Bonding with Sons and Daughters

A Father’s Guide to Bonding with Sons and Daughters with Michael Gurian

According to Columbia University, children who have a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to drink, smoke, or use drugs. How we can strengthen the bond between father and son and father and daughter?

Michael Gurian is one of the world’s foremost experts on gender and the brain and has been called “The People’s Philosopher” for his ability to bring together people’s ordinary lives and scientific ideas. He is the NY Times bestselling author of thirty-two books, a keynote speaker, a husband and a father.

Michael tells us the top three reasons why today’s kids aren’t connecting with their dads. He teaches us to discover our assets as fathers and how to invite our kids to utilize them. He also shares the neuroscience behind the differences between bonding with sons and daughters, and how we be the best father to each gender.

Michael Gurian

Dr. Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of thirty two books published in twenty three languages. He provides counseling services in private practice.  The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals.

Michael has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including THE WONDER OF GIRLS, THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY!, THE MINDS OF BOYS and LEADERSHIP AND THE SEXES.

In the 1990s, Michael and his colleagues at the University of Missouri-Kansas City completed a two year pilot study that established best practices for educating boys and girls.  These strategies and Michael’s nature-based gender theory are now used in schools and communities worldwide.

One of the world’s foremost gender experts, Michael travels to approximately 25 cities per year to provide keynotes at conferences and speak at schools and in communities. Michael has served as a trainer and consultant to colleges, corporations, school districts, community agencies, faith communities, criminal justice personnel, and other professionals. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael’s work has been featured in nearly all the major media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Psychology Today, the Christian Science Monitor, Educational Leadership, the American School Board Journal, Family Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the 700 Club, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

What You’ll Learn

  • Michael’s mom had mental illness, and he grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse.
  • Michael’s father was mostly absent in his life until his dad was eighty years old.
  • It took 10 years of therapy for Michael to process his trauma. Therapy helped him recover and inspired him to become a counselor.
  • He’s been married to his wife 34 years, who is also a mental health counselor. They have two girls, aged 29 and 26.
  • Michael’s marriage advice: Establish domains as a couple. Figure out what each of you are good at and give each other space to do that. This prevents you trying to control each other.
  • Why you should compliment your spouse publicly.
  • Michael’s book, The Stone Boys, and why he wrote a story about traumatized boys.
  • The brain is not gender neutral. It shows differences according to sex beginning in utero.
  • Why we need to understand the male experience better
  • How culture is over-judging males and has lost the sense of value in a fathers’ masculinity
  • Dads are 50% of their kids support and development. They need to claim role in their kids’ lives.
  • Why kids aren’t connecting with dads
    • Divorce and child custody processes typically vilify the father.
    • The father abdicates to the mother or others because he doesn’t understand his role. He is afraid to assert himself as a father.
    • The father fails to invite the child to utilize him for the assets he has. He must be a presence. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation. Fathers and kids can bond with sports, movies, video games, and other activities.
  • Don’t be too permissive. Kids want structure.
  • How to be authoritative, not authoritarian.
  • The structure of a boy’s brain is wired to be more active. More blood flow goes to the doing part of the brain.
  • Females have more blood flow to the front and top of the brain. They solve problems internally by thinking and connect to emotive parts of brain.
  • Why females create rumination loops, leading to depression and anxiety.
  • How dads can listen to their daughters for ruminating, find the right time to step in, do a reality check, and offer suggestions.
  • Boys don’t have as many words for feelings as girls.
  • How dads can help their boys get their feelings out
  • What special activities dads can do with their daughters and sons to make the bond strong.
  • Figure out who you are as a dad and what your assets are.
  • Find common interests with your kids. Ritualize doing these things with your kids so you can establish your presence as the dad.
  • Gauge what your spouse is doing. What has she got covered? Where can you fill in the gaps as a husband and father?
  • The difference between maternal and paternal nurturing
  • How trauma effects boys and girls
  • Signs of trauma—if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, angry, or isolated, he or she may have been traumatized.
  • More kids are traumatized than we realize.
  • How the dad spirit organically works in the family dynamic. Trust it and embrace it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Taking Action as the Head of Your Family

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller

Imposter Syndrome: Defeating Your Inner Bully with Dr. Jamie Hope


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Michael Gurian’s Links

MichaelGurian.com

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Resources

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Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

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living your authentic life

Living Your Authentic Life


Are you living your authentic life? What if you have everything that’s supposed to make you happy and you’re still miserable?

On today’s show, we have Dad Edge Alliance member and everyday dad, Josh Long. Josh had a very successful 16-year career that he hated. He was so hungry for significance in his life, that he threw himself into volunteering for his community. He eventually ran for city council and won. Everything looked very admirable on the outside, but inside he was dying.

Josh was overcommitted and stressed. He began to rely on alcohol to cope. His marriage was in crisis, and he started investing emotionally in another woman. He was living a life of quiet desperation, until he took a hard look at what he was giving his time and energy to and realized he was living for the wrong reasons.

Listen to how Josh saved his marriage, became a better father, and started living a life according to his true values.

“We have to rebuild ourselves before we rebuild our marriages.”—Josh Long, The Dad Edge Alliance

 

RELATED EPISODES:

5 Rules for an Unshakable Marriage

Why Your Ego is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday

How to Stop Being A Miserable F*ck with John Kim


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If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
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CLICK HERE.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE book on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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confident mentally tough daughters

How to Raise Confident, Mentally Tough Daughters with Emily McCarthy


What kind of father do we need to be to raise girls into strong, empathetic, and emotionally resilient women? Today’s show is all about how to raise confident, mentally tough daughters.

Emily McCarthy is a former case officer for the CIA and the cofounder of GORUCK, a brand with Special Forces roots that leads backpacking events all over the world.

Emily lost her father when she was just getting out of college. It was a devastating blow, but the foundation he laid will echo for generations.

Emily talks about how her dad gamified safety and defense so she would always be ready to protect herself and others. She also talks about the many ways her father showed up in her life that made her into the incredible woman she is today.

Emily’s story is proof of the ripple effect a father leaves on his children’s lives, even if his time is cut short. Don’t miss this moving episode.

My father was a big part of my life because he showed up.

How to Raise Confident, Mentally Tough Daughters

  • What it was like for Emily to witness her father dying
  • The void left by the pillar of the family
  • In the wake of his death, she traveled the world as a language teacher.
  • How Emily’s father taught her and her brother important lessons veiled in fun activities
  • How her dad showed them to protect themselves through the gamification of safety and defense
  • How Emily’s father expected her to protect her brother and anyone who needed help
  • The many large and small ways her dad showed up for her
  • Emily’s father technique to train her “not to be a wuss”
  • How Emily’s father’s lessons helped her through bullying
  • How to instill healthy fear in your children
  • If you shelter a child too much, they will not have the healthy fear to protect themselves.
  • The unusual relationship between her and her husband/GORUCK cofounder, Jason
  • How once, in 5 years of their marriage, they never lived together
  • Her experience as a case officer for the CIA post-911
  • The happy accident of the GORUCK idea
  • How GORUCK events make people excited about life and bring about a sense of community
  • The benefits of GORUCK Events for parents and kids
  • How kids in a group setting self-correct­­–”the village teaches”
  • Rucking is just like life–you don’t know what to expect.
  • How Emily sees her father in her children, even though they never met him.

RELATED EPISODES:

How to Protect Your Daughter Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally with Warren Petersen

Being a Coach, a Dad, and Raising Strong Daughters with Bret Johnson

Raising Kids with the Dichotomy of Leadership with Jocko Willink

Emily McCarthy’s Links

gooddadproject.com/goruck

Find a GORUCK Club

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Instagram

 


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CLICK HERE.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

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Links


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Teaching Your Kids to Defend Themselves

Teaching Your Kids to Defend Themselves

Fight, flight, or freeze. These are humans’ three reactions to danger. What tools do your kids have to defend themselves when they are threatened?

As parents, we hope our kids will never be forced into this position, but in order to protect them, we must teach them how to stick up for themselves.

Martial arts are a great way to give kids the tools they need to defend themselves. They also teach life skills like discipline, perseverance, and courage. It’s not just about fighting. It’s about empowerment—physical, mental, and emotional.

Today we have Dad Edge Alliance member Philipp Lomboy back on the show. He is a martial arts and self-defense expert and the creator of the Everyday Fighter podcast and community. He is also the father of four girls. He has instilled training as part of his daughters’ lives and has raised them to know that they have the right to set their own boundaries and demand respect.

Listen to the benefits of teaching your kids to defend themselves in this short episode!

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RELATED EPISODES:

The Everyday Fighter in Life


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Philipp Lomboy’s Links

everydayfighter.me

Facebook

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE book on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance


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Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

The Dad Edge Podcast is honored beyond words to have John Eldredge on the show. He is the author of the bestselling book Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul and is here to talk about our core needs as men and our constant quest for validation.

He also shares life-changing insights on how to become a student of our child’s heart and interpret their experiences for them so that they can become happier, stronger adults.

 

On being a dad: 'It’s not about perfection. It’s about love.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #dads #fathers #fatherhood #parenting Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • The inspiration for John Eldredge’s book, Wild at Heart
  • How we are in the midst of the collapse of gender
  • Why guys are confused on what it means to be a man
  • How men can be restored by doing internal work
  • Why most men don’t know they have a genuine strength to offer the world
  • How most of us ‘fake it’ through life, but inside, we doubt who we are
  • What things men are compensating for
  • Why men are so afraid to fail
'The number one ingredient for a child's success is having a dad who cares and who is involved.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #dads #fathers #fatherhood #parenting Click To Tweet
  • What it means to be a student of your child’s heart and why you need to become one
  • How to start giving your kids low-grade challenges to build their confidence
  • How to also implement low-grade failures so they can discover that they will survive through setbacks
  • How looking to your kid as a source of personal validation is damaging
  • How to wire your parenting for each child
  • How to be a dad to daughters
  • How a father defines his daughters identity
  • What a father can do to ensure his daughter trusts masculine strength
  • What to do when you blow up and anger
  • How to not let your child’s feelings turn into ‘agreements’ or negative conclusions about life
  • How to take the power of validation away from high-pressure situations
'A man will design his entire life to avoid anything that might expose him, and to only stay in the areas where he is getting some validation.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #men #dads #fathers #masculinity #comfortzone #fear… Click To Tweet

We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

We read a review on the show each week. The next one could be yours!

 


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John Eldredge’s Links

Website

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THE DAD EDGE SUMMIT 2018

JUNE 7TH – 9TH – ST. LOUIS

Are you an extraordinary father looking to accelerate in all aspects of your life?
Are you looking to connect to like-minded Dads that want to come together to strengthen and grow in their abilities both personally and professionally?
The Dad Edge 2018 Summit (Live Event) will set you up to do exactly that.

LEARN MORE


Resources

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance