relentless pursuit of greatness Thomas Williams

The Relentless Pursuit of Greatness with former NFL Pro Thomas Williams

Today we have a treat for you. We’re interviewing former pro football player Thomas Williams who’s played for the Jaguars, the Seahawks, the Patriots, the Bills, and the Panthers. Listen as he takes us from overcoming his troubled childhood, to achieving his NFL dream, to using a career-ending injury as the jump-off point to the relentless pursuit of greatness.

Thomas Williams

Thomas struggled through a childhood of adversity. He was born to a white mother and a black father who split up when he was little and moved to opposite sides of the country. Thomas lived in a small town called Vacaville, CA with his mother. As a child he had a build up of anger and, being biracial he struggled with identity issues. He got into fights with other kids and was always getting into trouble at school.

What Thomas remembers most was thinking, why isn’t my dad here? He felt alone, hurt, and angry. He saw all the other kids with their dads and felt resentful. He took his frustration out on his teachers and schoolmates.

At the end of first grade, he got suspended. His mom said she  couldn’t take it anymore. Thomas still regrets what he said to her that day. He told her he didn’t love her and that he wanted to go live with his dad.

Thomas got what he wished for and went to live with his dad for a whole year. He expected to do all the father/son stuff–going to games, playing catch, and spending time together. The reality was altogether different. His dad was still in the military and spent little time at home. On most days, Thomas had to let himself in the house after school and cook and clean for himself. He was also exposed to alcohol abuse, gambling, and fornication at an extremely young age. His dad’s idea of fatherly instruction was to sit down with Thomas when he was in 2nd grade and watch Boyz n the Hood. The portrayal of the father and son in the movie was his indirect message to Thomas of what he expected their relationship to be like.

Thomas asked to move back to live with his mother by his 3rd grade year. He was never so apologetic. However, after the experience of living with his father and being exposed to such an unhealthy adult way of life, he noticed he was much more mature than his peers. He felt isolated and started getting into fights and into trouble again.

After he realized how truly frightened his mom was about his future, Thomas finally made the decision to change in the 6th grade and began a transformation into a more positive mindset. This allowed him to pursue his new dream, which was to be on a field with people filling the stadiums to see him play. His mom was doubtful that he could make it. Not many people succeed in professional sports, but he didn’t let her discourage him. He gave himself permission to dream, and he worked until that dream came true.

Football Career

Thomas gave everything he had to make it to pro football, but when asked what it was like to make it to the NFL he says:

It’s everything you can possibly imagine and less.

He found it unfulfilling compared to his expectations. He had the money and the status. He was living the dream, but like when he was able to move to his dad’s, the reality of the situation was entirely different. He had become a man by surmounting obstacles to reach his goals. Because of the determination and toughness he developed, he knew he couldn’t fail no matter the outcome. He realized that the journey was what was important, not the destination.

Don’t do things for the outcome. Do things because that’s who you are.

Thomas continued to push himself in his performance before suffering a severe neck injury that ended his football career for good. That night, he went to bed as a professional athlete, and the next morning, woke up as a former professional athlete. He was only 29 years old.

This didn’t stop him at all. Thomas knew he lived a hell of a life already, and he knew it was time to transform yet again. He wanted to share his story and show others that they can achieve their dreams no matter how big they are. It was this passion that gave him the platform to his purpose. Now he is a coach, a motivational speaker, and the author of two books.

Thomas Williams Dad Wisdom

Thomas isn’t a dad yet. He’s not even a husband yet, but he watches and learns from all those around him. He believes the most important thing to teach his future kids is that it’s okay to be themselves.

 

Did you catch all our episodes with the Navy SEALs? Click here.


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How to Live a Life That Counts

How to Live a Life that Counts with John Williams

John Williams is the founder of a non-profit organization called Life That Counts. Today on The Good Dad Project, he shares his story of childhood adversity and talks about how he is raising his two boys, how he keeps his marriage on point, and what amazing things he is doing in the world.

 

John Williams

John Williams grew up in Alabama in a dysfunctional household. He never knew his father. He lived with his mom, his little brother, and his cousin. The man of the house was his tyrannical alcoholic uncle. Daily life was plagued by profanity and poverty. John Williams remembers that he always felt the huge void of his dad’s absence in his life.The man in their lives, his uncle, was not really a man. He never held down a job or kept a relationship. he was a terrorist in the home. There was no discipline, no encouragement, no one to witness his mistakes and to show him how to take ownership of them. He also felt for his mom, who had no one to share the burden of hard times with.

As John grew older, he experience frustration and rage. He watched himself do terrible things. He became violent in front of his mom. One time, he frightened her so badly that she took his little brother and fled the home.

He knew this wasn’t who he wanted to be, but he lived that way into his twenties. He was defensive and always fighting against the world. Eventually a mentor show up in his life who told him that he had to quit living for what he was against and figure out how to live for what he was for. Today he is determined to stop the echoes of his volatile childhood.

My wife is going to know her husband, and my kids are going to know their father.

On Marriage

John Williams and his wife just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary. She was his high school sweetheart, and the one thing they agreed on before they got married was to eliminate the ‘D’ word from their vocabulary. Divorce was not an option. They pledged themselves wholeheartedly to on another. They keep in mind that they are both human and are prone to screw up. John knows that he isn’t the same man he was ten years ago, or even a month or a day ago. He recognizes the change and growth in his wife as well. They give each other the latitude to grow, change, and adapt over time.

If you want a relationship like the one you had when you first fell in love, you have to do those things you did when you first fell in love.

Life That Counts

John Williams believes in consciously approaching life instead of reacting to our fight or flight instincts. Now he is helping his kids and children everywhere to develop decision-making skills that lead to healthy outcomes. John believes that higher expectations lead to increased performance. When more is expected of students from teachers and parents, they will go further. But he has noticed that when more is expected from students by their peers, the results can not only change their lives, but the culture of the entire school. Peer-to-peer mentoring removes the spotlight from kids’ negative behaviors and puts the focus on behavior that generates positive outcomes. That is why Life That Counts is offering this program to schools at no cost. John Williams wants to show kids how to be the hero of their own stories.

We have to remember that we hold influence and we do have sway, and whatever we want to do in life, we can.


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How to Argue with Your Spouse with Peter Sacco

Most of us men have a tendency to accumulate build-up of anger and emotions. It’s easy for us to lose our temper and let a discussion turn into an argument. When we are angry, we can’t think logically. This is when we’re endanger of saying things or behaving in ways we regret towards our partner. Today, Peter Sacco is back on the show to tell you how to argue with your spouse without drama, anger, and resentment.

The most common problems with anger and fighting

It may sound cliche, but most anger problems arise from lack of communication, or poor quality communication. When a couple first meets, the guy tends to be the pursuer, and will tell the woman everything and anything to get her attention. A new couple can’t make enough time to spend together and they talk about everything.

Months, years, decades later, the conversation becomes mundane and repetitive. They think they have nothing to learn about each other anymore. They stop asking questions. It’s not just communication, it’s the quality of it. Simply put, anger and fighting result from procrastination, laziness, redundancy, complacency. It’s important to have the skills to bring up difficult subjects before they fester and blow up or silently destroy the relationship.

Getting out of the rut

How can we be more comfortable with being proactive and less complacent when it comes to things that are hard for us to talk about? At the beginning, when we’re intimate with somebody, we maintain boundaries. We hide a lot. As the relationship progresses, we start to release more and more stuff. We may not have farted or swore in front of our spouse at first, then we gradually let it go. We stretch those boundaries, and a couple must be willing to accept new things learned about each other and adapt.

Part of love is unconditional. People change and evolve. One partner may have grown, while the other one has remained the same. Two people have to refind each other.

How to argue without anger

What are the rules and boundaries for a disagreement between a couple? First of all, don’t have a meaningful or deep discussion if you’re angry. It won’t go anywhere or make it worse. Go away and cool off before talking about what’s upsetting you.

Power plays that will kill your communication, and ultimately, your marriage.

There are two ways couples use to overpower or manipulate each other.

Gunny sacking – Gunny sacking is the storing up of grievances and using them at a later date to try to get even. It’s a passive aggressive type of anger, and a way of reaching in and tearing out someone’s heart strings. Rather than address it rationally when you not so angry, you waiting for it to let it go, like a bomb.

Belt lining–  Belt lining is trying to gain power over the argument by being louder or physically intimidating. This can be done by raising the voice, screaming, yelling, or pounding fists. On the other end of the spectrum, crying or threatening self-harm can be used to manipulate the other person.

How to Walk Away from the Anger

How do we walk away saying, “I’m not going to talk about this right now,” without pissing someone off? You have to assume responsibility for your thoughts feelings and reactions. You can’t control how the other person is going to react. But you can be more detrimental by walking away. If someone storms off without a word, they are shutting down the argument and assuming control. This might leave the other person more hurt and angry.

Peter Sacco says that if you feel the anger welling up, say something like, “Right now I’m angry and I’m not thinking straight. I may say things I don’t mean, and you deserve better. I’m just going to go away and cool off.” In this way, you’ve assumed responsibility for your feelings, you’ve said it with integrity and dignity, and that’s the best you can do. Most people will say thank you in this case, and you’ll avoid a destructive blowout.

Low-blows 

What about couples who have a long history of name-calling or hitting below the belt? In a perfect world, both individuals would agree to fix the problem and get counseling. They would make sure they did not fight in front of the kids.

What do you do when you’re being verbally abused by your spouse? Look at the person who is calling you names. Turn it around and say, Thank you. That’s different. Are you talking dirty to me? Are you flirting? The person is going to be thrown from their axis. Their conditioned response will not be able to happen. They have to rethink what they’re saying. You shut down triggers for both of you.

Are Couples Supposed to Communicate Everything?

Two people who’ve been together for a long time will inevitably get on each other’s nerves. Are we really supposed to confront our partner about all the little things that drive us crazy?

Peter Sacco says that before broaching any touchy subject, take your emotions into account. Ask yourself, am I in a good place to have this discussion? Can my partner handle this right now? Don’t bring up a difficult conversation this before bed when you’re both tired. Don’t try it first thing in the morning before work. It could derail the whole day. Timing is everything.

Doomed Relationships

Are there relationships and marriages that are beyond help?  Peter Sacco says that if both people in the relationship are in denial that there is a problem and think there isn’t anything to be fixed, they are in trouble. Also, some couples have given up on trying. They are too set in their ways, and just do not care. However, he also says, that even if just one person in a couple wants it to work, there is hope. He or she might initiate a change in the other person.

Peter Sacco’s Special Offers

Anger Management, Bad Habits, and Addiction

Grab Peter Sacco’s Critically Acclaimed Anger Management Book
Plus 2 Other Books For Just $1. CLICK HERE.

Anti-bullying

Download Peter Sacco’s FREE Anti-Bullying Books! CLICK HERE.

Related episodes:

Uncovering the Truth About Anger with Peter Sacco

5 Ways to Prevent Angry Outbursts


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relentless success

Relentless Success Through Triumph and Tragedy with Todd Stottlemyre

As you know, Todd Stottlemyre is a 3-time World Series MLB pitcher. You loved his last interview on The Good Dad Project. In this powerful episode, I sit with Todd face-to-face as he opens up about the most painful moment in his life, how he fought the enemy within himself, and what elements have helped him in his pursuit of relentless success.

Todd Stottlemyre

Todd Stottlemyre, author and speaker, has a passion for coaching how to win at the highest levels in business and personal life. Todd’s process demonstrates how lofty ambitions are achievable when you follow the sequential steps in his proven success system.

Todd is a former major league baseball pitcher where he played for 15 seasons and participated in three World Championships. He played for the Toronto Blue Jays, Oakland Athletics, St Louis Cardinals, Texas Rangers, and the Arizona Diamondbacks. Todd received the prestigious Branch Ricky Award and the Lou Gehrig Award. After his baseball career, Todd had a career in finance building an asset management business at a high-profile Wall Street firm. Todd lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his wife Erica and their five beautiful children.

The second you become prey to others’ opinions, your goals and dreams become the dreams of those people.

Todd spent his childhood going to Yankee Stadium with his dad, Mel Stottlemyre. He grew up amid other legendary baseball players and considers himself very lucky to have had such a wonderful experience. His father never pushed his brother and him to become baseball players. His parents wanted them to focus on doing whatever it was they enjoyed, but Todd wanted nothing more than to become a pitcher like his dad, and he did.

Despite having a childhood many boys would dream of, the family endured an unfathomable loss when Todd’s younger brother, Jason, was diagnosed with leukemia. Jason went through a few years of treatments and remission periods, but eventually the disease hit full-force and a bone marrow transplant was the only hope. Todd was the best match and went into surgery to have his marrow removed and given to his brother.

The transplant appeared to be a success. His brother was running around the hospital and the doctors were preparing for Jason to go home, but Todd would never get his little brother back. Two days before his release, Jason fell into a coma and died shortly afterward. Todd says that driving back home without his brother was the worst drive a person could ever make, and that beyond the sadness was hatred and guilt that his bone marrow was rejected by his brother’s body.

Todd says his brother was his greatest teacher because he never felt sorry for himself, he never quit. Todd decided he would never give up on anything and was determined to not let anything keep him from his dreams. This became his greatest driver in all his pursuits in live, but he did also have to get some help to move past his guilt and pain.

He taught me how to die.

Todd talks about the lives of all the others that poured into his – his dad, his mentors, and those who contributed to his success and helped him through his failures. His book, Relentless Success: 9-Point System for Major League Achievement is coming out on July 1st, 2017.

Listen to Todd’s first interview – Breaking the World of Impossible with Todd Stottlemyre


Get a free audio book and a one month trial by visiting audible.com/gooddad.


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financial problems

Transcending Financial Problems Once and for All with Damion Lupo

Is our money really safe in the stock market, IRAs and 401ks? Or is it best to diversify? What is it Wall street doesn’t want you to know when it comes to your money? Financial mentor Damion Lupo reveals the astonishing truth about how investment works to help us take total control of our money and transcend financial problems once and for all.

Most of us go on auto-pilot when it comes to our investments. We’re too busy. We don’t educate ourselves on all the financial products. Many of us put all our eggs in one basket because that’s we feel it’s the safest bet. Also, most of us are unaware that we are paying fees that will add up to hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years.

Damion Lupo

Raised in Alaska, Damion is part Alaskan, part Texan and 100% Reinvention. He’s a four-time college dropout who cut his teeth in the trenches of real life, becoming a self-made multimillionaire by age 25.

He’s the founder of Yokido, holds a black belt in Aikido, is a practitioner of yoga and a student of Reiki. He’s a lifelong student of Austrian economics and runs a precious metals company based in Austin, Texas.

Currently, Damion spends his time teaching and lecturing on the art of Reinvention with his unique teaching style focused on his personal life experiences and the process for developing consciousness and awareness to the truth.

Damion’s story

Throughout his life, Damion was always pushing the limits. His father tried to put structure in place, but Damion was always looking for the edge. His conservative dad believed in getting a degree and landing a government job and was scared when Damion left college to go out on his own in investing.

Damion experienced unbelievable success and devastating failure. He had millions in cash. Feeling invincible, he doubled down, found bigger deals, and got into debt. Instead of being patient, he stopped listening to other people. Within a year, he was bankrupted and his properties were in foreclosure. Things unraveled. He didn’t have the right people around him. He spiraled out of control and his health fell apart.

Damion remembers one of the last conversations he had with his father. With only a few weeks to live, his dad confessed to Damion that there were just so many things he wanted to do. In that moment, Damion realized that he was going about his life wrongly. He didn’t ever want to have the same regrets at the end of his life, and he didn’t want anyone else to either.

Making it Back from Failure

Damion says, when you’re accustomed to success, you have no failure to reference. Most men pretend everything is okay. Damion hid from the world and reality and it took a couple years for him to look at what was real. A lot of it was that he didn’t know what he was doing. Could he ever be successful again? Was it all luck? His confidence blew up. He doubted that he ever had any ability. He had to ground himself and find out who he was. If our self-worth depends on the success and we lose that, we don’t know what our identity is.

Making money is easy but it will go away If you’re not right in the head and you’re not right in the heart.

He shifted his focus. Instead of dollars and shiny cars, he lives for purpose and seeks to touch lives. He realized that he was not his balance sheet. He was not his mistakes. The key was asking for help. He struggled with his therapist before finally acknowledging all the carnage he created. He took 100% responsibility for everything. That was the biggest shift. 

Finances and couples

60% of divorces are from financial stress, but it’s a taboo for men and women to come together on it. They avoid facing financial problems, it becomes bigger, the relationship suffers.

The natural masculine desire is to be in charge and take care of the family. Sometimes, when we’re not sure of where we’re going, we just make it up. We don’t want to admit we have no idea how to provide for our families.

We have to realize that our spouse is our teammate and that the only way to fix the problem is to start being real about money. What are we spending it on? Why? What are the things we really care about?

One of the most powerful thing a man can do is admit he really doesn’t know about the intricacies of investments. Then he can find people who will tell him the truth and show him what he can’t see. This breakthrough will build the confidence to run the household without the fear.

Financial freedom is not money in the bank. It’s confidence. It’s your mission.

Transcending Financial Problems with a QRP

QRP stands for Qualified Retirement Plan, in which you are in charge of designing your plan. You can avoid taxes and fees while keeping all your profits in your plan. Damion says that his powerful financial tool is rarely heard of because Wall Street would close down if everyone switched to QRPs. He quotes John Bogle as saying that 80% of investment profits go the financial institution that had none of the risk and only 20% goes to the investor. Their fees chew the majority of the money an investor would make. The system will not talk about alternative investment strategies like QRPs to ensure their survival. They are protecting themselves.

Total Control Financial and the QRP

Damion Lupo and his team have an exclusive offer for The Good Dad Project audience. Go to totalcontrolfinancial.com/gooddad to get the QRP report, a free ebook, and the first year’s fee will be waived. You have nothing to lose. Take the first step toward true financial freedom.

Mentioned Episodes:

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly

Why Your Ego is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday



Resources

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GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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