The Psychology Behind Marriage and Relationships with Kevin Gilliland

Kevin Gilliland

Kevin Gilliland is a husband, father, and author, and licensed clinical psychologist. He is the executive director of Innovation 360, an out-patient counseling service that helps individuals and couples struggling with mental health, relationship issues, and substance abuse. Kevin is the author of Struggle Well. Live Well. – 60 Ways to Navigate Life’s Good, Bad, and In-Between. This book is told through the eyes of Kevin and his approach to going through life. The topics in the book range from simple things such as work-life balance, to heavier topics such as mental illness and addiction. Kevin’s podcast Struggle Well. Live Well. Worry Less. helps people overcome anxiety, worry, mental health, and how we can treat the things that lead to a worry free life.

There is a certain psychology that comes with marriage. Marriage is one of the most rewarding and unique relationships that we will ever have. It’s hard to be aware of things we’re focused on when we’re in it. Sometimes, we are blinded by emotional resentment; we need the other person to give us input on how we perform best and what we need to do to work on things. The great thing about our spouses is that they can act as a mental coach in our lives. They see the things that we can’t see because we are unaware of what’s happening. They also can give us the potential to unlock our best selves when they give us their outside perspective. This doesn’t mean that you need to be their coach or vice versa; this means that you can give them constructive reinforcement for things they can work on or things they are good at in order for them to better themselves. This is important to remember because we don’t want to damage the connection we have with our spouses. We want to elevate them, not mentor them.

What You’ll Learn: 

[6:58]

Kevin talks about how he got into psychology.

[12:32]

Kevin discusses emotional resentment in marriages. He answers the question, “What does it take to become the best man you can be?”

[18:25]

Kevin talks about the costs of doing something about a problem that arises in your marriage versus doing nothing about it.

[22:34]

Marriage is a never-ending series of difficult conversations. The more we do it, the better we get at it, and we start to see the results of it.

[25:11]

Kevin talks about the fear of addressing difficulties in marriage, and how some people would rather give up than face the problem head on.

[37:09]

Kevin discusses the common themes between couples who have a great relationship and those who have a mediocre relationship.

[44:35]

Kevin gives advice to men that are within their first seven years of marriage.

[47:51]

Kevin talks about quiet expectations in a marriage.

[54:55]

Kevin discusses the issue of couples getting too upset over the mundane things that are really covering up the larger issues that need to be addressed. You can’t get hung up in the details that don’t really matter.

[58:22]

Kevin talks about the problem with asking, “Why?” when there’s a problem because it doesn’t give any insight as to what’s wrong. The typical responses to why someone is feeling a certain why is “I don’t know,” “Yes,” or “No.”

[1:01:17]

Kevin talks about his resources.

RELATED EPISODES:

Communication Mastery for Fathers with Chris Voss

Marriage Partnership in Action

How to Level Up Your Marriage with Dan Purcell


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