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Inadequacy, Insecurity, and Imposter Syndrome

Inadequacy, Insecurity, and Imposter Syndrome with Mike Kitko


Do you feel the need to be perfect, and at the same time, think you’ll never be good enough? As a man, husband, and father, are you plagued by deep-rooted feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, leaving you terrified that people will find out you have no idea what you’re doing? That’s your imposter in charge and he’s preventing you from living as who you really are.

Mike Kitko is an Executive Self-Mastery Coach, speaker, and author. After a colossal career and personal meltdown, he found his true purpose—inspiring leaders to find the power in their authenticity, purpose, and passion.

Today, Mike Kitko talks about how inadequacy, insecurity, and imposter syndrome ruled his life. He teaches us how to cultivate self-awareness and diffuse the imposter before it sabotages us. He also tells us how to stop running from fear and start chasing our purpose so we can provide a loving, safe, and prosperous environment for our families.

Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? How do you defeat the imposter in charge? Find out in this episode!

Mike Kitko

A Marine with an MBA, Mike has decades of experience in leadership roles for Fortune 500 companies, yet he always felt like an imposter. His outward persona was one of strength and wealth, yet he struggled internally with self-confidence and self-fulfillment. His inability to understand his emotions led him to alcoholism, uncontrolled anger, and ballistic rage. He abused his marriage, family, professional career, and health.

Through coaching, intense study, and deep work, Mike learned to embrace self-doubt and care for his body, mind, emotions, and soul with self-mastery. Now Mikes overflowing energy, clarity, and love inspires souls. With an infectious zest for life, internal power, and inward confidence that matches how people perceive him externally, Mike has turned his life around. And he wants to help you to do the same.

If you can’t feel it, you can’t heal it, and if you can’t heal it, you can’t be you.—Mike Kitko

The Imposter in Charge

Life’s good, right? You’ve got the high-paying job, the car, the home, the family–so why do you feel so incomplete?

Maybe your ego is bursting at the seams and you can’t show yourself for who you really are. Perhaps you have no boundaries and you pour yourself into others–their problems, their pressures, their pleasures–at the expense of yourself and your own family. You might think you need to be perfect but are acutely aware that you’re not good enough. Could it be that deep-down you feel inadequate, incapable, and like a fraud?

You don’t have to live like that. The Imposter in Charge is the vulnerable and raw account of Mike Kitko’s journey from being an overweight, overstressed, overachieving alcoholic business executive who was on the brink of divorce, to a life of authenticity, courage, confidence, and clarity. This transparent account offers a then-to-now experience, as well as practical applications and practices to help you break out of the imposter syndrome yourself–once and for all.

What You’ll Learn

  • Men learn from a very young age to not be real, vulnerable, and or have emotions.
  • When we wear a mask and shrink, we can’t really feel human.
  • What it means when everything you thought would bring you happiness doesn’t.
  • How the world loves you exactly the way you are. When you realize that, things start to change
  • Mike used to be over 300 pounds and an alcoholic.
  • When Mike figured out that he had nothing figured out
  • When Mike quit drinking, he lost who he thought were friends, but then real people showed up.
  • How Mike made the bold move to leave his corporate job and create his coaching business.
  • How he fell head over heels in love with his wife again after their marriage was nearly destroyed.
  • Perfection is impossible
  • Emotions are going to make us behave badly.
  • Accept that on the journey of improvement, you’re going to stumble,
  • Why you must surrender to the natural feeling of inadequacy and insecurity.
  • What is a critical purpose decision?
  • 90% of people are running away from fear. 10% are chasing purpose.
  • We’re not here to survive, play small, provide and buy more stuff.
  • You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to have a lucrative business.
  • Your desires are your gateway to understanding what purpose you serve.
  • How men can find their true purpose and make sure they’re not chasing someone else’s purpose.
  • Lack of self-awareness drives the imposter syndrome.
  • The importance of knowing your talents and weaknesses.
  • Getting and staying in your “zone of genius” as much as possible
  • Clarity is a creative force.
  • His mission is to move men from survivorship to leadership
    • Yourself
    • Society
    • Family
  • We can’t provide a safe prosperous loving environment for our families if we are not living authentically.
  • Love = Letting Others Voluntarily Evolve
  • How we’re inadvertently telling our kids their choices aren’t good enough.
  • We’re not here to help our kids avoid mistakes, but to help them make choices after they understand the consequences.

