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Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos


How far have you evolved as a person? Are you still struggling with the same issues you’ve had all your life? Are you turning to vices to distract and soothe you? Do you avoid those hard conversations with people who are important to you?

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other aspects of your life, and if you haven’t confronted your demons, you will never be able to take your personal evolution to the next level.

Stefanos Sifandos is a relational alchemist, international speaker, author and change-maker dedicated to helping men create a life of meaning and purpose.

Not long ago, he was egotistical, dishonest, unfaithful, and above all, scared. He discovered that unresolved trauma from his toxic father was unconsciously and destructively influencing his behavior.

Today, Stefanos shares his journey into the depth of pain, and how we can drill to the truth of ourselves to become completely integrated and self-reliant.

He also reveals 6 steps that we can take to process, heal, and expand from the wounds of the past.

“Unconsciously, I used my childhood—my trauma, my wounding—as an excuse to be an asshole.”—Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos is a trained educator and relationships expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and each other.

Stefanos’ philosophy merges the best of eastern and western methodologies to promote spiritual balance and empower people in life and love. From trauma release to navigating the murky waters of modern masculinity, to helping women understand the men in their lives, he helps people escape negative patterns and cultivate a positive sense of self.

Stefanos has worked with thousands of men and women from all walks of life; special forces soldiers, Olympic gold medalists, elite fighters, and everyday people have relied on him to restructure and reframe their relationships with themselves and their loved ones.

What You’ll Learn

  • Stefanos had a tumultuous childhood with a physically and emotionally abusive father.
  • He witnessed his dad and mom have a volatile relationship.
  • His life growing up was full of uncertainty, judgement, control, and pressure.
  • Many of us suppress our childhood memories.
  • Hate, anger, and fear are constrictive. Feeling is freeing, and freedom allows us to expand.
  • How Stefanos grieved his childhood, learned to accept his father, and let go of who he expected him to be.
  • Taking responsibility for dealing with your trauma.
  • Stefanos was hyper-aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical.
  • His business fluctuated and he had volatile relationships.
  • How he became aware of his unhealthy patterns
  • How men can stay on the path of ignorance or become aware and choose a new path
  • How Stefanos used physical challenges to begin growing his self-worth
  • 4 years ago, Stefanos was cleaning toilets and sweeping floors because he didn’t want the commitment of a business.
  • How we use the dopamine from vices to suppress emotions.
  • Other tools men use to cope—avoidance, projecting, codependency, and blame
  • Stefanos says that he had to go through multiple ego deaths to get to where he is.
  • Why “the masculine wants to be empty”
  • The one thing a woman needs most from a man is trustworthiness.
  • We can’t be trustworthy if we don’t do what we say.
  • Why you must have guides and support when you decide to go within.
  • You won’t solve your issues with the same perspective as you developed them.
  • Feeling is your way through the pain.
  • The 6 Step Cyclical Process of Healing
    • Depth-feeling – getting inside your emotions
    • Grounding – pull yourself out, immerse yourself in nature
    • Release – journal, empty your head
    • Reprieve – self-care, healthy pleasure
    • Introspection – stillness and silence
    • Social – reconnecting with friends and loved ones and being seen, respected, and appreciated
  • Why you should talk face to face with your woman.
  • Our issues with other people have little to do with them. We must deepen the connection to ourselves.
  • Confidence is a gate to self-worth.
  • How to improve your confidence level
  • Care less about what people think and more about being true to yourself.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

 


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Stefanos Sifandos’s Links

stefanossifandos.com

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why should i forgive

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone


Is there someone in your life that you are finding it hard to forgive. A sibling, friend, or parent? We all have grudges, but we don’t realize how much emotional and mental bandwidth they’re stealing from us.

Derek Stone is the author of Why Should I Forgive? He grew up in poverty and was sexually abused by his stepfather. His bitterness led him into drugs, alcohol, and dysfunctional relationships. But he found the faith he needed to forgive and move on. Now his mission is to empower people to transform their lives and walk them through the hell of confronting past trauma and teaching them to forgive.

Derek talks about his painful journey out of hate, anger, and shame and how the power of forgiveness can free us to create the full and happy lives we were meant live.

“For true forgiveness to happen, something has to die.”—Derek Stone

Derek Stone

Derek Stone is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of Stone’s Repair and Remodel, LLC. He’s been married to his high school sweetheart, Crystal for the past 17 years and together they have two boys: Ashton, 14 years old and Noah, 7 years old.

Derek came from humble beginnings and grew up in Section-8 housing located in Mobile, AL. Derek has a fraternal twin brother and was the youngest of 4 children growing up. His parents divorced when he was 5 years old and had to raise himself when his mom started working 3 jobs to keep the lights on. He moved to North East Mississippi at age 16 when his mother re-married for the 3rd time and started his life over.

