If you are here, it most likely means you are a MARRIED DAD. There is a perception out there in today’s society that if you are a MARRIED DAD with a traditional family, there must not be any challenges or obstacles. That is simply not the case. If you are a married Dad, it means you most likely view yourself as the strength and rock of your family. It means you most likely quietly stress about the things that your wife and kids do not know about. It means you most likely work extremely hard at work because you know that life is not all about you…it’s about those amazing people around you. It also means at times you have to figure out how to juggle work time, kid time, quality time with your spouse, and perhaps a little bit of time for yourself somehow. Being in this situation, means you are pulled in several different directions. This page is dedicated especially for you. You will find valuable tips and tricks that will make your journey more enjoyable.

no more mr. nice guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why are we not getting our needs met when we seem to be going out of our way for everyone? Dr. Robert Glover talks to us today about Nice Guy Syndrome and why it’s actually not so nice for you and for those around you. This show will change everything you thought you knew about being Mr. Nice Guy.

Dr. Robert Glover

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.

Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.

Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.

As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Dr. Glover started discovering the dynamic of Nice Guy Syndrome in his thirties. He was in an unhappy marriage and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He was doing everything to try to make his wife happy and avoid conflict. Somehow, no matter what he did it was never good enough. She was moody and had lost all interest in sex. Dr. Glover was bewildered why being a nice guy wasn’t working.

The problem was that being a nice guy on the outside made him hold in his frustrations. He became resentful and passive aggressive. His wife actually told him she’d rather be with an outright asshole than to be with him. He wanted to stay married so he went to support groups and therapy and began to understand what had happened to him.

A key piece to the development of Dr. Glover’s Nice Guy Syndrome was his childhood. He and his father were close and spent lots of time together, but there was one problem–his father was extremely moody. He would get angry for no reason and stay that way for weeks. Dr. Glover was determined not to be like his dad. He wanted to be different from all the jerks that women complained about. He would be the nice guy and women would desire him because of that.

Core of Nice Guy Syndrome

Nice guys live by three covert contracts. The problem is, no one knows they are operating by these unspoken rules.

  1. If I’m a good guy, I will be liked and loved (and women will desire me).
  2. If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  3. If I do everything right, I’ll have a smooth problem free life.

When nice guys don’t get the results they hoped for, they don’t give up. They tend to double-down and try harder. That’s when they need to look outside for help.

Some Nice Guy Traits

  • seek the approval of others.
  • hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
  • put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
  • sacrifice their personal power and play the role of a victim.
  • tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.

How to Reclaim Your Personal Power

  1. Don’t try to do it alone.
  2. Don’t try to do it with your intimate partner.
  3. Find a safe person or safe place (friend, therapist, coach, mentor, support group).
  4. Practice talking about things you’ve hidden about yourself.
  5. Keep connected with a tribe.

 


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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Dr. Robert Glover’s Links

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Healthy Arguments

How to Have Healthy Arguments Even in Front of the Kids

On this week’s Thursday Throwdown, we’re following up on our last episode with Peter Sacco about how to argue with your spouse. We will all have disagreements with our partner every now and then. This is normal and couples who don’t bring up difficult subjects are in danger of letting issues go unresolved or allowing resentment build until it explodes. Here are 4 tips to have a healthy argument with your partner while setting an example for your kids about how to resolve disagreements without anger.

  1. Don’t raise your voices or yell at each other. Keep your tone even and controlled.
  2. Do not call each other names. You are the grown-ups.
  3. If the argument is not going anywhere, walk away. Some times one or both of you need space to calm down or think. Take a time out and come back to the discussion later.
  4. Be mindful of your behavior. You’re setting an example for your kids. What do you want them to see?

Mentioned Episode: How to Argue with Your Spouse with Peter Sacco

 

 


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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

How to Argue with Your Spouse with Peter Sacco

Most of us men have a tendency to accumulate build-up of anger and emotions. It’s easy for us to lose our temper and let a discussion turn into an argument. When we are angry, we can’t think logically. This is when we’re endanger of saying things or behaving in ways we regret towards our partner. Today, Peter Sacco is back on the show to tell you how to argue with your spouse without drama, anger, and resentment.

The most common problems with anger and fighting

It may sound cliche, but most anger problems arise from lack of communication, or poor quality communication. When a couple first meets, the guy tends to be the pursuer, and will tell the woman everything and anything to get her attention. A new couple can’t make enough time to spend together and they talk about everything.

Months, years, decades later, the conversation becomes mundane and repetitive. They think they have nothing to learn about each other anymore. They stop asking questions. It’s not just communication, it’s the quality of it. Simply put, anger and fighting result from procrastination, laziness, redundancy, complacency. It’s important to have the skills to bring up difficult subjects before they fester and blow up or silently destroy the relationship.

Getting out of the rut

How can we be more comfortable with being proactive and less complacent when it comes to things that are hard for us to talk about? At the beginning, when we’re intimate with somebody, we maintain boundaries. We hide a lot. As the relationship progresses, we start to release more and more stuff. We may not have farted or swore in front of our spouse at first, then we gradually let it go. We stretch those boundaries, and a couple must be willing to accept new things learned about each other and adapt.

Part of love is unconditional. People change and evolve. One partner may have grown, while the other one has remained the same. Two people have to refind each other.

How to argue without anger

What are the rules and boundaries for a disagreement between a couple? First of all, don’t have a meaningful or deep discussion if you’re angry. It won’t go anywhere or make it worse. Go away and cool off before talking about what’s upsetting you.

Power plays that will kill your communication, and ultimately, your marriage.

There are two ways couples use to overpower or manipulate each other.

Gunny sacking – Gunny sacking is the storing up of grievances and using them at a later date to try to get even. It’s a passive aggressive type of anger, and a way of reaching in and tearing out someone’s heart strings. Rather than address it rationally when you not so angry, you waiting for it to let it go, like a bomb.

Belt lining–  Belt lining is trying to gain power over the argument by being louder or physically intimidating. This can be done by raising the voice, screaming, yelling, or pounding fists. On the other end of the spectrum, crying or threatening self-harm can be used to manipulate the other person.

How to Walk Away from the Anger

How do we walk away saying, “I’m not going to talk about this right now,” without pissing someone off? You have to assume responsibility for your thoughts feelings and reactions. You can’t control how the other person is going to react. But you can be more detrimental by walking away. If someone storms off without a word, they are shutting down the argument and assuming control. This might leave the other person more hurt and angry.

Peter Sacco says that if you feel the anger welling up, say something like, “Right now I’m angry and I’m not thinking straight. I may say things I don’t mean, and you deserve better. I’m just going to go away and cool off.” In this way, you’ve assumed responsibility for your feelings, you’ve said it with integrity and dignity, and that’s the best you can do. Most people will say thank you in this case, and you’ll avoid a destructive blowout.

Low-blows 

What about couples who have a long history of name-calling or hitting below the belt? In a perfect world, both individuals would agree to fix the problem and get counseling. They would make sure they did not fight in front of the kids.

What do you do when you’re being verbally abused by your spouse? Look at the person who is calling you names. Turn it around and say, Thank you. That’s different. Are you talking dirty to me? Are you flirting? The person is going to be thrown from their axis. Their conditioned response will not be able to happen. They have to rethink what they’re saying. You shut down triggers for both of you.

Are Couples Supposed to Communicate Everything?

Two people who’ve been together for a long time will inevitably get on each other’s nerves. Are we really supposed to confront our partner about all the little things that drive us crazy?

Peter Sacco says that before broaching any touchy subject, take your emotions into account. Ask yourself, am I in a good place to have this discussion? Can my partner handle this right now? Don’t bring up a difficult conversation this before bed when you’re both tired. Don’t try it first thing in the morning before work. It could derail the whole day. Timing is everything.

Doomed Relationships

Are there relationships and marriages that are beyond help?  Peter Sacco says that if both people in the relationship are in denial that there is a problem and think there isn’t anything to be fixed, they are in trouble. Also, some couples have given up on trying. They are too set in their ways, and just do not care. However, he also says, that even if just one person in a couple wants it to work, there is hope. He or she might initiate a change in the other person.

Peter Sacco’s Special Offers

Anger Management, Bad Habits, and Addiction

Grab Peter Sacco’s Critically Acclaimed Anger Management Book
Plus 2 Other Books For Just $1. CLICK HERE.

Anti-bullying

Download Peter Sacco’s FREE Anti-Bullying Books! CLICK HERE.

Related episodes:

Uncovering the Truth About Anger with Peter Sacco

5 Ways to Prevent Angry Outbursts


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Peter Sacco’s Links

PeterSacco.com

BullyingisfortheBirds.com

Twitter

Facebook


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join The Dad Edge Alliance

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talk about lack of sex

How to Talk About Lack of Sex with Your Spouse

In this week’s Thursday Throwdown, I follow up on Nell Gibbon Daly’s episode and give you the highlights of how to talk about lack of sex with your spouse.

Sex is a big deal in a relationship, but when two people are married for a long time it might rarely happen or even become nonexistent.

Men don’t want to bring up sex issues because they’re afraid it will start a fight. Women don’t say anything because they’re afraid they’ll hurt their partner’s ego, but not talking about it is the worst thing a couple can do.

The number one factor in a healthy sex-life is communication. In order to be able to talk about sex without hurting each other or fighting about it is to:

  1. Set your ego aside. Take your pride out of it and just listen.
  2. Be open to suggestions and solutions.
  3. Talks as friends. Don’t use a man vs. woman approach, but a friend to friend approach.

 

Referenced Episodes:

Level Up Your Life Through Ruthless Self Evaluation

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


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Links


 

better man

How Your Tribe Will Make You a Better Man with Ryan Michler

Ryan Michler is the creator of the Order of Man Community and Podcast, which teaches men how to live with purpose, achieve self-mastery, and create a legacy. Today he tells why it’s important for men to become part of a tribe and how that tribe will help you become a better man.

Ryan Michler and the Order of Man

Ryan Michler’s father left when he was three-years-old. His first step dad was an alcoholic, and though he wasn’t abusive, he was not present as a parent. His second stepfather was successful, but emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative. Still, Ryan didn’t didn’t know what a good dad was supposed to be, so he didn’t know what he was missing. It wasn’t until high school when he saw how his friends’ dads’ behaved that he became aware of the void in his life.

This lack of a father caused Ryan to suffer from a lack of confidence and self-esteem issues. He wanted to be liked and accepted by everyone and changed himself to fit in. After his first marriage failed, he endured the darkest time of his life. He knew he wasn’t operating like a man should. This convinced him to go to work on improving himself.

Now Ryan Michler has been married for twelve years and is a father of four kids. As a dad who grew up without a true father figure, he saw a huge need for learning about what it means to be a man. He started Order of Man to form a tribe of men who can learn from each other and support one another.

Why do men need a tribe?

Women are there for us in a nurturing way, but sometimes we tough love and the insights of other men who have gone what we’ve gone through. Men get emotionally attached to their situations and decisions, it’s difficult to look at our own problems objectively. We need a third-party perspective to give us advice when our thoughts and feelings are clouding our judgement.

How does a tribe work?

Men are raised to be self-reliant and wary of people. We hate to expose our weaknesses or admit when we’re not on top of everything. A tribe is a safe place to share fears and worries about subjects we don’t normally talk about. When we’re going through a time of uncertainty and weakness, we can turn to those with the qualities we’re lacking and learn from them. When we’re feeling strong in life, we can help others by sharing how we’ve overcome a similar experience.

How do we find a tribe?

Operating in packs is how men thrive. To be strong, we need to tie into other people, but it’s up to us to seek out a tribe and be consistent. Ryan suggest dipping your toe in the water. Look at your immediate circle. Who is doing well in areas you’re struggling with? Ask for advice where you see strength in others. Share something light and then build on that. You can also start by joining an online tribe like Order of Man and The Good Dad Project.

Ryan Michler’s Parting Piece of Dad Wisdom

Don’t ever use your kids and family as an excuse not to take care of yourself.

This sounds selfish at first, but it’s actually the most unselfish thing you can do. If you’re constantly draining yourself, you won’t have the mental or physical energy to be a good dad or husband. Begin burned out all the time will build resentment and put a strain on your marriage.

Ryan recommends carving out a time to get together with other men doings something you enjoy. Schedule it in advance. Communicate it to your wife and family so they are in on it you won’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. He also says it won’t work if you just go through the motions. Give your attention fully to the activity so you’re invigorated and mentally restored when you come home. Then you’ll have refilled your tank so you can serve others again.


RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Ryan Michler

Website:

orderofman.com

Podcast:

Order of Man

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