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Bonding with Sons and Daughters

A Father’s Guide to Bonding with Sons and Daughters with Michael Gurian

According to Columbia University, children who have a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to drink, smoke, or use drugs. How we can strengthen the bond between father and son and father and daughter?

Michael Gurian is one of the world’s foremost experts on gender and the brain and has been called “The People’s Philosopher” for his ability to bring together people’s ordinary lives and scientific ideas. He is the NY Times bestselling author of thirty-two books, a keynote speaker, a husband and a father.

Michael tells us the top three reasons why today’s kids aren’t connecting with their dads. He teaches us to discover our assets as fathers and how to invite our kids to utilize them. He also shares the neuroscience behind the differences between bonding with sons and daughters, and how we be the best father to each gender.

Michael Gurian

Dr. Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of thirty two books published in twenty three languages. He provides counseling services in private practice.  The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals.

Michael has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including THE WONDER OF GIRLS, THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY!, THE MINDS OF BOYS and LEADERSHIP AND THE SEXES.

In the 1990s, Michael and his colleagues at the University of Missouri-Kansas City completed a two year pilot study that established best practices for educating boys and girls.  These strategies and Michael’s nature-based gender theory are now used in schools and communities worldwide.

One of the world’s foremost gender experts, Michael travels to approximately 25 cities per year to provide keynotes at conferences and speak at schools and in communities. Michael has served as a trainer and consultant to colleges, corporations, school districts, community agencies, faith communities, criminal justice personnel, and other professionals. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael’s work has been featured in nearly all the major media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Psychology Today, the Christian Science Monitor, Educational Leadership, the American School Board Journal, Family Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the 700 Club, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

What You’ll Learn

  • Michael’s mom had mental illness, and he grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse.
  • Michael’s father was mostly absent in his life until his dad was eighty years old.
  • It took 10 years of therapy for Michael to process his trauma. Therapy helped him recover and inspired him to become a counselor.
  • He’s been married to his wife 34 years, who is also a mental health counselor. They have two girls, aged 29 and 26.
  • Michael’s marriage advice: Establish domains as a couple. Figure out what each of you are good at and give each other space to do that. This prevents you trying to control each other.
  • Why you should compliment your spouse publicly.
  • Michael’s book, The Stone Boys, and why he wrote a story about traumatized boys.
  • The brain is not gender neutral. It shows differences according to sex beginning in utero.
  • Why we need to understand the male experience better
  • How culture is over-judging males and has lost the sense of value in a fathers’ masculinity
  • Dads are 50% of their kids support and development. They need to claim role in their kids’ lives.
  • Why kids aren’t connecting with dads
    • Divorce and child custody processes typically vilify the father.
    • The father abdicates to the mother or others because he doesn’t understand his role. He is afraid to assert himself as a father.
    • The father fails to invite the child to utilize him for the assets he has. He must be a presence. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation. Fathers and kids can bond with sports, movies, video games, and other activities.
  • Don’t be too permissive. Kids want structure.
  • How to be authoritative, not authoritarian.
  • The structure of a boy’s brain is wired to be more active. More blood flow goes to the doing part of the brain.
  • Females have more blood flow to the front and top of the brain. They solve problems internally by thinking and connect to emotive parts of brain.
  • Why females create rumination loops, leading to depression and anxiety.
  • How dads can listen to their daughters for ruminating, find the right time to step in, do a reality check, and offer suggestions.
  • Boys don’t have as many words for feelings as girls.
  • How dads can help their boys get their feelings out
  • What special activities dads can do with their daughters and sons to make the bond strong.
  • Figure out who you are as a dad and what your assets are.
  • Find common interests with your kids. Ritualize doing these things with your kids so you can establish your presence as the dad.
  • Gauge what your spouse is doing. What has she got covered? Where can you fill in the gaps as a husband and father?
  • The difference between maternal and paternal nurturing
  • How trauma effects boys and girls
  • Signs of trauma—if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, angry, or isolated, he or she may have been traumatized.
  • More kids are traumatized than we realize.
  • How the dad spirit organically works in the family dynamic. Trust it and embrace it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Taking Action as the Head of Your Family