He gives all the credit for his success to one decision he made while a senior in high school. He says, “I started looking back at my life to figure out what made me so different from my other three siblings. I chose to forgive my dad and not take the same paths my parents did. I blamed dad for every bad thing I went through as a child: from being sexually abused, going hungry (thank God for school lunches), to having to take cold showers because the power got cut off. I was very bitter as a teenager and wanted a better life, so when the opportunity presented itself, I took it!”

36 years since the beginning of his story and he is currently living his best life, not someone else’s. He enjoys hunting, fishing, knife making, and hanging out with his family. He loves helping people re-tool to change their lives and empowering them to do so. He loves God, loves his family, and loves people.

Why Should I Forgive?

Why Should I Forgive? came from a place of discontent. It drove me to change my behavior, relationships, and habits. When I asked myself that question, I was met with a choice. Do I forgive, and be free of the burden of bitterness I was carrying around, or do I live in it, locking myself in a prison of torment and anger?

My passion is to empower people to change their own lives. I personally know the poison that bitterness injects into your body, mind, and spirit. I know the deep hate, anger, and shame that can drive you to your breaking point. I know how you can hurt the people who love you the most, or, even worse, yourself.

I have no Ph.D, M.D., or Doctorate degree in psychology. This is real. It’s my story of how I overcame bitterness, and now I want to give you the tools to walk you through your own journey. I want you to know that if you choose to forgive, it will lead to your freedom.

Join me on this journey. We will laugh, cry, and share life for a moment. This is my story of why and how. At the beginning of this book, the question is “Why should I forgive?” By the end of it, I will have given you the tools to help you in your quest to forgive. These tools will help you to forgive and start your path to spiritual freedom.”

 

What You’ll Learn

  • How to stop thinking of yourself as a victim
  • The process and benefits of forgiveness
  • How to forgive someone without giving them access to you
  • When and how to get rid of toxic people
  • Derek’s favorite quote: “If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs. If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar to great heights. I am an eagle. It is my destiny to fly.”— Andy Andrews
  • How Derek re-established the relationship with his father
  • Abusive people are repeating what was done to them. They serve as an example of what not to be.
  • How forgiveness set Derek’s stagnant life in motion
  • Forgiveness is a choice. If you’re not forgiving people, you’re opening yourself up to torment.
  • The difference between forgiveness and being taken advantage of
  • Why you should never go to your pastor, friends, or family for marriage advice
  • The 4 signs that spell doom for your marriage
  • Your spouse is not an enemy, but a gift.
  • Going with your gut when it comes to letting people into your life
  • How to use your purpose as a filter for all of your relationships. Does this person help or hinder your purpose?
  • Neutralize negative thoughts by telling them that you don’t need them anymore.
  • On challenges—we never know how they’re preparing us for what’s to come.
  • Having patience in “the waiting room” when we feel plagued by setbacks and delays

RELATED EPISODES:

Isolation: The Enemy of Excellence—TDE Exclusive with Aaron Walker

One Last Talk: Your Truth Matters with Philip McKernan

Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman


Protect your kids with the Bark App

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Derek Stone’s Links

derekstone.online

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Resources

FREE chapter: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

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Kung Fu Parenting


How can you can cooperate—not compete—with your kids, set boundaries, focus on the positive, and make your parenting flow instead of it always being a struggle?

We are honored to have Jeremy Roadruck among our Dad Edge Alliance members. He’s a Kung Fu master, public speaker, and bestselling author. He’s also an empowerment coach for families and children, giving parents and kids the tools they need to feel seen, heard, felt, and understood.

Today, Jeremy talks about how we can add Kung Fu principles to our parenting skill set, allowing self-awareness and compassion to guide us, developing a deep rapport with our children that will give them the inner strength and joy to win in all areas of life.

What You’ll Learn

  • The importance of the way we store things internally
  • The power of detachment
  • How trials are a gift, helping us to develop self-awareness and compassion toward others
  • How to play games worth winning
  • Life is always a positive game. All roadblocks are self-generated.
  • The difference between patience and passive waiting
  • Why, like in Kung Fu, we should stop chasing the outcome
  • Balancing the masculine and feminine
  • The difference between winning and not losing
  • How judgement kills our rapport and our influence
  • The power of your story about yourself changes your behavior.
  • How to channel your kids’ energy to the positive
  • Why your spouse must come before your kids

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Jeremy Roadruck

theparentingprogram.com

Free Book—Your Best Child Ever: Is This Game Worth Winning?

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Inadequacy, Insecurity, and Imposter Syndrome

Inadequacy, Insecurity, and Imposter Syndrome with Mike Kitko


Do you feel the need to be perfect, and at the same time, think you’ll never be good enough? As a man, husband, and father, are you plagued by deep-rooted feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, leaving you terrified that people will find out you have no idea what you’re doing? That’s your imposter in charge and he’s preventing you from living as who you really are.

Mike Kitko is an Executive Self-Mastery Coach, speaker, and author. After a colossal career and personal meltdown, he found his true purpose—inspiring leaders to find the power in their authenticity, purpose, and passion.

Today, Mike Kitko talks about how inadequacy, insecurity, and imposter syndrome ruled his life. He teaches us how to cultivate self-awareness and diffuse the imposter before it sabotages us. He also tells us how to stop running from fear and start chasing our purpose so we can provide a loving, safe, and prosperous environment for our families.

Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? How do you defeat the imposter in charge? Find out in this episode!

Mike Kitko

A Marine with an MBA, Mike has decades of experience in leadership roles for Fortune 500 companies, yet he always felt like an imposter. His outward persona was one of strength and wealth, yet he struggled internally with self-confidence and self-fulfillment. His inability to understand his emotions led him to alcoholism, uncontrolled anger, and ballistic rage. He abused his marriage, family, professional career, and health.

Through coaching, intense study, and deep work, Mike learned to embrace self-doubt and care for his body, mind, emotions, and soul with self-mastery. Now Mikes overflowing energy, clarity, and love inspires souls. With an infectious zest for life, internal power, and inward confidence that matches how people perceive him externally, Mike has turned his life around. And he wants to help you to do the same.

If you can’t feel it, you can’t heal it, and if you can’t heal it, you can’t be you.—Mike Kitko

The Imposter in Charge

Life’s good, right? You’ve got the high-paying job, the car, the home, the family–so why do you feel so incomplete?

Maybe your ego is bursting at the seams and you can’t show yourself for who you really are. Perhaps you have no boundaries and you pour yourself into others–their problems, their pressures, their pleasures–at the expense of yourself and your own family. You might think you need to be perfect but are acutely aware that you’re not good enough. Could it be that deep-down you feel inadequate, incapable, and like a fraud?

You don’t have to live like that. The Imposter in Charge is the vulnerable and raw account of Mike Kitko’s journey from being an overweight, overstressed, overachieving alcoholic business executive who was on the brink of divorce, to a life of authenticity, courage, confidence, and clarity. This transparent account offers a then-to-now experience, as well as practical applications and practices to help you break out of the imposter syndrome yourself–once and for all.

What You’ll Learn

  • Men learn from a very young age to not be real, vulnerable, and or have emotions.
  • When we wear a mask and shrink, we can’t really feel human.
  • What it means when everything you thought would bring you happiness doesn’t.
  • How the world loves you exactly the way you are. When you realize that, things start to change
  • Mike used to be over 300 pounds and an alcoholic.
  • When Mike figured out that he had nothing figured out
  • When Mike quit drinking, he lost who he thought were friends, but then real people showed up.
  • How Mike made the bold move to leave his corporate job and create his coaching business.
  • How he fell head over heels in love with his wife again after their marriage was nearly destroyed.
  • Perfection is impossible
  • Emotions are going to make us behave badly.
  • Accept that on the journey of improvement, you’re going to stumble,
  • Why you must surrender to the natural feeling of inadequacy and insecurity.
  • What is a critical purpose decision?
  • 90% of people are running away from fear. 10% are chasing purpose.
  • We’re not here to survive, play small, provide and buy more stuff.
  • You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to have a lucrative business.
  • Your desires are your gateway to understanding what purpose you serve.
  • How men can find their true purpose and make sure they’re not chasing someone else’s purpose.
  • Lack of self-awareness drives the imposter syndrome.
  • The importance of knowing your talents and weaknesses.
  • Getting and staying in your “zone of genius” as much as possible
  • Clarity is a creative force.
  • His mission is to move men from survivorship to leadership
    • Yourself
    • Society
    • Family
  • We can’t provide a safe prosperous loving environment for our families if we are not living authentically.
  • Love = Letting Others Voluntarily Evolve
  • How we’re inadvertently telling our kids their choices aren’t good enough.
  • We’re not here to help our kids avoid mistakes, but to help them make choices after they understand the consequences.

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The Smart Way to Keep Kids Safer Online

Bark’s affordable, award-winning dashboard proactively monitors
text messages, YouTube, emails, and 24 different social networks
for potential safety concerns,
so busy parents can save time and gain peace of mind.

CLICK HERE TO GET BARK
Use coupon code GOODDAD at checkout for a 7-day free trial and 10% off!


Mike Kitko’s Links

mikekitko.com

Facebook

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

LINKS


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Bonding with Sons and Daughters

A Father’s Guide to Bonding with Sons and Daughters with Michael Gurian

According to Columbia University, children who have a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to drink, smoke, or use drugs. How we can strengthen the bond between father and son and father and daughter?

Michael Gurian is one of the world’s foremost experts on gender and the brain and has been called “The People’s Philosopher” for his ability to bring together people’s ordinary lives and scientific ideas. He is the NY Times bestselling author of thirty-two books, a keynote speaker, a husband and a father.

Michael tells us the top three reasons why today’s kids aren’t connecting with their dads. He teaches us to discover our assets as fathers and how to invite our kids to utilize them. He also shares the neuroscience behind the differences between bonding with sons and daughters, and how we be the best father to each gender.

Michael Gurian

Dr. Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of thirty two books published in twenty three languages. He provides counseling services in private practice.  The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals.

Michael has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including THE WONDER OF GIRLS, THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY!, THE MINDS OF BOYS and LEADERSHIP AND THE SEXES.

In the 1990s, Michael and his colleagues at the University of Missouri-Kansas City completed a two year pilot study that established best practices for educating boys and girls.  These strategies and Michael’s nature-based gender theory are now used in schools and communities worldwide.

One of the world’s foremost gender experts, Michael travels to approximately 25 cities per year to provide keynotes at conferences and speak at schools and in communities. Michael has served as a trainer and consultant to colleges, corporations, school districts, community agencies, faith communities, criminal justice personnel, and other professionals. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael’s work has been featured in nearly all the major media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Psychology Today, the Christian Science Monitor, Educational Leadership, the American School Board Journal, Family Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the 700 Club, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

What You’ll Learn

  • Michael’s mom had mental illness, and he grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse.
  • Michael’s father was mostly absent in his life until his dad was eighty years old.
  • It took 10 years of therapy for Michael to process his trauma. Therapy helped him recover and inspired him to become a counselor.
  • He’s been married to his wife 34 years, who is also a mental health counselor. They have two girls, aged 29 and 26.
  • Michael’s marriage advice: Establish domains as a couple. Figure out what each of you are good at and give each other space to do that. This prevents you trying to control each other.
  • Why you should compliment your spouse publicly.
  • Michael’s book, The Stone Boys, and why he wrote a story about traumatized boys.
  • The brain is not gender neutral. It shows differences according to sex beginning in utero.
  • Why we need to understand the male experience better
  • How culture is over-judging males and has lost the sense of value in a fathers’ masculinity
  • Dads are 50% of their kids support and development. They need to claim role in their kids’ lives.
  • Why kids aren’t connecting with dads
    • Divorce and child custody processes typically vilify the father.
    • The father abdicates to the mother or others because he doesn’t understand his role. He is afraid to assert himself as a father.
    • The father fails to invite the child to utilize him for the assets he has. He must be a presence. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation. Fathers and kids can bond with sports, movies, video games, and other activities.
  • Don’t be too permissive. Kids want structure.
  • How to be authoritative, not authoritarian.
  • The structure of a boy’s brain is wired to be more active. More blood flow goes to the doing part of the brain.
  • Females have more blood flow to the front and top of the brain. They solve problems internally by thinking and connect to emotive parts of brain.
  • Why females create rumination loops, leading to depression and anxiety.
  • How dads can listen to their daughters for ruminating, find the right time to step in, do a reality check, and offer suggestions.
  • Boys don’t have as many words for feelings as girls.
  • How dads can help their boys get their feelings out
  • What special activities dads can do with their daughters and sons to make the bond strong.
  • Figure out who you are as a dad and what your assets are.
  • Find common interests with your kids. Ritualize doing these things with your kids so you can establish your presence as the dad.
  • Gauge what your spouse is doing. What has she got covered? Where can you fill in the gaps as a husband and father?
  • The difference between maternal and paternal nurturing
  • How trauma effects boys and girls
  • Signs of trauma—if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, angry, or isolated, he or she may have been traumatized.
  • More kids are traumatized than we realize.
  • How the dad spirit organically works in the family dynamic. Trust it and embrace it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Taking Action as the Head of Your Family

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller

Imposter Syndrome: Defeating Your Inner Bully with Dr. Jamie Hope


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week.
The next one might be yours!

Thanks for the support.

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The Smart Way to Keep Kids Safer Online

Bark’s affordable, award-winning dashboard proactively monitors
text messages, YouTube, emails, and 24 different social networks
for potential safety concerns,
so busy parents can save time and gain peace of mind.

CLICK HERE TO GET BARK
Use coupon code GOODDAD at checkout for 10% off


Michael Gurian’s Links

MichaelGurian.com

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

LINKS


Hungry for more out of life?

Become one of the 350 men of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge