Podcast Episodes

no more mr. nice guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why are we not getting our needs met when we seem to be going out of our way for everyone? Dr. Robert Glover talks to us today about Nice Guy Syndrome and why it’s actually not so nice for you and for those around you. This show will change everything you thought you knew about being Mr. Nice Guy.

Dr. Robert Glover

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.

Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.

Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.

As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Dr. Glover started discovering the dynamic of Nice Guy Syndrome in his thirties. He was in an unhappy marriage and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He was doing everything to try to make his wife happy and avoid conflict. Somehow, no matter what he did it was never good enough. She was moody and had lost all interest in sex. Dr. Glover was bewildered why being a nice guy wasn’t working.

The problem was that being a nice guy on the outside made him hold in his frustrations. He became resentful and passive aggressive. His wife actually told him she’d rather be with an outright asshole than to be with him. He wanted to stay married so he went to support groups and therapy and began to understand what had happened to him.

A key piece to the development of Dr. Glover’s Nice Guy Syndrome was his childhood. He and his father were close and spent lots of time together, but there was one problem–his father was extremely moody. He would get angry for no reason and stay that way for weeks. Dr. Glover was determined not to be like his dad. He wanted to be different from all the jerks that women complained about. He would be the nice guy and women would desire him because of that.

Core of Nice Guy Syndrome

Nice guys live by three covert contracts. The problem is, no one knows they are operating by these unspoken rules.

  1. If I’m a good guy, I will be liked and loved (and women will desire me).
  2. If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  3. If I do everything right, I’ll have a smooth problem free life.

When nice guys don’t get the results they hoped for, they don’t give up. They tend to double-down and try harder. That’s when they need to look outside for help.

Some Nice Guy Traits

  • seek the approval of others.
  • hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
  • put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
  • sacrifice their personal power and play the role of a victim.
  • tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.

How to Reclaim Your Personal Power

  1. Don’t try to do it alone.
  2. Don’t try to do it with your intimate partner.
  3. Find a safe person or safe place (friend, therapist, coach, mentor, support group).
  4. Practice telling things you’ve hidden.
  5. Keep connected with a tribe.

 


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Dr. Robert Glover’s Links

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#doepicshit

#DoEpicShit – Sharing Amazing Experiences with Your Kids

In this week’s Thursday Throwdown, I’m following up on my show Why It’s Time to Do Epic Shit TODAY. I got a great response from that episode. Listeners have been posting pictures of the epic things they are doing with their kids and tagging it with #DoEpicShit.

Sharing amazing experiences with our family doesn’t have to be complicated. Hikes, camping in the back yard, getting pedicures with daughters–we just need to step out of the normal routine and connect to make a lasting memory.

Today I talk about an epic experience I shared with my two older sons and how I marked that experience by writing them a letter about it and reading it to them.

Letter to my boys in the mountains.

Mentioned Episode: Why It’s Time to Do Epic Shit TODAY


Looking to join a tribe of likeminded men who want to live their lives on purpose? Check out The Dad Edge Alliance.

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GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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How to Tap Into Your PEAK Performance

How to Tap into Your PEAK Performance with Mike Flynn

Mike Flynn is the host of the Impact Entrepreneur podcast and is here to tell us how to tap into peak performance on a daily basis by using the P.E.A.K. system. He also answers some heavy questions from Dad Edge Alliance members. Get ready to achieve your desired reality!

Mike Flynn’s Story

Mike believes that everything great is born from a place of adversity or pain, and this is where his story begins. Although he swore he would never join the family business as a financial advisor, he did anyway and suffered through the financial crisis.

He was under tremendous stress and gained weight till he was up to 250 pounds. He knew he had to do something to change, and he thought it was his job. He was involved with a mastermind group of other finance professionals at that time, and went there to tell them that he was done with the industry and leaving.

Luckily, that day there was a speaker who asked him a simple yet profound question–what was his “one thing?” He had been pursuing material wealth and prestige, but he knew right away that his “one thing” was his family. He had been chasing the wrong things in life all along. Once he defined his family as his purpose, everything else fell into place.

Over the past few years Mike Flynn has recognized that…

The greatest crisis Americans face today is not a financial one, but a lack of purpose.

This is where the idea for the Impact Entrepreneur podcast came from.

The P.E.A.K. System

Mike Flynn says that performance is a journey, not a result. People are always waiting for a trigger. They are waiting for the conditions to be right to pursue their dreams. The P.E.A.K. system puts people in the optimal mindset and environment for high performance.

POSITION

Ask yourself, what role do I play in other people’s stories? The number one reason relationships fail is because you’ve taken the wrong role. You’ve tried to be the hero of someone else’s story.

Start where you’re at. Analyze, what your current reality is. Single out five beliefs that are keeping you stuck in your current reality. Then, think about your desired reality. List the five new beliefs you need to adopt to get there. Next, list five people who you believe are already living your desired reality. Write down how you know them and how you will contact them. Watch them. Learn from them. This will get you started in making sure you are in the right position for success.

ENGAGEMENT

Ask yourself, what has my attention? Today, a multitude of things are stealing our attention. We are suddenly held captive by the urgent but unimportant things. Notifications, emails, work distractions. These will not help the ability to succeed. We constantly respond to other people’s thoughts and needs while ignoring our own. We are not engaged or focused in our activities.

How do we engage?

  1. Visualization – Visualize your next challenge. Include adversity in visualization. See things go wrong and how you deal with it.
  2. Presence – Once you’ve visualized the scenario, be present in the real moment. Since you did the work up front, you can take your three speeds of thought (awareness, attention, mood) and laser focus it onto the task at hand.
  3. Reflection – Take 15 to 30 minutes to analyze everything that happened. What went right? What went wrong?

ACTION

Ask yourself, what’s at stake if I don’t take action? People usually focus on results and often stop before they start. Mike says we must take small urgent steps without focusing on the outcome. The small steps make breakthroughs that give access to the big steps.

Too many people are focused on having something instead of becoming something. 

KINETIC

Ask yourself, what could my reality be if I involved other people? Now you’re properly positioned. You’re being engaged and focused. You’ve begun taking action. Think of a lone violinist. The music is incredibly beautiful by itself, but once you add other instruments it becomes a symphony. Amazing things happen between the musicians as they collaborate. There is also a reciprocal feedback being exchanged between the audience and the musicians that makes the experience grow that much more. This is what happens when you surround yourself with the right people and create positive reactions.

Special Gift from Mike Flynn

Get Mike’s free Clarity of Purpose Scorecard. CLICK HERE.

 

 

Mentioned Episode:  The Relentless Pursuit of Greatness with former NFL Pro Thomas Williams


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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Mike Flynn’s Links

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Facebook

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Instagram

 


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Show Your Kids What it Means to Be a Leader

4 Ways to Show Your Kids What It Means to Be a Leader

We talked about how fatherhood is leadership in the last episode of GDP. We also want to instill these leadership skills in our children. Telling them how to be leaders is not nearly as effective as leading by example. Today we’re going to outline four ways to show your kids what it means to be a leader.

  1. Kids will learn how or treat other people through what they see from us. We need to be mindful of how we interact with others every day.
  2. A leader will never oppress, suppress, or depress the potential talents in a child’s life. Never tell them their dreams are out of their reach.
  3. Create an environment for growth where they can make mistakes and they’ll be okay. Disappointments and failures are a part of life, and learning to use them as tools to grow will develop resiliency.
  4. Lead through vulnerability. Sometimes we don’t have all the skills and we need to show our kids that’s okay. When we don’t have all the answers, we are willing to learn.

 


We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.


Looking to join a tribe of likeminded men who want to live their lives on purpose? Check out The Dad Edge Alliance.

Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Fatherhood is Leadership

How Fatherhood is Leadership with TEDx Speaker Devon Bandison

We had high performance coach and TEDx speaker Devon Bandison on the show way back in the beginning of GDP. Almost 100 episodes later, Devon is back to explain how fatherhood is leadership on so many levels – in our homes and in our communities. He also talks about how to live life to the fullest without burning out and how to control our thoughts so we can control the emotions that are holding us back. This interview is full of heavy-hitting wisdom. Make sure you take notes!

Devon Bandison

Devon Bandison was born and raised in New York City. He grew up with addiction in his home. One day when he came home, his dad had turned their home into a drug house. He felt guilt and shame. He vowed that when he became a dad, whenever that would be, he would become a better father.

That day soon came when he was twenty-three years old and his daughter was born. He was determined and he was present as a new dad, but he had no clue as to what he was doing. His father didn’t give him the tools or the skillsets for life. But he grew up in the unhealthy belief that men don’t tell men when they need help.

Eventually, Devon began working in the trenches of New York in the Bronx with troubled youth. He helped create programs for new dads that showed them how to navigate everything from diaper changing to communication.

Fathers are showing up more today, and are more intimate with their children than any other time in history.

Devon’s Turning Point

After his third kid was born and during a difficult divorce, Devon took a promotion that made him miserable. He was in a scarcity mindset and thought his wife would take everything. He feared he would end up broke and stuck at a job he hated.

It was this turning point that sent him seeking more. He attended a training seminar where the speaker noticed something special about Devon and offered him a free ticket to a retreat in California. Devon made excuses to himself of why he couldn’t go, but he also knew that if he didn’t take the opportunity, he would regret if for the rest of his life.

There, his mentor told him to build his business around his passion. That’s when Devon took his passion for fatherhood and leadership and created the speaking event that would quickly catapult him into his dream life.

Fatherhood is Leadership

In Devon’s coaching career, he managed lots of men who had every definition of outward success. These same men were also silently suffering inside. They had no fulfillment in their everyday life. They had no true connection to their kids, their wife, or their community.

Most dads burn the candle at both ends and end up breaking down their relationships. Their cup is empty. They become stressed, angry, and frustrated, behaving in ways they don’t want to. They feel like they never had time for anything.

Devon knew that there was a big difference between time management and people pleasing. Most of us say yes to things we really don’t want to do. In doing that, we are saying no to the things that are important to us and die a little inside every time we do it.

This inspired Devon to write a book about how a man can become the best version of himself. He wanted to give fathers the tools they needed to live a life beyond their wildest dreams. He wanted to show them that the more you pour into yourself, the better father you will be. Only by investing in yourself can you be an effective agent of change in the world.

Mentioned Episode: The Art of Charm and Professional Relationships with Jordan Harbinger


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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Devon’s Links:

Website:  devonbandison.com

Facebook Page

Twitter

Devon’s TEDx Talk “Fatherhood is Leadership”


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

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