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller

Imposter Syndrome: Defeating Your Inner Bully with Dr. Jamie Hope


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Michael Gurian’s Links

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Embrace the Past to Win Your Future Mark Crandall

Embrace the Past to Win Your Future with Mark Crandall


What is the story you‘ve been telling yourself over and over again that keeps you from stepping into the best self you can possibly be?

Mark Crandall is a Transformational Life Coach, host of the Purpose Chasers Podcast, and the author of Embrace Your Past Win Your Future: The Difference Between Being A Victim and Playing One. He was not a dad at the recording of this episode, but he will likely be one when it airs.

Mark has tremendous insight as a son who was abandoned by his biological parents and a man who is about to step into his role as a father.

Mark tells us how to:

  • detect and debunk self-limiting beliefs
  • change the toxic story you have about yourself
  • keep pushing through fear
  • resist the temptation to fall back into a destructive mindset
  • stop playing small and step into the role of the hero of your story

Get ready to win your future!

The men that you have around you, you will become.

Mark Crandall

“Mark’s is a story of uncommon adversity and triumph. At age three, Mark was taken from his biological mother by the Department of Youth and Families and placed in the foster care system. He lacked the tools and supports to manage both his grief and his new reality in society’s margins. From the pieces he conjured stories about his own worth. At around age 12 Mark began contemplating whether or not to just give up.

He began to engage in criminal activity, acting out his aggression at the expense of those closest to him and society at large. Mark began to self-medicate with substances; thus began his spiral into painful, chaotic addiction. Mark found himself in and out of youth detention centers and other correctional facilities. Though, even in his lowest moments, Mark recognized what others saw: There was greatness in even him.

In 2007, Mark found a spiritual program of action in which he began overcoming the many traumatic moments of his childhood. He also began the process of repairing the damage that he had caused others through his efforts to navigate life. Mark found freedom in an introspective process which informs his Transformational Life and Business Coaching and drug and alcohol Interventions. Mark is trained in some of the most powerful transformation practices available, all of which he uses in his work with others.”

What You’ll Learn

  • Mark’s estimate that 95% of society operates from a victim mentality
  • how society is coddling victims
  • how Mark was able to abuse drugs during his entire stay in prison
  • how Mark quit drugs and has stayed clean for 12 years
  • his longing for his biological parents to this day
  • the huge impact Mark’s adoptive father made in his life
  • how to keep growing and moving forward when your demons rear their ugly heads
  • why community is the key to staying on track
  • how to notice when we’re resorting to outside sources to feel adequate
  • why in reality, no one lacks motivation. They only lack belief in themselves to carry it out
  • the real reason we don’t invest in ourselves
  • how to strip everything you know about yourself and build a new story from scratch
  • how to chose to not to play the victim
  • why there are no such things as barriers, limitations, and judgements outside the ones you create in your own mind
  • why the “I already know” attitude prevents your from learning
  • why Mark as a dad wants to be constantly humbled so he can admit his faults and be a transparent, authentic dad

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Working to Live, Not Living to Work with Aaron Walker

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Battling Cancer as a Dad with Hal Elrod

 


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Mark Crandall’s Links

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Finding the Strength Through the Struggle

Today we talk to a man who never wanted to be a dad. The thought of fatherhood terrified him. He thought so little of himself, he didn’t think he was worthy to procreate. He thought that when his time was done on Earth, there should be no evidence that he even existed.

