As Dads, we are pulled in several different directions. We have work, family time, household responsibilities, homework, sporting events with our kids…our list is endless. Is it possible to take just a small amount of time (just 30 minutes) to attend to our own health? For some of us, taking 30 minutes per day would seem like a daunting task or maybe even selfish. Part of being the best versions of ourselves means having the healthiest body and mind possible. With out those two critical components, we can become over stressed, tired, and burnt out.

GDP 132 - Drugs, Alcohol, and Fatherhood with Omar Pinto

Drugs, Alcohol, and Fatherhood with Omar Pinto

Today we have Omar Pinto, host and founder of the wildly popular SHAIR Podcast. SHAIR stands for Sharing Helps Addicts in Recovery. He’s part of our Dad Edge Alliance and he’s also a friend.

“O” shares the heart-wrenching story of the son he had to give up. He also takes us through his insane addiction to cocaine and alcohol, and how he not only survived, but transformed into one of the most well-known voices in recovery today. This is a special episode you will not forget!

The SHAIR Podcast

Drugs and alcohol are one of the most popular topics on the GDP. Many of us drink alcohol –  some of us are social drinkers, some of us might drink a lot – we’re all over the spectrum, but we’re all curious if we’re depending on it too much. There also might be some recreational drug users in the community who may wonder if their life could be better without drugs, but are too afraid to ask for help.

Omar Pinto has a huge fan base and he’s changing lives. Every week The SHAIR Podcast broadcasts amazing life-changing success stories from addicts and alcoholics all over the world and shares their inspiring journey into recovery. He also manages a 100% private Facebook accountability group for active and recovering alcoholics and addicts. His passion and life’s purpose is to inspire people struggling with addiction to take that first step towards recovery, to show them that their life could be so much better and that there is a better way to live.

Omar’s Story

Came from a dysfunctional home. His mom was Jehovah’s Witness, but his dad left the religion and it became a constant source of tension in the home. His dad was explosive and he grew watching parents fight all the time. At one point, Omar remembers that they each had their own bedroom, and he thought that when he got older he would do the same. This was normal to him.

His dad’s side of the family were heavy drinkers, but no one ever said the word “alcoholic.” They were social drinkers, weekend warriors. There was never a wedding, birthday, or funeral where alcohol was not involved.

Omar had low self-esteem as a kid. He worried about how he looked, whether he was smart, and if he would ever be a good athlete. He was a C student who had no special talents. Worst of all, he had a difficult time trying to fit in because his mom was Jehovah’s Witness. He couldn’t go to parties or participate in holiday activates. He was isolated and lost. It’s no wonder that drinking appealed to him.

At the age of seventeen, he got a job at a steakhouse. He left with a fat stack of cash every night and it was party time. He had no goals or aspirations. He was attending college, but not getting anywhere. He was already living the dream – a career waiter. The fun he was having was irresistible. But he started to drink on the job and one day passes out and gets fired.

He spent five years in college and didn’t get a degree. He decided to move to LA and get into the mortgage business. This was before the recession hit, and he was making the bucks. He met a girl and started a volatile relationship. Dysfunction seeks dysfunction. Omar was always wanted to be the hero, so he attracted victims. Once he rescued them, he took them hostage. Omar says he was an angry person; anger protected him and kept him sharp. His girlfriend moved in, and they had serious fights. He would go to work with scratch marks on his face.

After multiple break ups and reunions, he finally said he’s done with her for good. He was free and finally ready to move on with his life. A week later, his ex-girlfriend called.

She’s pregnant.

Fatherhood Nightmare

Omar was distraught. He called his dad and cried to him, but instead getting a sympathetic ear, his father told him, “Stop crying and man up. You’re twenty-five. You have nothing going for you. You couldn’t finish college. You can’t hold a steady job. This is the best thing that could happen to you. This will teach you how to be a man.”

The tears just stopped. Omar put his head back, and said, “Alright, Dad.”

His pregnant girlfriend moved back in, and the nightmare continues. It was rough, but Omar pushed through. As soon as his son was born, she left him to stay with her parents.

A constant battle to see his son ensued. Each time he tried to make arrangements, she avoided him or put him off. He spent the next year trying to see him. Finally, he told her, “If you want, you take full custody and relinquish me of any financial responsibility.” That was the offer she had been waiting for. She never answered him, just sent the papers. He was done.

The Descent into Addiction

Omar was broken and in a serious depression, he never stopped thinking about his son. Then someone offered him an online casino job in Costa Rica. This is where he met his present wife and the drug that would lead him into destruction.

Omar was told that above all, he had to fit in. His contacts and partners were valuable to the business. When he met all his coworkers, he couldn’t believe what insane partiers they were. They had bars in their offices. They even smoked weed right there at work. Omar drank and got high at work every day, having the best time ever.

One night, Omar was falling asleep on the desk. All his coworkers were on the way to the casino, but he told him he was too tired to go. How did they have the energy to stay out all night? Then one of the guys offered Omar some cocaine. The clouds parted. The angels sang. Omar felt like it was the secret elixir of success.

But it doesn’t take long to degrade into a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde situation. Omar’s problem skyrocketed. He regularly fell into coke-induced psychosis and paranoia, disappearing on binges and acting on insane delusions.

During the same time, he married his new wife and she was pregnant. But he couldn’t stop. One night, with his heart racing so fast he had to down booze and sedatives to prevent a heart attack, he hit an all time low. He got on his knees and prayed for God to take him out of this world or get him clean.

He woke up the next day, got in his car, and drove to his therapist. “I need help,” he finally said. The therapist new of a Narcotics Anonymous meeting that was starting in an hour. Omar made it. He shared his story. The people surrounded him. That was the beginning his journey into recovery.

A Life of Purpose in Recovery

The 12 Steps radically changed Omar’s life. They allowed him to work through his father’s death and the unresolved situation with his son. Omar knew his story might inspire people to make the first step toward recovery. He created The SHAIR Podcast for those who are suffering from this disease who are hiding behind a veil of shame, those who are isolated behind a computer who just need one ray of hope and support to get started.

Thanks to the program that saved his life, Omar is still with his beautiful wife and his daughter who is now fourteen-years-old. He surrounds himself with people with the same values and principles. Fidelity, loyalty, and responsibility are non-negotiable. As painful as the situation with his son was, Omar says he wouldn’t be the man he is today or appreciate his family like he does today if he hadn’t gone through it. Now, it’s his goal to be the best dad he can be for his daughter.

Omar’s Dad Wisdom

If you are lost and haven’t quite found out how to communicate with your kids and be a good father, you have to view your circle of influence.

If you have sucky friends who are shitty dads, get rid of them. Find guys who are solid who care about their children.

 

If you’re struggling with drugs and alcohol and you’re afraid to ask for help, if you’re afraid to be found out, go to SHAIR Private Facebook group. You will be welcomed and surrounded with absolute love and support.
CLICK HERE TO JOIN.

 

Mentioned Episodes:

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

SHAIR 134: “DO EPIC SHIT” with Larry Hagner of The Good Dad Project and The Dads Edge Alliance


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Daddy Will Always Love and Protect You

Links

Omar Pinto

theshairpodcast.com

Facebook

Private Facebook Group

Twitter


Are you ready to create an epic life

YES, I AM!

Dad Edge Alliance

What Doesn't Kill Us Scott Carney

What Doesn’t Kill Us with Scott Carney

Would you climb to the top of Kilimanjaro in 30-degree weather wearing nothing but boots, shorts, and a knit cap? Today’s guest did it and he wrote the book on it. We have NY Times bestselling author of What Doesn’t Kill Us, Scott Carney to tell us why he put his body through such extremes and why we all should get out of our physical comfort zones for better health, mental resilience, and disease resistance.

We talk about dads’ health a lot on the GDP – diet, exercise, and finding the time to take care of ourselves, but we’ve never had a show like this. Scott Carney believes our comfortable modern lifestyle is making us weak and shows how to use 15 minutes a day to make ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally invincible.

Think about it. We get up from our warm beds into a warm shower. We walk from our front doors to our cars, from our cars to our workplaces. Whether we go to the store or the gym or the movie theater, our climate is controlled. We are never exposed to the elements. Our environment is always the same.

Our human evolution was not built for that. Our bodies developed systems for survival and adaptation, but we are never challenged. Our habitat is static and these systems aren’t exercised anymore. This is why Scott Carney believes there is more to human health than diet and exercise. He suggests there is a third pillar, the environment you inhabit.

If your environment is static, you’re not exercising your systems.

Scott Carney’s story

Grew up in Rhode Island with a good family. His father was a surgeon and was absent most of the time. He was a good man, but worked probably 100 hours a week. Scott and his father were not incredibly close because of that. But he had a close relationship with his mom, and spent most of his childhood whacking sticks at trees, pretending he was a knight.

Scott says that did everything he wanted to do as a kid. He played video games, went sailing, dug for mollusks on the beach. He played Dungeons and Dragons. The game was considered counter-culture at the time, but being dungeon master involved a great deal of storytelling. Scot was telling stories to his friends throughout his teens, and he thinks that’s why he became a writer.

Scott grew up in an exclusively white suburb. In 5th grade, his parents asked him to choose a school. When they visited a poorer school in low-income community, he saw his first black kid in a skull cap and he told his parents that this was the school he wanted to attend. He was a minority and he chose it for that.

I’m interested in finding places that make me uncomfortable. 

Scott’s mission before was debunking false gurus and selling his articles to magazines like Playboy and Details. One day he spotted a picture of Wim Hof sitting on an iceberg in nothing but a pair of shorts. Wim Hof had broken all kinds of records when it came to testing the limits of the human body, but when Hof claimed to be able to teach people to do the same, Scott had to go out and debunk him. He had seen deaths result from people with claims like this. Maybe Wim Hof was a genetic freak, but normal people would die if they followed him.

Scott meets him and is unimpressed with Hof’s appearance. His big ruddy nose from years of alcoholism, his bad balding head with long hair hairstyle, gave him the aura of a smelly homeless dude. Still, Scott went to Hof’s training center in Poland. The first thing Scott sees when he arrives at the dilapidated farm house is a guy outside his window, barefoot and only wearing his underwear in the dead of Polish winter. The man was throwing snow on himself and Scott could see the steam rising from his body. He wondered what he had gotten himself into.

But after hanging out with Hoff and training under his methods, Scott realized it wasn’t bullshit at all. He could learn to do the same things. He found out he could get comfortable with the cold, and he could learn these skills quickly.  At the end of the week, in 2-degree weather, Scott found himself in boots, shorts, and a hat climbing to top of a mountain and burning up all the time.

This started him on the path that would lead him to Kilimanjaro and his bestselling book, What Doesn’t Kills Us.

What Doesn’t Kill Us

We are hairless apes with billions of years of development behind us. Our bodies and cells are evolved to change in relation to the signals we receive from light, temperature, and elements.

But we have factored out our environment. The systems created to respond to changes have gotten lazy and weak.

Scott says that when those systems aren’t used, they turn against us, causing inflammation and chronic health problems from blood pressure to auto-immune diseases like Lupus, Crohn’s, and allergies.

15 Minutes to Exercise Your Systems

Scott says that when you start giving people environmental stimulus that is uncomfortable, you start to trigger the fight or flight response that modulates all sorts of systems in the body. If you learn to control your physical response, it can help with all kinds of problems, even anxiety.

Fathers don’t have a lot of time to train in the snow and climb mountains in their boxers, but staying in a comfort zone for a man is deadly. This quick 2-phase morning routine will help sync your systems.

  1. Wim Hof breathing protocol – You can do this exercise in bed. What you’ll essentially be doing is hyperventilating. Breathe deeply in and out thirty times. You’ll get lightheaded, and this is normal. Then after the last breath, hold it till you feel like you’re going to gasp (but don’t pass out). Then take a half-breath and hold it for ten seconds. After that, do another cycle of thirty breaths, then hold again. The second time you’ll discover that you can hold much longer. You might see colors behind your eyes. You will feel dizzy, amped, and full of adrenaline. Do one more rep of thirty breaths. Now, let all air out, get on the floor, and do as many pushups as you can while holding your breath. Tip: Do not eat beforehand. All your blood will go to your stomach.
  2. The Cold Shower – After your breathing exercise, you can eat breakfast. Then hop in the shower. Start off with warm water and at the end, turn the water all the way to cold (the colder the better). The goal is this: when the water is cascading, instead of clenching your body and shivering to create heat, learn to relax in the cold. Get the mental power to be at ease in this stressful environment. This teaches body to find another way to heat itself, thus raising metabolic rate. This exercise also helps anxiety by activating the fight or flight and then stopping it

Wisdom to Make Us Better Men

Dads are constantly faced with stressors. Work, kids, relationships. How can we be better responders instead of horrible reactors?

Scott Carney is not a dad, but he says to always try to do things that make you uncomfortable. Stay curious throughout your life. Explore. Find something weird, strange, new, or unfamiliar. When we lose our curiosity, we die a little bit.

Kids have great curiosity. Learn from them.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Daddy Will Always Love and Protect You

Links

Scott Carney

scottcarney.com

Facebook

Twitter

iBooks

Amazon


Are you ready to create an epic life

YES, I AM!

Dad Edge Alliance

Change Your Drinking Habits

Change Your Drinking Habits, Change Your Life – Join GDP Dry September!

If you’ve been thinking of the idea of whether to give up alcohol, now’s the time to do it. We’re doing a September 30-Day no alcohol challenge with the Good Dad Project Community. Join us on our free Dad Edge Facebook group and the Dad Edge Alliance membership group and share your experience. By making a commitment to quit drinking together, we will have the support and accountability we need to succeed.

 

 

Post your challenges and successes in our groups. We want to hear when it’s hard. We want to hear about the changes you see in your life. Help and inspire others in the group. Join our challenge today!

Use the hashtag #GDPDRYSEPTEMBER

 

JOIN THE DAD EDGE FREE FACEBOOK GROUP

JOIN THE DAD EDGE ALLIANCE ELITE MEMBERSHIP GROUP

For more resources to go alcohol-free, go to oneyearnobeer.com/gdp

Mentioned Episode: How Giving Up Alcohol Will Revolutionize Your Life with Ruari Fairbairns


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

How Giving Up Alcohol Will Revolutionize Your Life with Ruari Fairbairns

How Giving Up Alcohol Will Revolutionize Your Life with Ruari Fairbairns

Ruari Fairbairns from One Year No Beer is back to talk about his relationship with alcohol before and after he gave it up. In this episode, you’ll learn how giving up alcohol will revolutionize your life mentally, physically, and socially. You will also be given the tools you need to control your drinking with confidence and inspire people around you.

BEFORE ALCOHOL-FREE LIVING

Ruari Fairbairns was twelve years old the first time he got drunk. He saw adults do it and copied them. As he got older, he became the center of the party and the last man standing at the end of the night.

Ruari says he doesn’t think he had a bad relationship with alcohol. He didn’t drink alone at home. He never felt he needed it, but alcohol was part of his lifestyle, his career, and his social life. Even when he met his wife, they partied hard together.

But when it came time to start a family, it caused friction in his life. Ruari went out to binge drink two times a week, and his wife wasn’t happy about him coming home at four o’clock in the morning.

At first, he couldn’t see a way around living without alcohol. Alcohol was part of entertaining his clients. Drinking was part of being a man. Then Ruari became involved in an anger management program where he learned that caffeine and alcohol were the two biggest instigators. It was then that he decided to quit drinking for ninety days.

Ruari says that during that 90 days his whole life changed. A fog had been lifted away. He felt excitement and passion for life again. His ADHD and depression where gone. He couldn’t believe something so simple as not drinking could have such a profound effect on his life.

He decided to keep going and went two years without alcohol. Now his mission is to help others experience a more productive and fulfilling life without alcohol.

MOST PEOPE THINK “THIS IS GOING TO SUCK”

The fears most people have about quitting alcohol is that they will be bored and socially excluded. They’re thinking, No one’s going to like me. How am I going to have a good time? How am I going to go out with my wife and not have a cocktail?

But Ruari says that everything you’re thinking right now about why you can’t quit is bullshit. You’ll realize that when you get past it. Think back to when you were a kid. Did you need alcohol to have a good time? To stay up and play all night

ONE YEAR NO BEER

The One Year No Beer challenge educates people on how to exist and survive without drinking for 30 days to 90 days and beyond. The strategy is not to hide away. It’s to change your relationship with alcohol by creating new neuropathways in your brain.

Key to this thing is tribalism. One of the reasons people react negatively when you stop drinking because you are appearing to leave the tribe. People are made to question their own habit and that makes them fearful.

You are the total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If you’re hanging around friends who drink, chances are you will be dragged into it. One Year No Beer builds a tribe for you so you have support while you’re doing the challenge. They have video groups, a Facebook group, and a forum community. They send daily emails and have courses. You’re able to belong to something while you step away briefly from your own tribe until you are strong enough to be among people who drink again.

DRINKING AND YOUR KIDS

As parents, we must lead by example. You can say what you like to your kids, but they will follow your actions before your words.

In the US 11% of alcohol consumed is by 12 to 20-year-olds. 90% of this consumption is in the form of binge drinking. It has been shown that young people who start early drink more heavily and more frequently than those who delayed their first drink. We know our kids are modeling our behavior. That is why it’s especially important for dads to set a good example by not relying on alcohol.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Many people feel like they need alcohol to bond with their spouses, but drinking actually kills your relationships. So many fights and arguments are triggered and spiral out of control when alcohol is involved. Going out and drinking together doesn’t build a long-term sustainable relationship.

Ruari says that step one for couples in distress is 90 days without booze. You can’t face any problems when you’re numbing yourself. You can connect on a deeper level when sober.

MONEY

Have you ever added up the money you spend on alcohol? Not just cost of drinks, but the taxis to drive you home, the junk food you consume when your drunk, the price of the inevitable health consequences. Saving money is one more reason to take on a One Year No Beer Challenge.

THIS IS NOT FOREVER

Ruari decided two years was enough abstinence for him. Sometimes he drinks, but in total control. One Year No Beer challenges put control back in your hands so you can choose when you want to drink and when you don’t want to.

JOIN THE CHALLENGE!

Join the Good Dad Project community in a 28-Day Alcohol-Free challenge and rewire your brain so that YOU are in control of your drinking. Your family, your career, your liver and your pocket will thank you!

You’ll get

  • daily email support
  • daily motivational videos
  • support and accountability on the go

Go to oneyearnobeer.com/gdp and get signed up for 20% off.

Don’t worry if you’ve caught this episode later. This discount will always be available for GDP listeners.

 

Mentioned Episodes: 

The Life Lessons Learned from Going One Year Without Drinking

How to Conquer Alcohol Addiction with Ruari Fairbains


give KIND a try

GDP exclusive

10 snack variety pack plus a monthly snack subscription

Visit kindsnacks.com/gooddad


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Ruari Fairbairns’s Links

Oneyearnobeer.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

 


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

Insomnia, Depression, and Anxiety

Getting Real About Insomnia, Depression, and Anxiety

What happens when we go through something so difficult that it rocks the very core of who we are? Today I have a real, raw discussion with Josiah Novak from True Transformation about my battle with insomnia, depression, and anxiety.

Regular listeners know that I just recovered from a 33-day bout of debilitating insomnia. It was the most insane thing I ever went through. It tested me mentally, emotionally, physically and I felt that I might lose everything that was important to me. For the first time in my life, I understood how awful depression and anxiety could be.

During this episode, I go through the story from beginning to end. Here are a few takeaway lessons from my experience.

Listen to your body

My insomnia began after vigorous training for SEALFIT 20X. After breaking my personal records, I didn’t feel right. Instead of listening to my body, I kept pushing myself and the adrenaline and cortisol from the intense workouts wouldn’t let my body calm down. I put myself through an unnecessary domino effect of absolute hell.

Ask for help right away

I couldn’t sleep for more than 90 minutes to 3 hours a night. I thought it would pass and go away on its own. It didn’t.

I couldn’t think right. I began to have panic attacks. If I had gotten help in the beginning, it may not had gotten to that point.

Don’t give up

My wife became a single mother during this time. I had gotten so depressed I didn’t know what to do with myself. There was tension in our relationship and I felt that if I couldn’t function, provide, or please her, what good was I as a man? At one point I thought I wouldn’t be able to hang on much longer. But eventually I broke the cycle. As desperate as I felt, there was an end to the nightmare.

The doctor isn’t always right

I tried all kinds of sleeping pills and psychiatric meds. I even swigged shots of Benadryl. One doctor told me that if my prescription didn’t work for me, there was no hope. Another doctor prescribed me four different powerful drugs to take everyday. They had awful side-effects. Against doctor’s orders, I tapered myself off and now use natural techniques to make sure I fall asleep.

Set boundaries

You can’t ‘yes’ to everything. In the end you spread yourself too thin and can’t give your attention to those who need it most, like your kids. Think about what’s important in your life and save your energy for your priorities.

Depression and Anxiety can happen to anybody

I now have tremendous compassion for people who have depression and anxiety. It’s not something anyone wants to have. It’s not something anyone can control. It represents emotional struggle, a cycle that no one knows how to deal with. It can seem like digging an endless hole. If you’ve never experienced it, you don’t know. Men do suffer depression and anxiety, and we should be talking about it.

 

Referenced Episode : How to Get Rid of the Dad Bod in 2017 with Josiah Novak

 


Get a free audio book and a one month trial by visiting audible.com/gooddad.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Josiah Novak’s links

thetruetransformation.com

Facebook

Instagram

Fitman Project Podcast


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance