accountability partner

Start Reaching Your Goals with an Accountability Partner

When it comes to committing to our goals, we often let ourselves down. We’ll sleep in instead of getting that workout in. We’ll give in to that junk food or extra beer. We’ll put off our big dreams for another day. No one will know that we didn’t follow through. But if we have to answer to someone else, the whole game changes. Today we talk about how you can start reaching your goals with an accountability partner.

In this episode, you will see the accountability partner dynamic in action in the Dad Edge Alliance. Ninety-six of our members signed up for #75Hard, a 75-day challenge that develops physical and mental strength. We matched everyone up with accountability partners. Today you’ll get to hear about some of the powerful transformations that happened just by having someone to answer to and give support.

What You’ll Learn

  • Having an Accountability Partner helps you reach your goals and:
    • Strengthens mental toughness
    • Helps you live with more intention
    • Increases self-sufficiency
    • Promotes calm
    • Enhances creative problem-solving
  • You can inspire other men by achieving what they think they can’t.
  • Serving others helps you to take the focus off yourself. Life is bigger.
  • Accountability trains you to show up.
  • It feels rewarding to tell someone you met your goals.
  • Following through with an accountability partner allows your family see your commitment and discipline.
  • You get the tough love you need to push through resistance
  • You will have someone who knows you can do it, even if you think you can’t.
  • 75Hard rules
    • Exercise twice a day for 45 minutes each. One workout must be outdoors.
    • Drink a gallon of water a day.
    • Choose any diet or eating plan and stick with it for 75 days. No cheat meals and NO ALCOHOL.
    • Read a minimum of 10 pages every day of personal development or business book
    • Take one progress photo each day.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

What It’s Like to Do the 75Hard Challenge

Pulling the Positive from Failures with UFC Champion Frankie Edgar

Raising Kids with the Dichotomy of Leadership with Jocko Willink

Extreme Ownership for Fathers with Leif Babin

 


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

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Determined Dads

Podcast

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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Surround yourself with men who will hold you accountable.

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Lifequakes: Navigating Pivotal Times with Bruce Feiler


How are you handling all the change happening in our world? Homeschooling, job changes, financial challenges, social upheaval? We are living in tumultuous times, but our guest today tells us that we are in a constant cycle of transitions, and we can use major life changes as catalysts for huge growth that will serve us in the future.

Bruce Feiler is the bestselling author of Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age. He talks about these lifequake moments and how we can navigate through times of massive change. He tells about how we, as fathers, can apply this fluidity to our family dynamics. He also reveals the cyclical nature of our experience.

Life rarely works out the way we expect it to. Get mentally prepared to reap the most from transitions.

“Life transitions are a lifelong sport that no one knows how to play.”—Bruce Feiler

Bruce Feiler

BRUCE FEILER is the author of seven New York Times bestsellers; the presenter of two primetime series on PBS; and the inspiration for the drama series COUNCIL OF DADS on NBC. Bruce’s two TED Talks have been viewed more than two million times.

Employing a firsthand approach to his work, Bruce is known for living the experiences he writes about. His work combines timeless wisdom with timely knowledge to allow people to live with more meaning, passion, and joy.

For more than a decade, Bruce has explored the intersection of families, relationships, and well-being. THE SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES collects best practices from some of the country’s most creative minds. The book was featured on World News, GMA, and TODAY and excerpted in the Wall Street Journal and Parade. THE COUNCIL OF DADS describes how faced with one of life’s greatest challenges, he asked six friends to support his daughters. The book was profiled in PEOPLE, USA Today, and Time and was the subject of a CNN documentary.

A native of Savannah, Georgia, Bruce lives in Brooklyn with wife, Linda Rottenberg, and their identical twin daughters. For more information, please visit www.brucefeiler.com.

Life is in the Transitions

A pioneering and timely study of how to navigate life’s biggest transitions with meaning, purpose, and skill

Bruce Feiler, author of the New York Times bestsellers The Secrets of Happy Families and Council of Dads, has long explored the stories that give our lives meaning. Galvanized by a personal crisis, he spent the last few years crisscrossing the country, collecting hundreds of life stories in all fifty states from Americans who’d been through major life changes—from losing jobs to losing loved ones; from changing careers to changing relationships; from getting sober to getting healthy to simply looking for a fresh start. He then spent a year coding these stories, identifying patterns and takeaways that can help all of us survive and thrive in times of change.

What Feiler discovered was a world in which transitions are becoming more plentiful and mastering the skills to manage them is more urgent for all of us. The idea that we’ll have one job, one relationship, one source of happiness is hopelessly outdated. We all feel unnerved by this upheaval. We’re concerned that our lives are not what we expected, that we’ve veered off course, living life out of order. But we’re not alone.

Life Is in the Transitions introduces the fresh, illuminating vision of the nonlinear life, in which each of us faces dozens of disruptors. One in ten of those becomes what Feiler calls a lifequake, a massive change that leads to a life transition. The average length of these transitions is five years. The upshot: We all spend half our lives in this unsettled state. You or someone you know is going through one now.

The most exciting thing Feiler identified is a powerful new tool kit for navigating these pivotal times. Drawing on his extraordinary trove of insights, he lays out specific strategies each of us can use to reimagine and rebuild our lives, often stronger than before.

From a master storyteller with an essential message, Life Is in the Transitions can move readers of any age to think deeply about times of change and how to transform them into periods of creativity and growth.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why Bruce likes to switch up traditional gender roles in his household
  • What it means to have dads much more involved in parenting
  • Dads have a role that’s not right or wrong, just different.
  • The home is the safe space to air grievances.
  • Each day, ask your family:
    • What worked well in our family this week?
    • What didn’t work well?
    • What are we going to work on this week?
  • Tell your family that we are going to talk about our feeling no matter how painful it is.
  • Who should take the lead as the parent?
  • Moms and dads are fluid, and so are our roles.
  • A LIFEQUAKE is a huge change, voluntary or involuntary, but the transition is our choice and each individual’s transitions will differ.
  • In the ancient world, life was considered a cycle. Today we look at life as a linear path, but this is not accurate. Life is not linear. It’s not predictable.
  • We go through 3 dozen disruptors in our lifetime. One in ten is a massive life change that takes 5 years to get through.
  • Bruce talks about tools to navigate these periods when we feel scared, alone, frustrated, and helpless.
  • People who know more about family history do better in the world. Kids can better cope when they know to expect ups and downs.
  • The ascending narrative, the descending narrative, and the oscillating narrative.
  • Normalize transitions. They are not unexpected.
  • What can we ask ourselves and our kids to help them in the time of change?
  • Use rituals to be open to what’s to come.
  • Life is the story we tell ourself. Listen to the story in your head.
  • What happens when something goes wrong in our story? We have to rewrite our story on the fly. That’s what it’s all about. Add a new chapter about us going through this period and find what is constructive in it. Keep the story moving forward.
  • We each have a transition power and a transition kryptonite. What are yours?
  • We miss huge periods of growth if we turn away from transition. Don’t close your eyes when the scary parts start.

Don’t close your eyes when the scary parts start.—Bruce Feiler

RELATED EPISODES:

Transform Your Pain into Explosive Inner Growth

Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build Mental Resilience with Ben Aldridge

How to Lead Your Family Through Crisis

 


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Bruce Feiler’s Links

brucefeiler.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 420 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


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Tag us when you share on social media!

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From Trauma to Transformation

From Trauma to Transformation

Unresolved trauma from our childhood affects every part of our lives, but the only way to be free from the pain of the past is to face it. When we acknowledge that we’ve been hurt, we can heal ourselves from within by starting with a few, small, brave steps.

We warn you that today’s show may be disturbing for some listeners.

Longtime Dad Edge Alliance member, Kevin Gilroy, is the author of The Kid Upstairs, his story about overcoming trauma and sexual abuse. Kevin went through most of his life avoiding the darkness, numbing the unease in destructive ways. Now he is a new man, and courageously tells us how he finally confronted his childhood and carved his own path from trauma to transformation.

 

The Kid Upstairs by Kevin Gilroy

Becoming a father 3 years ago was the greatest accomplishment of my life. I was full of hope, happiness and gratitude that I was able to raise my daughter alongside my wife. This was the dream: to start a family.

It was soon after that the anxiety and depression hit — 27 years worth. Up until that point, I had pushed away dealing with my past: the loss of two brothers, sexual abuse before the age of 12 and coming to grips with my decisions thereafter.

I let these events dictate what happened next in life and it was time to face the music again. I had the choice to either face them head on or continue to live in my own shadows. I decided to finally face them, which is why this book exists.

The Kid Upstairs is my journey to re-write the narrative of the past from a negative to a positive. This is my own conscious reparenting to see the story from all angles, understand my part in it and then releasing the emotions attached to it. These chapters are my therapy sessions.

The book is not intended to be a self-help instruction manual for others to follow. Rather, it is a story of someone who felt like there were no answers left and — with the support of a few key people — was able to turn the table and step into a better future.

My goal in sharing this raw journal is to inspire other men to dig deep into their pasts and release the emotions tied to their own life-shaping events. Maybe there is healing to be found in writing a book, talking to a friend, seeing a therapist, all of the above or none of the above, but however you choose to acknowledge your story, you are not alone. Better days are possible. Here’s how I came to realize mine.

What You’ll Learn

  • The ways in which Kevin’s trauma projected onto his normal life
  • Kevin didn’t know that what he experienced was sexual abuse until he was an adult.
  • How his abuser normalized what he did to Kevin
  • Kevin numbed and isolated himself from a young age without really knowing why he was so angry
  • Kevin was one of 8 kids and his parents were unaware of his issues.
  • How Kevin took his healing into his own hands
  • The specific steps he took to address and recover from his trauma
  • What Keven’s life is like now as a husband and the father of two
  • How he forgave his abuser

RELATED EPISODES:

Making Peace with a Toxic Father

Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Kevin Gilroy

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


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Tag us when you share on social media!

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armor down daddy up

Armor Down/Daddy Up


We show up best when we are fully present in the moment, but we have a tendency to live in defense-mode based on fears from the past. It’s not that we’re not capable of being more open and mindful. It’s that we don’t know how. Today, Ben King gives us the skillset to armor down and daddy up.

Ben King is an Iraq War veteran and Purple Heart recipient who has helped hundreds of veterans “armor down” with mindfulness, meditation, and yoga practices. He tells us how he changed his perspective on what it means to be strong and how that has transformed him as a man and father. He explains how to get out of the stories we tell ourselves and get into our bodies to experience life more objectively. He also teaches us how to hone our skills of empathy and patience so that we can move with life instead of against it. Armor Down. Daddy Up!

Our greatest assets show up when we are fully present in the moment.–Ben King, Armor Down/Daddy Up

Armor Down/Daddy Up

The Armor Down/Daddy Up!™ (AD/DU!) program is designed to assist veterans and active-duty warriors with reentering their families in the most productive and rewarding ways possible. It is also designed to be of value to others who have been impacted by trauma-related experiences.

What You’ll Learn

  • Our skillset fails, not our patience.
  • Surviving on approval can create panic.
  • We often model parents’ triggering.
  • Down-regulate patterns that are built into your system.
  • Defeating meathead patterns.
  • Men are viewed as protectors, using physicality and violence in gesture.
  • How Ben King changed his idea of what it meant to be strong. It used to be a presentation. This had its limitations.
  • Identify the mindfulness tools that help you. What are the most efficient? Keep bringing them back.
  • Train every day to hone your skills on a regular basis.
  • As you become more mindful, the layers of being a father and a man become more nuanced and exciting.
  • Operating from the intellect and the culturally articulated idea of masculinity is ineffective.
  • Getting out of the way of our bodies.
  • The driver is the heart. Become heart-focused.
  • Ben discovered that the greatest version of himself was not the armored version, but the one that flowed.
  • Your story about yourself determines how you will act
  • If you’re operating from a place of threat, you cannot use your mind’s high-functioning processors.
  • Align your spine, straighten your shoulders to stimulate your parasympathetic system.
  • Love by its very nature conquers fear.
  • Trauma ruptures your relationship with what was a predictable normal life.
  • The rupture gets filled with maladaptive habits that are flawed.
  • Give your kid access to the information given them by their body when they are experiencing emotions. Tell them, “It’s okay to feel what your feeling. Let’s look at it.”
  • Press your kids to their edge and then let them take the next step on their own.
  • Ben’s simple but genius candy strategy to make sure “the walk home” after an event with your kids ends on a positive note.

MENTIONED EPISODES

The Challenges of Being a Military Veteran Dad

Staring Down the Wolf with ex-Navy SEAL Mark Divine

The Real, Transparent, Imperfect Dad with Tim Kennedy

 


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

PLUS 1 Free Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


Ben King’s Links

dadvocacyconsultinggroup.com

Facebook

YouTube

Instagram

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

Marriage Skills for Men

How’s your marriage? Great? Okay? Bad? Could it be better?

Of course it could, but we are never taught marriage skills. We expect our relationship to work by default, but it’s not going to get better on its own. Marriage takes constant, intentional work. No relationship runs on autopilot no matter how much a couple loves each other.

John Barbee felt he was failing as a husband and a father. He realized he was only participating with his family on a surface level. One day, he decided to take action and shape his relationship with his wife. This involved communication, partnership, friendship, and intimacy. Mostly, it involved investing in himself.

Now John’s excited about his marriage again and is here to share his marriage skills for men. Get ready to finally learn how to fill your marriage with possibility again!

Never give up on your marriage.

What You’ll Learn

  • The accelerated growth and phenomenal change that happens when you start to take care of yourself
  • John always thought that just being in the room with his kids while watching TV was “being present” in their lives.
  • We say “yes” to all the things and can only give a fraction of the effort. What is really important?
  • The difference between quitting and prioritizing what matters
  • It’s up to you to direct your marriage and update your knowledge on how to cultivate a rich family life.
  • Good sex does not mean you have a good relationship.
  • What happens when you grow and those around are not changing? Can you outgrow your marriage?
  • What turned John’s marriage around?
  • Who can men really go to about problems in their relationships?
  • We often live in superficial connection.
  • How to take on deep conversations with your spouse
  • Involve questions that connect. Did you ever ask what makes your wife happy? What makes her upset? What are her likes, dislikes?
  • Why it’s important to understand your spouse’s childhood
  • Stop trying to fix your spouse. Love her for who she is right now.
  • Work on yourself. Be patient. When you start growing, you want everyone to grow with you, but everyone has their own pace. If you are your best self, you are helping them to become their best.

MENTIONED EPISODES

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage

What It’s Like to Do the #75Hard Challenge

Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol with Ruari Fairbairns


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

PLUS 1 Free Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 420 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge