sifting through the fallout from his dad’s suicide. It has been a complex and difficult journey but it has also helped Adam become more empathetic and self-aware. He has learned to smirk at times of darkness, knowing that the best times of his life are waiting for him on the other side.

'You create so much damage that a person can’t even unpack and figure out.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #loss #grief #children #families #relationships Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Why you don’t have to have a kid to be in the role of a father
  • How suicide sets up kids for failure later in life
  • How Adam pieced together his father’s suicide
  • What circumstances led to his father’s suicide
  • How the suicide destroyed Adam’s relationship with his mom
  • Why he doesn’t know how to respond to getting gifts
  • His challenges in being part of his wife’s close-knit family
  • How the Bible laid a foundation for his healing
  • How the ripple effect of his dad’s suicide trickles down to younger siblings and to generations past, present, and future
  • Adam’s battle with depression after getting off testosterone
  • His message for dads who are suffering in a pit of darkness
'You’re better off here for sure. In the darkest times, the other side of that is always the best times of my life.'—Adam Schafer #mentalhealth #mentalillness #suicide #suicideawareness #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODE: Mind Pump Ep. 837 – Larry Hagner of the Dad Edge Podcast


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Adam Schafer’s Links

mindpumpmedia.com

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video game addiction

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair


This is a hugely important episode. Video games are part of almost every kids life, but there is a difference between playing for fun and using them to replace real life. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of our popular culture and make up a large part of kids’ social lives.

According to the World Health Organization, video game addiction is now an official mental health condition. It changes a child’s brain chemistry and can lead to depression and isolation.

In this episode, TEDx speaker Cam Adair talks about his experience with gaming disorder. He also tells us why video games are so addictive, how to recognize the signs of video game addiction in our kids, and how parents can set healthy boundaries for gaming.

'Kids are always going to push your boundaries, but you have to stay firm. And especially for parents, you have to do your own emotional intelligence work yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #videogameaddiction #kids… Click To Tweet

 

About Cam Adair

Cam was raised by a loving mother and father, but he always struggled with anxiety and depression. He used video games as an escape, and they provided him relief for a time. The problem was that escaping his mental health issues didn’t fix anything. Cam became so depressed that at nineteen years old, he didn’t feel like there was any point in continuing his life anymore. He wrote a suicide note and was going to kill himself that night.

Luckily, his friends invited him to go watch a movie. That was enough to distract him from his plans so he could think about what he was doing. He knew that there was a big difference between thinking about suicide and actually planning it. It was serious, and he went home to ask his father to get him counseling.

Cam still struggles with his issues but has found healthier ways to deal with them. He’s also founded GameQuitters.com, a resource for parents and teens on how to prevent video game addiction and how to detox from gaming to get back into a real, fulfilling life.

'The thing that’s always kept me alive is knowing my parents’ love and knowing that ending my life wasn’t just about me…'—@camerondare #dads #men #fathers #moms #mothers #parenting #suicide Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • That 13% of kids between grades 7 and 12 have reported a problem with game addiction
  • The negative impact on the brain every year earlier a child starts with games and screen time
  • How gaming prevents kids from developing the intangible skills they need
  • Why video games are entertaining and fun, but cannot fulfill us in life
  • The paradigm of instant gratification that makes normal life boring
  • The emotional needs gaming and tech fulfill
    • escape
    • social connection
    • measurable progress
    • certainty and purpose
  • How the stimulation of gaming far exceeds what you can get in real life
  • Why kids addicted to video games experience withdrawal
  • The 3 structural brain changes that take place during video game addiction
    • Numbed pleasure response
    • Hyper reactivity
    • Willpower erosion
  • How it takes 90 days for brain to come back to normal levels after quitting gaming
  • Which games are more addictive than others and why
  • The incorporation of ads, in-game offers, and gambling type games online
  • How kids face being a social outcast if they don’t participate in gaming
  • Is there a healthy way to game?
  • What can parents do?
  • The dangers of video game binging
  • Why you should let your kid get bored
  • How to help kids during transition phases during the day
  • How to talk to your child about video game addiction
  • Why knowing what you stand for as a parent will help your child
  • Why you should connect with other parents who share the same goals
'Parents need to live an inspired life to be an example to their kids.'—@camerondare #parenting #parents #moms #dads #children #kids #gaming #fortnite #minecraft Click To Tweet

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Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

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What did you think of the show?

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Tag us when you share on social media!

Twitter @gooddadprojct

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4 Ways Play Helps Dads Lead Richer Lives

4 Ways Play Helps Dads Lead Richer Lives

In our last episode, we had Charlie Hoehn on to tell us about the importance of play in our lives. Not only is a playful mindset good for our health and wellbeing, it’s contagious and benefits all those around us.

In this short show, I highlight four powerful ways play helps dads lead a richer life!

Announcement: We are changing the name of the podcast in a couple weeks to the Dad Edge Podcast. There will be no change in the content or the website. You’ll just see the new show name and logo.

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. - George Bernard Shaw #play #fun #stress #dads #men Click To Tweet

 

 

MENTIONED EPISODES

Play It Away: A Workaholic’s Cure for Anxiety with Charlie Hoehn

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If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

 

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

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Cure for Anxiety

Play It Away: A Workaholic’s Cure for Anxiety with Charlie Hoehn


Have you noticed that it’s almost impossible for you to have fun anymore? Do you feel guilty unless you make every minute of your day productive? Do you feel stressed, depressed, and isolated? This show will help you break free from anxiety and enjoy life again.

Today we have Charlie Hoehn on the podcast. He is a TEDx speaker and the author of Play It Away: A Workaholic’s Cure for Anxiety. We talk about his frightening experience with severe anxiety and how he found the ridiculously simple, drug-free cure to our modern day stress.

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. #stress #anxiety #workaholics Click To Tweet

Charlie Hoehn

Charlie Hoehn is the author of Play It Away, Play for a Living, and Recession-Proof Graduate. Over the last ten years, Charlie has advised more than 100 authors on their book launches, including Ramit Sethi, Tucker Max, Gary Vaynerchuk, Eric Ries, and Charles Duhigg. He worked with Tim Ferriss for three years as his Director of Special Projects, which included the launch of #1 New York Times bestselling book, The 4-Hour Body.

Charlie has presented at the Pentagon, U.S. military bases, Stanford, and four TEDx events. His work has been featured on NPR, Harvard Business Review, Forbes, Fast Company, and many others.

Charlie just got married last year and is now a brand new dad!

Treat life like a playground instead of a prison. @charliehoehn ‏#stress #anxiety #worklifebalance Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • How Charlie couldn’t get a job after graduation and decided to work for free for people he admired
  • How his work for Tim Ferriss
  • How after being given the responsibility to plan a huge event, he ordered the “smart drug” Modafanil to cope with the workload
  • How he slept only 6 hours during the 4-day event
  • How his body suffered from the lack of sleep and stress
  • How his workaholic mindset and lifestyle let to debilitating anxiety, dread, and panic attacks.
  • How he tried every cure for anxiety known in the world (Meditation, Yoga, Deep breathing, Exercise, Therapy, CBT, Spiritual healers, Journaling, Super clean diets, Supplements, Fasting, Prayer, Volunteering, even Psychedelics) and nothing worked
  • How he felt dead inside and didn’t know how to fix it
  • How he got the idea to try adding more play into his life
  • How mental illness increases as play declines
  • How doing improv helps Charlie to relax and have fun
  • His marriage meetings with his wife
  • How running around and playing sports can be more effective than medication
  • How video games can be good for your wellbeing
  • Why playing is necessary for your kids to develop skills and feel connected to others
  • How playing as a child contributes to life as a happy, healthy adult

We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

Connect with Charlie Hoehn

charliehoehn.com

The Power of Play – Charlie Hoehn – TEDx

How I Cured My Anxiety

Facebook

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Amazon

Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Daddy Will Always Love and Protect You

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Anxiety, Depression, and Your Gut

Anxiety, Depression, and Your Gut

Anxiety and depression are common this time of year. So are colds and flus. Today we’re going to to revisit Adrian Chavez to learn more about how the gut and its bacteria affects our mood, immunity, and performance. We also talk about why antibiotics send our body into a cycle of sickness and what supplements and natural antibiotics we can take instead.

What is the connection between the gut and anxiety and depression? #guthealth #anxiety #depression #men Click To Tweet

 

LISTEN TO DR. ADRIAN CHAVEZ’S FULL EPISODE

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If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

Are you one of 30% of Americans who can't process carbs properly? #men #diet #carbs Click To Tweet

Connect with Dr. Adrain Chavez

dradrianchavez.com

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Instagram

Podcast


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

 

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance