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toxic father

Making Peace with a Toxic Father

Our relationship with our fathers determines how we will be as fathers. But we have a choice. We can either repeat the cycle or use it as a lesson on how not to parent.

Forgiveness seems impossible when it comes to someone who hurt us so badly during the time that we needed them most, but it is the only way to not let the anger rule us as parents. Today we talk about making peace with a toxic father.

Justin Chester’s father was absent most of the time. When his dad was home, he was cold and mean. He’d lock Justin outside during rainstorms and pin him to the wall for not knowing how to tie his shoes.

Now Justin has been married for 3 years and is the father of two sons, a one-year-old and a newborn. He knew that holding onto the resentment and trauma was holding him back in life. In a heroic act of forgiveness, he reached out and confronted his dad to bury the pain. His toxic father cannot take back the past, but Justin is no longer letting it poison his future.

“Stay out of your head. Be okay with the unexpected. Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, and enjoy life where you’re at.”

What You’ll Learn

  • Operate within the man that you are.
  • When it comes to a toxic father, what could be instead of what was done to me?
  • Children are supposed to need their fathers, but sometimes the roles reverse and the parent needs the relationship with the child more than the child does.
  • Holding onto anger doesn’t benefit either of person or their situation in life.
  • Justin didn’t seek agreement from his toxic father. He decided to move past it for himself.
  • How to defeat the victim mentality.
  • Stop getting stuck in thoughts about how angry you are. Stop buying into your obsession. Move past and get to a better place so it is no longer holding you back in life.
  • Getting back to having real, naturally flowing conversations with your spouse.
  • Working towards what you want together instead of what you alone want.
  • How to be excited about the adventure of marriage and fatherhood

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Unf*ck Yourself with Gary John Bishop

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone

Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos

One Last Talk: Your Truth Matters with Philip McKernan


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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fatherhood first

Putting Fatherhood First—Larry Hagner on Purpose Chasers


Today, The Dad Edge visits the Purpose Chasers Podcast for a discussion with Mark Crandall about putting fatherhood first.

We talk about how our lack of a reliable father figure affected us, how we used that pain and confusion to become better men, and how we’ve screwed up as dads now that we are fathers.

We share how to balance the drive to provide for our families with being physically and emotionally present, and how to make undistracted time with our spouse and kids our number one priority.

Being a dad is the most important job we’ll ever have. Let’s make it epic!

Without connection, there is no influence.

Purpose Chasers

Purpose Chasers Podcast is designed to provide insights into personal development, spirituality, recovery, entrepreneurship and how to create an unstoppable mindset to empower individuals to break free from mediocrity and live extraordinarily.

Larry Hagner and The Dad Edge Alliance

“Are you struggling with connecting with your family? Maybe your efforts for being a positive father figure or a deeply devoted spouse aren’t quite being met. Or maybe you never had a father figure in your life, much less a positive relationship with your father, and you’re wanting to level up in how you parent your children. Regardless of your history, your future can still be rewritten. Sometimes our past, even the negative aspects, are needed to shape who we become in the future. You can make the choice today show up wholeheartedly for your family.

This week, I am talking with Larry Hagner, founder of The Good Dad Project as we dive into what it means to truly connect with your family. Larry shares with us his humble beginnings as he walks us through his personal journey of fatherhood. Being without a father figure present for most of his childhood, Larry shares with us the pivotal moment where he realized the father than we knew he needed to be for his own children. Listen as we journey through connectivity, using past experiences as an opportunity to grow, and how to show up for your family in the most authentic way.

What You’ll Learn

  • The 5 dimensions that encompass our heart and spirit at all times
  • Why connection determines your credibility within relationships
  • Using your experiences to set the foundation of a purpose-filled life
  • Why men need validation through their provision
  • How staying present is the key to strengthening your family
  • Why most people aren’t able to connect with their children or spouses
  • Navigating fatherhood and how to show up as your best self through marriage

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Embrace the Past to Win Your Future with Mark Crandall

Defying All Odds with Anthony Trucks

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood


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A Champion’s Uprising with Muay Thai Champion Chris Romulo

How do you learn how to make something of your life when you never had an example to follow?

Today’s guest knew he wanted to make a name for himself in the world, but he didn’t know how. Growing up with an unavailable, addicted father, he was filled with anger and took it out on those around him. But he says that we are all born with the champion spirit within. All we need to do is tap into it.

Muay Thai legend Chris Romulo returns to the show to share his story of a champion’s uprising. He talks about how he grew from a frustrated, depressed young man into a world-renowned fighter, and how he’s used what he’s learned in the ring to become the husband, father, entrepreneur and community leader he is today.

Chris Romulo

From the humblest of beginnings in Queens Village, Queens, it was Chris Romulo’s dream to make a name for himself. While he was physically present, Chris’ father was not emotionally or psychologically there for Chris or his family. This took a toll on Chris as he struggled with abandonment, depression, and bouts of anger. Watching his father struggle with a gambling addiction provided Chris the drive to achieve something greater for his life as he inched and clawed his way through his early years. But, it was a near death street fight that turned out to be the decisive moment that turned Chris to Muay Thai, setting him on a path to personal growth and success, in both the sport and life.

Muay Thai was the perfect outlet for Chris’ natural physicality. With this newfound passion, Romulo became a true pioneer of the sport in 1995. Despite limited opportunities to showcase his skills in New York City, his successes were many. Romulo was determined to learn and gain as much experience as possible training and fighting up and down the East coast. At the start of his career he racked up an impressive amateur record of 18-3-1(7), earning 5 WKA state and national titles.  His bronze medal performance at the 2004 IFMA tournament in Bangkok was the launching point for his jump to professional fighting.

In 2011, after an illustrious career in which he posted a remarkable pro record of 13-3 (10KO) and, his crowning achievement, earned the Professional North American Super Middleweight title in 2010, Romulo made the momentous decision to retire from fighting and pay his passion for the sport forward. Due to his successes in the ring, many of today’s young athletes grew up watching Chris, were inspired by him, and continue to look to him as a foundation of the East coast Muay Thai community.

The year 2009 was a pivotal year for Romulo in his desire to extend his reach beyond the ring. He decided to bring his passion and respect for the culture of Muay Thai to a more mainstream audience as he opened CROM Physical Culture in Rockaway Beach, Queens. Through CROM PC, Chris has been able to continue his work with the youth by partnering with the Muay Thai Preservation Project, offering scholarships to at risk youth for no cost. Romulo and CROM PC have helped shape and guide the lives of countless youth that have gone on to winning national Muay Thai championships, excelled in their education, and have become competent and confident individuals in their community.

Chris Romulo is a product of his resiliency and Muay Thai. In 2012, Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc to Rockaway Beach. Romulo and his wife, as well as many others in the community, lost everything. Their home and their business were destroyed. The entire peninsula was devastated. But, Chris’, and his wife’s, resiliency powered them through this time period. While living in a friend’s basement, Chris and his wife, Sarah, rebuilt their gym and became a central part of the Rockaway community as it tried to climb out of the hole that Sandy left. Today, CROM PC has a permanent home, incorporated new programming, and has a 300+ member community.

While reflecting on his 20+ years as a Muay Thai fighter and coach, Chris felt the need to increase his reach beyond the four walls of his gym and NYC to try to help change as many lives as possible.  In 2015, Chris began offering online training programs that focused on martial arts, fitness, and mindset. Chris’ projects in 2016 included creating the first ever World Muay Thai Summit, featuring superstars John Wayne Parr, Bazooka Joe Valtelini and Chris Algieri.

Champions Uprising

In May of 2017, Chris’ memoir, Champions Uprising, will be published. His story displays his unwavering mindset of determination, grit, and the perseverance of the human spirit. Chris Romulo grew up in a broken home. His mother Lucita, a Filipino immigrant, wanted Chris to go to college and live the American Dream. His father Carlito, also a Filipino immigrant, detached himself from the family and turned to gambling.

After a series of unfortunate events in grammar school, Chris took to the streets of Queens, New York, where at twenty years old a near-death street fight redirected his life and purpose. Chris then set off on a twenty-year journey through the study of Muay Thai, which took him from New York City to Bangkok, Thailand and back again. As a fighter, Chris went on to become the first professional North American Super-Middleweight Muay Thai Champion in 2010. But after retiring, Chris was forced to make one more comeback when Hurricane Sandy destroyed his home and gym in 2012.

Chris is convinced that struggle and setbacks can be the fuel to future success. He also believes that by understanding how the mind works, you can use your thoughts as weapons for hunting down your dreams rather than digging yourself into a hole. “Control your thoughts. Control your reality,” is a mantra Chris likes to live by. And he is eager to share his story with the world and uncover stories of “champions” of other industries, to show how we all have the tools inside us to overcome adversity when we tap into our fighting spirit. So while continuing to coach at CROM, Chris now motivates people outside of the gym’s four walls through public speaking.

“It all takes heart.”—Chris Romulo

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Larry Hagner on The Eight Count Podcast with Chris Romulo

Reversing Generations of Bad Parenting with 6-Time Muay Thai Champion Chris Romulo

The 4-Step Process to Build Unshakable Confidence

 


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Chris Romulo

chrisromulo.com

The Eight Count Podcast

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IT’S TIME TO RE-INVENT HOW WE SHOW UP FOR OUR FAMILIES

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meg meeker

Strong Fathers, Strong Kids with Meg Meeker


This might be our best episode ever here on The Dad Edge! Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician, mother, and bestselling author. As the country’s leading authority on parenting, teens, and children’s health, she has been featured on all major media. Meg Meeker is also the host of the Parenting Great Kids Podcast and offers a wide range of online courses for parents.

Dr. Meg says fathers have been undervalued and belittled in today’s society, yet statistics show how crucial dads are to the development of both boys and girls and their potential to become a happy, healthy, successful adults.

It’s time to own our roles in the lives of our sons and daughters.

Parenting great kids is hard but simple. Meg Meeker tells how we can take an active and consistent role in our kids’ lives in just minutes a day. Whether raising sons or daughters, Dr. Meg explains how we can show up best as dads by embracing and following our male instincts.

You are wired with everything you need to be a good dad.”—Meg Meeker, M.D.

Meg Meeker

Meg Meeker, M.D., has spent more than thirty years practicing pediatric and adolescent medicine and counseling teens and parents. Dr. Meeker is a fellow of the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute, is an associate professor of medicine at Michigan State School of Human Medicine. A popular speaker and bestselling author of several books, including the national bestseller, STRONG FATHERS, STRONG DAUGHTERS; THE 10 HABITS OF HAPPY MOTHERS; and BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS.

A popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships, she is a frequent guest on nationally syndicated radio and television programs. She works with the NFL Fatherhood Initiative and spoke at the UN in 2016 on family issues. Dr. Meeker lives in northern Michigan, where she shares a medical practice with her husband, Walter. They have four children.

Parenting Great Kids

Parents are trying to navigate children through a world they themselves don’t often understand. America’s Mom, Dr. Meg Meeker, the country’s trusted authority on parenting, teens, & children’s health, offers practical insights to help parents simplify. The pediatrician, mother, & best selling author engages with experts & parents to take on relevant issues, answer real questions, & provide simple hope & encouragement to every parent.

What You’ll Learn

  • Fatherlessness is the biggest problem in our country
  • Your presence as a man and father has enormous impact in your household.
  • Why Dr. Meg encourages dads to “get the big stuff right.”
  • Why it’s important to bring your kids into your world, like bringing them to work
  • In our culture, dads are belittled and often portrayed as morons. Moms are typically shown as having to take the lead, and not really needing dads for any meaningful role in the family except as the provider.
  • What is fear-based parenting?
  • Think about how your kids see you to inform the way you show up for them.
  • How to be a good dad after a hard day
  • Expecting yourself to be 100% engaged as soon as you get home is unrealistic.
  • It’s okay to take a half an hour to transition from work to family time.
  • How to keep a connection with your kids in simple, 5-minute gestures
  • Kids don’t need a lot of time and energy. They need quality.
  • You’ll never meet a more forgiving person in your life then your kids because your kids need you. If you make a blunder trying to connect with them, it won’t bother them as much as it bothers you.
  • Teaching kids to be affectionate, attentive, and good listeners
  • Why and how you should express yourself to your kids, especially when things aren’t going well. Tell them if you had a bad day. It teaches them that they can have a bad day and still have a good evening.
  • Why you set yourself up for failure if you try to engage with your kids as soon as they get home from school
  • Why the best time to talk to your kids is at bedtime
  • Kids often don’t know how they feel. You have to help them explore their feelings.
  • Boys connect better by doing activities together.
  • Girls connect better with talking.
  • Dads need to pull kids into what they like to do, but dads also need to get into their kids’ worlds. Get on their level and do what they like to do.
  • Parents shape who their kids become. Every time you surrender your role as the male figure to a coach or teacher, your kids are being shaped by them instead of you.
  • Limit extra-curricular activities. Your kids want more of you and less stuff to do.
  • How sports and extra-curricular activities can backfire your parenting strategy—when parents come to every event, the child feels that the only reason they get attention is because they are performing.
  • You have to have family time—like family dinners—at least twice a day, preferably four times a day.
  • When you have tension with someone in the family, you need more time with them, not less.
  • What to do when your daughter is becoming a teenager and wants to distance herself from you.
  • How much to control in your daughter’s dress and dating life
  • Your tone, manner, and voice are the standard of what male trust and respect will look like for your daughter all her life.
  • Every girl wants more healing from the relationship with her dad or more time with her dad.
  • How to give sons freedom to become their own men (and not try to make them into little copies of you)
  • Boys will develop strong character by their dads being a good example.
  • Make your kids know that you are there to link arms with them wherever they land.

Trust your instincts. You have male instincts, not female instincts. Good. Use them.—Dr. Meg Meeker


Meg Meeker’s Links

meekerparenting.com

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navy seal tactics for parents

Navy SEAL Tactics for Parents with Chris Sajnog

Retired Navy SEAL, Chris Sajnog, is one of our most popular guests. He is the premier firearms instructor in America, a bestselling author, and the host of the SEAL Training Podcast.

The Dad Edge went to his studio in San Diego for a live, in-person discussion about fatherhood, and we really went deep. Chris was abandoned by his father and carries the wound with him to this day. He vowed not to be like his estranged dad and gave up his accomplished military life to be there for his teenage boys.

Sadly, his sons don’t want to spend time with him. Chris opens up about dealing with the painful lack of connection with his sons, and how he maintains his fatherly presence in their lives.

Chris Sajnog also shares Navy SEAL tactics for parents to help us to learn anything quickly and effectively. He goes over the hard and soft traits we need to cultivate to be balanced men, and how we can apply the warrior mindset to everyday life.

For us to change our lives, we have to change who we identify ourselves as.—Chris Sajnog

Chris Sajnog

Chris Sajnog is a retired Navy SEAL Master Firearms Instructor, Neural-Pathway Training Expert, Speaker and Disabled Veteran Small Business Owner. He is one of the most experienced and respected firearms trainers in the world, being hand-selected to develop the training program for the US Navy SEAL Snipers. As a Navy SEAL he was the senior sniper instructor, a certified Master Training Specialist (MTS), BUD/S and advanced training marksmanship instructor.

After retiring from the SEAL Teams in 2009 to spend time with his family, Chris began training civilians and law enforcement officers. He is the founder of the New Rules of Marksmanship, a revolutionary approach to firearms training and has a passion for finding innovative ways to teach elite-level shooting skills online as rapidly as possible to his students.

He is a federal and state certified firearms instructor and has trained DOD, DHS, FBI, CIA, Law Enforcement, and multiple foreign allies in all aspects of combat weapons handling, marksmanship, and tactics.

He lives in San Diego, CA with his wife Laura and two boys, Caden and Owen.

What You’ll Learn

  • Chris’s mother was a flight attendant. His dad left when he was 2 years old.
  • Chris admits he was not a good student or son.
  • He was voted “most likely to end up in prison.”
  • Even though is dad didn’t want him around, Chris idolized him.
  • Chris’s dad was a manager at Hardee’s.
  • Chris forged documents and had eye surgery under a fake name to make it into the SEALs.
  • How Chris used his adversity as motivation
  • The importance of changing your identity
  • How to get your kid to identify themselves in a different way
  • How Chris gets his rebellious sons to do things that they refuse to do
  • How Chris’s boys don’t appreciate the fact that their father is a Navy SEAL
  • Chris has written his sons love letters and the life lessons he wants to pass onto them.
  • His sons don’t engage with him, but he doesn’t give up. He keeps trying to connect.
  • Navy SEAL tactics for parents
  • The importance of having a strong “why” when learning anything new or challenging
  • How to know whether or not you should quit something
  • How to assess if your path is serving you
  • Stop investing in a life for the wrong reasons that will not make you happy in the long run.
  • Why Chris won’t befriend men who aren’t good dads
  • How Chris turns civilians into warriors
  • The importance of meditation in a gunfight
  • It’s not what you train but how you train.

If you want to get better at being a dad, be around good dads.—Chris Sajnog

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Leading Our Family With Confidence with Chris Sajnog

The 12 Traits of a Warrior Part 1: The Hard Traits with Chris Sajnog

12 Traits of a Warrior Part II: The Soft Traits

Dad Edge Alliance Q&#038;A: Allowing Your Kids to Have Their Feelings with Chris Sajnog


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Chris Sajnog’s Links

chrissajnog.com

SEAL Training Podcast

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

LINKS


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