Podcast Episodes

Thomas Fiffer, divorced dad

Essential Parenting Tips for the Divorced Man with Thomas Fiffer – GDP016

Essential Parenting Tips for the Divorced Man

Larry and Shawn were extremely grateful to have Thomas Fiffer on the show.  Thomas is an author and the Executive Editor of The Good Men Project.  Thomas oversees over 200 published articles per week from several different writers.  The site is dedicated to be a shining example of the modern man.  The Good Men Project is one of the most popular sites for men and women generating over 3 million unique visitors per month.  It offers several resources, blogs, articles, and links to books that help men and women simply understand each other better.

Key Take-Aways

In this episode, Thomas gives us several key strategies to help any divorced man:

  • Overcome common challenges of divorced Dads

  • How to model healthy relationship behavior to our kids

  • How to Dismantle the stereotypical incompetent father stereotype

Advantages to being a Divorced Man

The divorce rate is nearly 47% in the US.  Unfortunately, being a divorced man in the 20th century comes with several challenges.  However, Thomas shares a few insights that can be advantageous.

1.  There can be “relief and peace” within divorce. Meaning, once a relationship is beyond repair, divorce can offer an opportunity for each individual to heal from a troubled relationship.
2.  Divorce can also allow us to show up better as a parent without the constant stress and presence of a troubled relationship.
3.  Limited time with with kids allows the divorced man to give 100% of his attention to his children while he is in their presence.

Model Healthy Relationship Behavior

Modeling healthy relationship behavior to our kids can certainly be a challenge when divorced dads have limited time with kids.  Tom shares his insights about what it means to model healthy relationship behavior being a divorced man.

  • Respect:  Respect is the foundation of any relationship.  Ensuring we are teaching our kids through example about respect.  Finally, ensuring that we are demonstrating what “self-respect” is to our kids through example.

  • Control the Controllables:  The only people we can truly control are ourselves.  Don’t waste time or energy trying to control someone else in a relationship.

  • Be The Best for the Ex:  As difficult as that may sound, it will eventually make everyone’s life easier.  That doesn’t mean that a divorced man has to be the best for his ex.  It also means the divorced woman has to do the same.  This is a mutual agreement between both people to simply be their best for each other to achieve the same goal of raising healthy kids.

How to recognize a rotten relationship before it’s too late

Thomas wrote an article several years ago that gained a lot of attention on the internet.  The article really hit home with a lot of people.  It was entitled The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship

Below are the 7 Deadly Signs:

1. Tedium: You have the same argument over and over again and never resolve it. This is perhaps the most obvious sign that something is wrong.

2. Blame: Everything is always your fault. And I mean everything. Dysfunctional partners avoid accountability like the plague.

3. Guilt: You’re constantly apologizing, even for things you didn’t do. Keeping the peace requires you to suck it up—every single time. It becomes a joke, the way you take the fall for everything, but it’s not funny, and you begin to feel worthless and ashamed.

4. Tension: When things are good, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

5. Uncertainty: You never know who’s going to be there when you get home. One night, your partner is sweet, kind, and forgiving. The next, you can do no right.

6. Frustration: Getting even the simplest things done is hugely complicated. Despite your best efforts, you’re always butting heads and can’t work with your partner as a team. If you try to lead, you’re attacked. If you try to follow, you’re never doing enough of the scutwork.

7. Hopelessness: You feel like there’s a dark cloud over your life that won’t go away—a permanent weather system that obscures the sun. This is the saddest feeling of all. You lose your optimism, your light, the spark that keeps you going.

Read Thomas Fiffer’s Full Article Here:  The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Links Mentioned In This Episode

Books Mentioned In This Episode

perfect-supplements-banner3.png Thank You! Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

terrible husband

Confessions of a Terrible Husband with Nick Pavlidis – GDP015

Confessions of a Terrible Husband

Nick Pavlidis writes, speaks, and coaches on improving relationships and starting/growing businesses in a way that respects family boundaries. His first book, Confessions of a Terrible Husband: Lessons Learned from a Lumpy Couch takes you inside the mind (and house) of a terrible husband who thought he knew it all and the process he undertook to improve his relationship from the inside out. Nick shows us how he became a terrible husband and gives us the exact process he undertook to become a more loving and engaged husband and father.

Key Take-Aways

  • Nick gives some pretty direct advice on how to improve work/life balance.

  • How we can confuse “work success” with “life and relationship success”

  • How to keep your priorities straight in marriage and business

Why Nick Was a Terrible Husband:

Nick was actually not a “stereotypical terrible husband.”  Nick was a loving, gentle, non-abusive husband.  However, before his transformation, he claims his life revolved around work.  During our interview with Nick, he reveals what it was like living in the mind, the house, and the relationship of “a self-proclaimed terrible husband.”

His Life Revolved Around Work

Before Nick’s transformation, he struggled with a serious imbalance of work and family time.  He tells us in the interview that his family obligations revolved around the demands of his day job as an attorney.

“Work/Family Balance” is something that nearly every Dad struggles with.  Reason being, we derive a lot of value and validation from the workplace.  At times it is so easy to confuse providing for our families in a materialistic manner vs. an emotional manner.

If you are struggling with this, trust me, you are not alone.  So many of us struggle with this daily battle.  Nick shares a lot of heartfelt tips and tricks to help all of us get over this obstacle.

How Nick Completely Changed

You may be thinking that Nick suddenly realized the error of his ways and made dramatic shifts in his perspective and behavior.  However, he tells us he did the exact opposite.

Nick states:  “I just tried to do the next right thing.”

Nick decided not to make a huge production about his decision to be better.  Instead, he decided to simply make daily shifts in his behavior all based around the mindset of “doing the next right thing.”  He based a lot of his new behavior, perspective, and actions on the below principles:

  • He used the leadership strategies he learned in the business world and applied them to his marriage.

  • He realized success in business didn’t mean success in life.

  • He focused on changing himself and not changing the people in his life.

  • He learned his triggers when he was more likely to be unpleasant.

  • He decided to help and learn life-changing guidance from mentors.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Nick Pavlidis Links

  • Twitter: @nickpavlidis

  • Facebook www.facebook.com/aterriblehusband

  • Site: www.ATerribleHusband.com

  • Book: www.ATerribleHusband.com/Amazon

  • Podcast: www.ATerribleHusband.com/iTunes, www.ATerribleHusband.com/Stitcher, or www.ATerribleHusband.com/PodcastPlayer

Books Mentioned In This Episode

perfect-supplements-banner3.png Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

sports performance anxiety

4 Fundamental Strategies to Alleviate Sports Performance Anxiety – GDP014

“4 Fundamental Strategies to Alleviate Sports Performance Anxiety in Our Kids” Episode Overview:

Larry Hagner and Shawn Stevenson talk about 4 fundamental strategies to help our kids get the most out of sporting events. At times, it can be challenging as parents to know exactly how to help bring the best out in our child when they are competing. Shawn and Larry not only offer four strategies to help Dads, but also share some of their own stories and experiences.

Key Take-Aways

  • Focus on progress and not necessarily the results

  • Be extremely mindful of your words when giving feedback about sports performance

  • When it comes to sports performance expectations, don’t set the bar too high

  • Ways to talk to our kids after a sporting event

Progress vs. Results

At times, we can be so focused on the ultimate result of winning vs. the level of improvement. When it comes to sports performance anxiety, we can help alleviate stress by giving our kids techniques to improve it.

For example, instead of telling our kids to “hit the baseball”, we can help them work on their stance or the speed of their swing. Giving kids these small steps for improvement will vastly improve their enjoyment of competing in sports. After all, it’s not whether our kids win or lose. The main objective is to ensure our kids enjoy themselves and learn to improve.

Be Mindful of Your Word Choice When Giving Feedback

Kids hang on every word we say when it comes to critical feedback. Some of the word choices we use sound extremely positive and supportive from our point of view. However, they can have the opposite effect on our kids. As a result, our word choice and feedback can actually increase sports performance anxiety.

For example, the statement “Let’s make sure we go 3 for 3 today!” can sound uplifting to us. However, for some kids, this can create a great deal of pressure and anxiety. Keep in mind, pressure and anxiety at a young age can be the opposite of fun.

Setting the Bar Too High

Youth athletics is meant to be fun and competitive. For the most part, there is a very small percentage of kids who will go on to the professional level. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of expecting our kids to perform at the top level each and every time. Just like us, they will have bad days. Even the best youth athletes (and professionals, for that matter) have bad performances from time to time. The main focus of each and every event is simply to ensure your little athlete tried their very best and enjoyed themselves.

Conversation in the Car Ride Home Will Be Forever Remembered

For the past two years, I have had the privilege of hosting “Dad Workshops” to help other dads be their best. I have had several conversations with other dads who talk about memories of “the dreaded ride home after a game.” In other words, if the performance was not ideal, the conversation was not a good one. Moreover, the conversation would forever become a memory that was less than optimal.

The car ride home is a perfect opportunity to mention all the positive things you noticed about the game regardless if the performance was good or bad. Asking questions like:

  • What was your favorite part of the game?

  • What position did you enjoy playing the most?

  • What part was the most fun?

Questions like these bring our kids into a positive conversation about the highlights of the game. Ultimately, it will help alleviate sports performance anxiety and bring the fun back into sports performance.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Books Mentioned In This Episode

perfect-supplements-banner3.png Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

How to Improve Patience Drastically Even on Your Worst Day – GDP013

“How to Improve Patience Drastically Even on Your Worst Day” Episode Overview

I have had the privilege of working with hundreds of Dads over the past 2 years since I have started The GDP. Specifically, I have done several “Dad Workshops” over the past two years.  The Dad Workshops are all about implementing 5 strategies in our lives to help us enjoy the journey of fatherhood. There is always one really important trait that almost all men wish they had more of: ”patience.”

Key Take-Aways

In this episode, Shawn and I go over:

  • Internal and External Factors that can have a devastating effect on our level of patience

  • How to recognize our queues during the day where we have the least amount of patience

  • Ultimately, strategies that will improve patience no matter what challenge you face

How to Improve Patience by Recognizing External and Internal Challenges

External factors are literally anything and everything that happen outside our own minds. Meaning, there are several challenges that anyone of us can face on a daily basis that are outside of our control that can wreak havoc on our level of patience. These external factors can be: disciplinary stress/challenges with our kids, unsatisfactory job, challenges with our marriages/relationships, etc.

Internal factors have everything to do with how we respond to those challenges. Meaning, internal factors are the voices inside our head that love to mess with us. For example, it’s the voice that asks:

  • “Why can’t I handle this?”

  • “Shouldn’t I be stronger than this?”

  • “I must be a terrible father if I can’t better than this.”

We have all been there and it can be such a challenge.  However, there are strategies to improve patience in any given situation.

Strategy #1: How to Improve Patience by Knowing Your Triggers

For the most part, Dads have 2 times of the day when our patience can be the lowest. Morning can be a tough time of day because we usually go straight from a peaceful slumber and dive right into the challenges of the day. Time and time again, we have heard people say, “I’m just not a morning person.” For folks like that, this usually means the patience level is a bit thin when they first rise.

Solution: Believe it or not, if you are not a morning person, the best way to get your day started on a positive note is to rise 30-60 minutes early. Reason being, you should get up and do something positive just for yourself to get your mind in the right place. For some, going to the gym and exercising is just what we need. For others, it can be reading, praying, or simply watching 30 minutes of SportsCenter. The point is this, it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it is something you enjoy and it is positive. Studies have statistically proved that people who start their day earlier and do something they enjoy are 35% more productive.

The second time of day where Dads usually have minimal patience is right after work. Going right from “Working Dad” to “Family Dad” without some mental prep before walking in the front door can definitely be a challenge. Reason being, as men, we are out solving the problems of the world and that can be stressful! Going right from a stressful day at the office right to the chaos of the home front can be a bit daunting from time to time.

Solution: Just as you need to mentally prep for any big meeting or presentation, you have to sometimes mentally prep to be your best when you put your “Family Dad” hat on.  Prayer, positive audiobooks, and inspirational podcasts can definitely help get your mind and heart in the right state.

Strategy #2: How to Improve Patience by Doing Something You Love Every Day

Having a positive outlet is absolutely critical if we want to be our best. For some, a positive outlet means something physical like exercise, running, or going for a walk. For others, it is something that improves mental clarity and focus like meditation, prayer, or reading. The strategy is to ensure we do something on a daily basis for no less than 30 minutes that is a healthy outlet. Having a healthy daily outlet can drastically improve patience and help us live more fulfilled lives.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

perfect-supplements-banner3.png Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

Hal Elrod, being a good dad, the morning miracle

Being a Good Dad with “The Miracle Morning” – GDP012

“Being a Good Dad with ‘The Miracle Morning’” Episode Overview

Larry and Shawn interview Hal Elrod. Hal is one the world’s most popular and sought after success coaches. Hal goes in depth of how he uses “The Miracle Morning” strategies to be a more purposeful father.

Key Take-Aways

  • How dads can utilize “The Morning Miracle” to improve their lives
  • Learn about the “5 Minute Rule” and how it can improve your mentality and positivity
  • Learn about 6 powerful development characteristics (S.A.V.E.R.S.) that will help enrich a balanced and fulfilled life

 

Guest: Hal Elrod

Hal Elrod, being a good dad, the miracle morning

Hal Elrod is a best selling author, international keynote speaker, ultra-marathon runner, one of the most sought after success coaches in the world, and a father. He currently teaches people how to get the most out of life by using a strategy called “The Miracle Morning”.

Early in life, Hal learned that if you want something, you have to earn it. It’s a lesson he instills in his own children. He also learned that you can get paid doing something that you love. Although a self-described “non high-level achiever” in academics and athletics compared to Hal’s peers growing up, he found within himself the power to say, “Why not me? Why can’t I do that?” — and so, he broke a company all-time sales record held for 50 years for the western division of its national region, during his first 10 days working with a mentor. Breaking record after record, Hal started being recruited to speak at events at company where he worked and at others. Then, Hal began his career as a motivational speaker and his other endeavors followed.

What’s Your Wheelchair?

Hal was traveling back from a speaking engagement where he received a standing ovation, and he went from feeling on top of the world to feeling like the world was ending. Listen to the podcast as Hal shares his story of surviving a near-fatal car crash, in which he lost so much blood that he was clinically dead for 5-6 minutes.

Now that Hal is a dad himself, he has come to understand a part of his own story that he didn’t come to realize before: the unimaginable pain and emotions his own parents went through with his accident and recovery. After coming out of a coma 6 days later, doctors told Hal that he would never walk again. While his parents were distraught, Hal wasn’t. He told his parents that if the doctors were right, then he would be the happiest, most grateful person in a wheelchair. Because you can either be miserable in the wheelchair or not be miserable. Either way, you’re still going to be in a wheelchair.

What’s your circumstance in your current state or past that is out of your control? Or, maybe you can control the circumstance, but it’s going to a lot of time to turn it around? What’s your wheelchair: What is the circumstance that you’re letting hold you back from true happiness, fulfillment, success, everything that you want? Because you can choose to be the happiest, most grateful, most productive person even in the midst of the most difficult time in your life.

“The Miracle Morning”

Listen to the podcast to hear why and how Hal created “The Miracle Morning” for himself.

These are things Hal does for his “Miracle Morning”:

  • He wakes up a couple hours early — first thing in the morning when his brain is fresh mentally and emotionally, a clean slate. The time enables him to tackle his biggest ambitions, goals, dreams, and highest priorities in his life and/or business before his kids wake up.
  • He exercises every morning to put himself in a peak physical, mental, and emotional state.
  • He listens to an audiobook that challenges him to be a better person (business, personal growth, improving relationships, etc.).
  • The combination of listening to something extremely positive while putting yourself in a peak physical state is critical.
  • Then, applying what you have learned into your daily life every day.

This quote turned Hal’s life around:

“Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development because success is something you attract by something you become.” – Jim Rohn

If you want Level 10 success in life, then you have to assess where you are at in your personal development in all areas of your life. Hal defines “personal development” as “you as a person, who you are”: your knowledge, confidence, skills, energy, enthusiasm — literally, every component of you who are, that’s your personal development.

For example: If your level of knowledge of being a dad is at a Level 2, you’re wondering why you’re being not being a good dad, and you want to be at Level 10, then you have to grow yourself as a person. Make being a better dad a personal daily study to improve your knowledge and skills of how to be better dad. It’s not about what you are doing, but who you are becoming and aspire to become. Yet ironically, it’s what we’re doing that’s determining who we are becoming.

The 5 Minute Rule

Hal learned about The 5 Minute Rule through his mentor and now friend during his sales training class. He explains how dads can get out of their own heads and into positivity by using it.

Hal’s mentor/friend explained The 5 Minute Rule to him like this:

1. You’re going to go out there and experience failure, rejection, and all that you encounter in sales — and in life, period. You’re going to encounter a lot of this, and it’s OK to be negative sometimes.
2. Don’t bottle feelings up; don’t shove them down. Don’t pretend that your feelings are not there and try to avoid them. Feel them, but set the timer on your phone to 5 minutes to moan, complain, vent, feel sorry for yourself, cry, etc.
3. After 5 minutes, you have to realize that there’s no value in dwelling on something that’s out of your control. You can’t go back in time and change it, so there’s no value in feeling bad wishing that you could.

Hal shares these insights about The 5 Minute Rule to help shift your mindset and perspective:

  • To the degree that you wish something didn’t happen to you, it’s a resistance to that reality.
  • To the degree that you resist your reality, it’s the degree that you will create emotional pain for yourself.
  • Emotional pain has little to nothing going on around you, and it has everything to do with what’s going on inside of you.
  • Realize what you can and cannot change.
  • Accept the things you cannot change and don’t focus on them. There is no point, no value, in focusing on things you cannot change.
  • As you practice The 5 Minute Rule more and more, you’ll realize that it will be become easier for you to typically take less than 5 minutes to do. You’ll notice that the 5-minute timeframe needed to be negative and express your feelings will begin shrink into less time, in general.
  • Eventually, The 5 Minute Rule will evolve for you. You’ll begin to understand that every negative emotion that you feel is self-created, and you can choose to not self-create negative emotion.
  • Accept life before it happens.

 

Life S.A.V.E.R.S.

6 Most Powerful Developmental Practices – Life S.A.V.E.R.S.:

1. Silence:  Meditation/Prayer or both.
2. Affirmations: Written statements of what you want, why you want them, and how you will achieve them with clarity. (Hal’s favorite part of S.A.V.E.R.S.) For Hal, it’s not about lying to yourself of tricking yourself. It’s about programming your subconscious with a clear vision and clarity over what you’ve got to commit to do in order to ensure achievement and going in the direction you want to go.
3. Visualization: Not just visualizing the end result, but also taking action.
4. Exercise: Benefits of exercise puts you in a peak physical, mental, and emotional state to “win” your day, especially in the morning.
5. Reading: Read self development books every day. Hal says this is one of the fastest ways to become the person you want to be in every area of your life.
6. Scribing: 5 minute journal — in other words, write for 5 minutes. Gratitude journals are a great way to record, reflect, and remember the positive things and people in your life. Hal uses an app called “5 Minute Journal”, making morning and evening entries. You can also buy a physical journal or notebook, which gives the added neurological benefits from physically going through the motions of writing.

In the end, if you want to be a great parent, simply strive to become a great person. Become a Level 10 human being.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Links Mentioned In This Episode

 

Books Mentioned In This Episode

perfect-supplements-banner3.png Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!