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What Kind of Father Do You Want to Be?

What Kind of Father Do You Want to Be?


We have two choices when we become a dad. Are we going to be like our fathers? Or are we going to try to be different. Some men have a good sense of what a good dad should be by watching their fathers. Other men are trying to break a pattern of bad fathering, whether it be addiction, anger, or complete absence.

On today’s short show we have Dad Edge Alliance member Andy Nelson. He is a divorced dad who admits that he was not there mentally for his kids or their mother. He knew he had to break the pattern of his father’s parenting and began to proactively improve his relationship with both his kids and his ex-wife.

Andy tells us how he developed a framework to change his life and how he succeeded by focusing on his goals instead of running away from what he didn’t want.

'You have to embrace all your feelings. You won’t feel the extreme highs without the extreme lows.'—Andy Nelson #fatherhood #mentalhealth #menshealth #gratitude Click To Tweet

MENTIONED EPISODES:

How to Unf*ck Yourself with Gary John Bishop

Dad Edge Alliance Q&A – Gary John Bishop on Fatherhood

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

 

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 Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Dad Edge Alliance


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GDP 132 - Drugs, Alcohol, and Fatherhood with Omar Pinto

Drugs, Alcohol, and Fatherhood with Omar Pinto

Today we have Omar Pinto, host and founder of the wildly popular SHAIR Podcast. SHAIR stands for Sharing Helps Addicts in Recovery. He’s part of our Dad Edge Alliance and he’s also a friend.

“O” shares the heart-wrenching story of the son he had to give up. He also takes us through his insane addiction to cocaine and alcohol, and how he not only survived, but transformed into one of the most well-known voices in recovery today. This is a special episode you will not forget!

The SHAIR Podcast

Drugs and alcohol are one of the most popular topics on the GDP. Many of us drink alcohol –  some of us are social drinkers, some of us might drink a lot – we’re all over the spectrum, but we’re all curious if we’re depending on it too much. There also might be some recreational drug users in the community who may wonder if their life could be better without drugs, but are too afraid to ask for help.

Omar Pinto has a huge fan base and he’s changing lives. Every week The SHAIR Podcast broadcasts amazing life-changing success stories from addicts and alcoholics all over the world and shares their inspiring journey into recovery. He also manages a 100% private Facebook accountability group for active and recovering alcoholics and addicts. His passion and life’s purpose is to inspire people struggling with addiction to take that first step towards recovery, to show them that their life could be so much better and that there is a better way to live.

Omar’s Story

Came from a dysfunctional home. His mom was Jehovah’s Witness, but his dad left the religion and it became a constant source of tension in the home. His dad was explosive and he grew watching parents fight all the time. At one point, Omar remembers that they each had their own bedroom, and he thought that when he got older he would do the same. This was normal to him.

His dad’s side of the family were heavy drinkers, but no one ever said the word “alcoholic.” They were social drinkers, weekend warriors. There was never a wedding, birthday, or funeral where alcohol was not involved.

Omar had low self-esteem as a kid. He worried about how he looked, whether he was smart, and if he would ever be a good athlete. He was a C student who had no special talents. Worst of all, he had a difficult time trying to fit in because his mom was Jehovah’s Witness. He couldn’t go to parties or participate in holiday activates. He was isolated and lost. It’s no wonder that drinking appealed to him.

At the age of seventeen, he got a job at a steakhouse. He left with a fat stack of cash every night and it was party time. He had no goals or aspirations. He was attending college, but not getting anywhere. He was already living the dream – a career waiter. The fun he was having was irresistible. But he started to drink on the job and one day passes out and gets fired.

He spent five years in college and didn’t get a degree. He decided to move to LA and get into the mortgage business. This was before the recession hit, and he was making the bucks. He met a girl and started a volatile relationship. Dysfunction seeks dysfunction. Omar was always wanted to be the hero, so he attracted victims. Once he rescued them, he took them hostage. Omar says he was an angry person; anger protected him and kept him sharp. His girlfriend moved in, and they had serious fights. He would go to work with scratch marks on his face.

After multiple break ups and reunions, he finally said he’s done with her for good. He was free and finally ready to move on with his life. A week later, his ex-girlfriend called.

She’s pregnant.

Fatherhood Nightmare

Omar was distraught. He called his dad and cried to him, but instead getting a sympathetic ear, his father told him, “Stop crying and man up. You’re twenty-five. You have nothing going for you. You couldn’t finish college. You can’t hold a steady job. This is the best thing that could happen to you. This will teach you how to be a man.”

The tears just stopped. Omar put his head back, and said, “Alright, Dad.”

His pregnant girlfriend moved back in, and the nightmare continues. It was rough, but Omar pushed through. As soon as his son was born, she left him to stay with her parents.

A constant battle to see his son ensued. Each time he tried to make arrangements, she avoided him or put him off. He spent the next year trying to see him. Finally, he told her, “If you want, you take full custody and relinquish me of any financial responsibility.” That was the offer she had been waiting for. She never answered him, just sent the papers. He was done.

The Descent into Addiction

Omar was broken and in a serious depression, he never stopped thinking about his son. Then someone offered him an online casino job in Costa Rica. This is where he met his present wife and the drug that would lead him into destruction.

Omar was told that above all, he had to fit in. His contacts and partners were valuable to the business. When he met all his coworkers, he couldn’t believe what insane partiers they were. They had bars in their offices. They even smoked weed right there at work. Omar drank and got high at work every day, having the best time ever.

One night, Omar was falling asleep on the desk. All his coworkers were on the way to the casino, but he told him he was too tired to go. How did they have the energy to stay out all night? Then one of the guys offered Omar some cocaine. The clouds parted. The angels sang. Omar felt like it was the secret elixir of success.

But it doesn’t take long to degrade into a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde situation. Omar’s problem skyrocketed. He regularly fell into coke-induced psychosis and paranoia, disappearing on binges and acting on insane delusions.

During the same time, he married his new wife and she was pregnant. But he couldn’t stop. One night, with his heart racing so fast he had to down booze and sedatives to prevent a heart attack, he hit an all time low. He got on his knees and prayed for God to take him out of this world or get him clean.

He woke up the next day, got in his car, and drove to his therapist. “I need help,” he finally said. The therapist new of a Narcotics Anonymous meeting that was starting in an hour. Omar made it. He shared his story. The people surrounded him. That was the beginning his journey into recovery.

A Life of Purpose in Recovery

The 12 Steps radically changed Omar’s life. They allowed him to work through his father’s death and the unresolved situation with his son. Omar knew his story might inspire people to make the first step toward recovery. He created The SHAIR Podcast for those who are suffering from this disease who are hiding behind a veil of shame, those who are isolated behind a computer who just need one ray of hope and support to get started.

Thanks to the program that saved his life, Omar is still with his beautiful wife and his daughter who is now fourteen-years-old. He surrounds himself with people with the same values and principles. Fidelity, loyalty, and responsibility are non-negotiable. As painful as the situation with his son was, Omar says he wouldn’t be the man he is today or appreciate his family like he does today if he hadn’t gone through it. Now, it’s his goal to be the best dad he can be for his daughter.

Omar’s Dad Wisdom

If you are lost and haven’t quite found out how to communicate with your kids and be a good father, you have to view your circle of influence.

If you have sucky friends who are shitty dads, get rid of them. Find guys who are solid who care about their children.

 

If you’re struggling with drugs and alcohol and you’re afraid to ask for help, if you’re afraid to be found out, go to SHAIR Private Facebook group. You will be welcomed and surrounded with absolute love and support.
CLICK HERE TO JOIN.

 

Mentioned Episodes:

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

SHAIR 134: “DO EPIC SHIT” with Larry Hagner of The Good Dad Project and The Dads Edge Alliance


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Daddy Will Always Love and Protect You

Links

Omar Pinto

theshairpodcast.com

Facebook

Private Facebook Group

Twitter


Are you ready to create an epic life

YES, I AM!

Dad Edge Alliance

Reversing Generations of Bad Parenting with 6-Time Muay Thai Champion Chris Romulo

How do you become an incredible dad and husband when you grew up with a neglectful father? How do you break the dysfunctional pattern of your family and reverse generations of bad parenting? Chris Romulo is a 6-time Muay Thai Champion and author of Champions Uprising: Fall 7 Times, Stand Up 8. He tells us what it was like growing up with a gambling addict and how he uses his past experiences to be a better husband, father, and community member.

Chris Romulo

Chris Romulo is a martial arts champion and trainer who won several Muay Thai titles, including a US National Championship, a North American Championship, and a Bronze medal in Bangkok in the World Cup. He now runs CROM Physical Culture in Rockaway Beach, NY where he lives with his wife, Sarah, and two sons, Jube and Giovanni.

Growing Up

As a 4th grader, Chris’s parents moved him from an Asian neighborhood to a  community that was a mix of Latino, Caribbean, and Black. He was the only Filipino kid in class and he got bullied because of that. Even his teacher was physically abusive. Chris would try to explain what was happening to his mother, but she grew up in the Philippines where this kind of treatment from teachers was acceptable. She’d ask Chris, “What did you do to deserve this?” That’s when Chris questioned everything. He couldn’t trust any of the adults in his life, making him sad and angry. It affected the rest of his education all the way into high school.

On top of the struggles Chris had at school, his dad was a severe gambling addict. There was no physical or mental abuse. It was neglect. His dad was simply not there. He’d sit at the kitchen table with his head buried in lottery numbers trying to decipher what was coming out next. There was never any conversation. His father never even scolded Chris. It was as if his dad didn’t care if the family existed.

The Father He Is Now

At an early age, Chris decided that his purpose was to break the mold. He heard stories of his grandfather back in Philippines, and found out e was the same neglectful parent as his father. This allowed Chris to understand why his dad was the way he was, but he wasn’t going to be the same kind of father to his kids.

Breaking this Cycle of Bad Parenting

Before Chris met his wife, Sarah, it was just him and his first son, Jube. Chris was a single dad and admits that he wasn’t a very attentive dad. Chris wasn’t into gambling, but when he went to the gym to train, he was so engulfed in what he was doing that his son was ignored. Once Chris realized that he was slipping into the same pattern as his father, he did his best to purposely engage with his son.

On How to Be an Engaged Dad

Chris says the ‘how’ of being a good dad is the basics – interaction, conversation, doing things together. Chris watches TV with his son, goes to the movies, takes him to games. Chris says it’s not complicated. It’s very simple. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but even if you only have a half an hour, make it the best half hour. Be patient and persistent in making quality time a priority.

It’s simple, but it’s not easy. Just stick to the basics.

Biggest Challenge as a Father

There wasn’t a lot of patience in Chris’s household growing up, and as a dad Chris says that is the main thing. He not only strives to develop patience as a father, but also to set an example for his sons on how to approach life with patience. Life is going to test you every day. The only way to work through the struggles and obstacles is to take a step back and let the emotions settle down before they get the best of you.

#1 Lesson Learned from Fighting

Chris Romulo says the most important thing he learned from fighting was to always have goals. Goals gave him the drive and motivation, whether it was for a single fight or for world championships. Set targets for minor and major goals and have a target for your life as a whole.

Champions Uprising

Chris Romulo always wanted to write a book, but he was full of self-doubt and negative self-talk. He never went to college and barely finished high school. Luckily, he had some friends in the marketing and publishing world who helped him make his dream of becoming an author a reality.

When talking about the subtitle of Champions Uprising, Chris says, “You’re’ entire life is going to be full of stumbles and falls. You will not go through life unscathed. You’re going to deal with stuff. You have to get back up.”

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Dad Wisdom

Chris Romulo’s dad wisdom is to be flexible. He says that as a man and a father, you must adapt. You can’t be stuck in old thinking habits when you’re in new situations. You need to be dynamic in life and in fatherhood. Your kids are going to grow and change and the way you interact with them will have to change too.

Don’t live off your past.

 

Mentioned episodes

Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly

Pressure, Perseverance, and Fatherhood with UFC Fighter James Krause

Frankie Edgar on Life Lessons from the Octagon

How to Raise Strong, Confident, Resilient Girls with Bas Rutten


Get a free audio book and a one month trial by visiting audible.com/gooddad.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Chris Romulo’s Links

ChrisRomulo.com

Champions Uprising: Fall 7 Times, Stand Up 8

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

 

Breaking Destructive Habits

3 Steps to Breaking Destructive Habits

On this week’s Thursday Throwdown, we’re going to recap our wildly popular show with Nell Daly about a problem many men silently struggle with – online pornography. Nell Daly talked about three simple steps that can not only help those of us who struggle with porn addiction, but with any destructive habit or behavior like overeating, drinking, gambling, and more.

3 Steps to Breaking Destructive Habits

  1. Look at your behavior without shame or guilt. Objectively analyze your behavior. How often are you doing it? Why are you doing it? How do you feel before and after?
  2. Replace the bad habit with something positive. Do you have a McDonald’s addiction? What could you replace bad food with? Are you spending too much time watching online porn? What about replacing that time with a run?
  3. Keep track of your progress.  Ask yourself, how have I done this week? What replacements were successful? Build on those victories.

Did you catch our episodes with Nell Daly? 

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


SEALed Mindset Exclusive GDP Offer


Get access to the SEALed Mindset Membership Platform

Normal price: $150-$250 a month

DISCOUNT EXTENDED: $25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

Extra bonus: For FREE new lesson click here> SMLdad.com

ruari fairbains

How to Conquer Alcohol Addiction with Ruari Fairbains

Ruari Fairbains, founder of One Year No Beer, comes on the GDP Podcast to challenge us to take a plunge into the uncommon world of 100% sobriety for one year.

 

Pumpkin spice beer, ale, hard cider, even Pumpkin Spiced Baileys Irish Cream are in full production and it’s the time of year when liquor manufacturers really make their holiday drinking push. Holiday parties, family gatherings and work functions seem synonymous with alcohol consumption during this season, in particular. Maybe you’ll even hear a couple stories about how things got out of hand at the office Christmas Party because Bob in accounting had one too many Jack and Cokes (sorry if your name is Bob and you’re in accounting).  But what if we made just “being” synonymous with these events? What if being sober was cool and drinking went by the wayside? Whoa, you say? Don’t take my beer, man, it’s how I get through this time of year!!

The increasingly popular podcast, One Year No Beer, challenges people to do just that: leave the booze behind for just 90 days. In this 90 days, forgo any type of alcoholic beverage and see what changes occur.

Better Health

The common thread in those who choose not to imbibe is better health. No alcohol equals no beer gut, better sleep habits, better sexual health and better health overall. Not to mention, you become more alert.

Better Employee

Those who have taken the challenge find they have a better focus at work. Better focus equals better job performance, leading to possibly better positions in the workplace. Think about having a more pleasant work experience simply because YOU feel better.

Ruari Fairbains on Better Family Time

Removing alcohol also opens you up to becoming more present with your family. Your mood will improve (let’s face it: alcohol alters our brain chemistry no matter how little or how much we consume). When you are better mentally, those around you will take notice and you will have more pleasant experiences with those you love.

Be the Example

Your kids are watching. You know this. When you handle tough social situations with alcohol, even if it is simply social drinking, your kids witness this. In their minds, alcohol equates to social situations because mom and dad use it during these times, even if it’s just a glass of wine to wind down. But if we change that paradigm and make other things synonymous with social situations, our kids will begin to see these differences as well. After all, they will learn how to behave from their parents.
So, even during this lovely fall season of Pumpkin Spiced Everything, maybe opt to remove the alcoholic version of this seasonal favorite. Instead, replace it with other events that get your endorphins going: take time out to laugh with those you love, get a bike ride in, take your clients to dinner and have a good time without the wine. You just might see that being with people without the filter of alcohol is just that much better.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Ruari Fairbains and One Year No Beer

Ruari Fairbains ONE YEAR NO BEER SITE

Ruari Fairbains ONE YEAR NO BEER PRIVATE FB GROUP

 

Thank you for checking out this week’s show with Ruari Fairbains, founder of One Year No Beer.