This man’s name is Mark Globowsky, and he is the host of the Strength Through the Struggle podcast. His beliefs of unworthiness and inferiority were the result of his upbringing with a physically and emotionally abusive father. But Mark stepped boldly into the dark, confronting his issues head on. He surrounded himself with the right people, men who showed him the truth about himself.

Now Mark has someone to call him ‘daddy’ for the rest of his life. Becoming a father was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to him. He shares how we can mine our pain and our past, finding strength through the struggle to become the man that we decide we want to be.

'Remember in the dark what you know to be true in the light.'—Mark Globowsky #men #dads #fathers #depression #adversity Click To Tweet

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Mark Globowsky

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Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman

Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman

The story you’re about to hear is unlike anything we’ve ever had on this show before. Today we have mega-entrepreneur, Wes Chapman. He has been featured in Forbes, Inc., CBS, ABC, Tech Crunch and TEDx. He is a husband, a father of two, and the founder of A Human Project.

Wes may seem like the picture of success, but he has a dark and painful past that many would not survive. From the time he was born, Wes was physically, sexually, and mentally abused. He was abandoned by his father and then his mother. Then he was put into group homes and psych wards where doctors told him that his mental and emotional problems would prevent him from ever living a normal life.

Wes Chapman believes that absolute self-honesty is the key to healing and he is pure proof. In this episode, he shares the story of his incredible transformation, and how he triumphed over victimhood to wake up the hero within.

We only understand what we’ve endured. @wesleydchapman #abuse Click To Tweet

Wes Chapman

Wes Chapman was so neglected as an infant, that at 3 1/2 months old he was diagnosed as having failure to thrive, which means he didn’t grow and develop properly because his physical and emotional needs were not being met.

Shortly after that, his father left his mother and she married a man that Wes can only describe as pure evil. At the hands of this man, Wes endured physical, sexual, and emotional trauma until he was 6 years old.

Wes’s mom soon gave up on raising him. He was put into the system and spent the next year in and out of psych hospitals. Doctors considered him “broken” and that the best they could do was medicate him and keep him institutionalized, but one day, a woman walked into is life. She became Wes’s mom and hero.

Fast forward to today – Wes has overcome his trauma and victimhood and helps other children and adults do the same. He believes in what he calls H cubed.

  • Honesty
  • Healing
  • Hope
The important thing is not the stuff that happened, but the awakening that occurred. @wesleydchapman #trauma #abuse #healing Click To Tweet

Show Highlights

  • How Wes’s step father literally put him and his siblings in the doghouse. He made them wear a collar and chained them to the fence.
  • How Wes used to wake up in cold sweats watching his sister get molested.
  • How once in a psychiatric hospital, he beat the walls until his fists bled. This was in a padded room.
  • How a voice inside him decided not to tolerate his existence.
  • The remarkable story of the woman who took him in and cared for him.
  • The powerful idea behind H-cubed (Honesty, Healing, Hope).
  • How he finally got over his sexual abuse and was able to develop empathy toward the men who abused him.
  • How he became addicted to success in such a negative way that he had to walk away from everything.
  • His epiphany when he finally knew that his purpose and passion was to be like the woman who saved him and help others like him.
  • How he stalked Gary Vaynerchuk.
  • Why we need to stop wasting time and energy making up for our weaknesses and put all our effort into our gifts.
  • What manhood really is all about.
The only way you can take care of your own shit, is to take care of it with yourself. @wesleydchapman Click To Tweet

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Vulnerability is power. @wesleydchapman #vulnerability #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

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Daddy Will Always Love and Protect You

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