Why Nice Guys Don't Get Their Needs Met

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, dropped some knowledge bombs on us in our last episode. He also did a live Q & A with our Dad Edge Alliance membership group. Today you will hear a clip of highlights from the call itself as Dr. Robert Glover expands on why nice guys don’t get their needs met.

Note: Our free Dad Edge Facebook group grows by 200 guys a week, but if you want to step up game even more, check out our Dad Edge Alliance membership group where we have weekly talks, community calls, and a elite guest speakers like Dr. Robert Glover every month.

Mr. Nice Guy’s 3 Covert Contracts

  1. If I’m a good guy, I will be liked and loved (and women will desire me).
  2. If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  3. If I do everything right, I’ll have a smooth problem free life.

The number one way to stop the effects of Nice Guy Syndrome is to assume the responsibility of taking better care of ourselves and making sure our own needs are met.

Each of us is like a big cup that only holds so much. Nice guys take care of everyone else and hope that others will fill them back up. We can’t figure out why we do everything right and yet fail in our work, love, and sex life. We become more desperate to please and seek validation from others. Women turn a cold shoulder to us, not because they are rejecting sex. They are rejecting the neediness.

When we take care of ourselves, we become more generous and  more judicious givers. Healthy giving is not giving to get, it’s a measured response.

Mentioned Episodes: No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover


Looking for the Perfect Kids’ Snack on the go?

Get your RXBAR Kids sample box with 16 whole food protein bars

(for 25% off the price you pay at Target.)

Go to rxbar.com/gooddad

ENTER COUPON CODE: GOOD DAD

 

Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Dr. Robert Glover’s Links

Website

Facebook

Twitter


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

no more mr. nice guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why are we not getting our needs met when we seem to be going out of our way for everyone? Dr. Robert Glover talks to us today about Nice Guy Syndrome and why it’s actually not so nice for you and for those around you. This show will change everything you thought you knew about being Mr. Nice Guy.

Dr. Robert Glover

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.

Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.

Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.

As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Dr. Glover started discovering the dynamic of Nice Guy Syndrome in his thirties. He was in an unhappy marriage and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He was doing everything to try to make his wife happy and avoid conflict. Somehow, no matter what he did it was never good enough. She was moody and had lost all interest in sex. Dr. Glover was bewildered why being a nice guy wasn’t working.

The problem was that being a nice guy on the outside made him hold in his frustrations. He became resentful and passive aggressive. His wife actually told him she’d rather be with an outright asshole than to be with him. He wanted to stay married so he went to support groups and therapy and began to understand what had happened to him.

A key piece to the development of Dr. Glover’s Nice Guy Syndrome was his childhood. He and his father were close and spent lots of time together, but there was one problem–his father was extremely moody. He would get angry for no reason and stay that way for weeks. Dr. Glover was determined not to be like his dad. He wanted to be different from all the jerks that women complained about. He would be the nice guy and women would desire him because of that.

Core of Nice Guy Syndrome

Nice guys live by three covert contracts. The problem is, no one knows they are operating by these unspoken rules.

  1. If I’m a good guy, I will be liked and loved (and women will desire me).
  2. If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  3. If I do everything right, I’ll have a smooth problem free life.

When nice guys don’t get the results they hoped for, they don’t give up. They tend to double-down and try harder. That’s when they need to look outside for help.

Some Nice Guy Traits

  • seek the approval of others.
  • hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
  • put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
  • sacrifice their personal power and play the role of a victim.
  • tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.

How to Reclaim Your Personal Power

  1. Don’t try to do it alone.
  2. Don’t try to do it with your intimate partner.
  3. Find a safe person or safe place (friend, therapist, coach, mentor, support group).
  4. Practice talking about things you’ve hidden about yourself.
  5. Keep connected with a tribe.

 


give KIND a try

GDP exclusive

10 snack variety pack plus a monthly snack subscription

Visit kindsnacks.com/gooddad


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Dr. Robert Glover’s Links

Website

Facebook

Twitter

 


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

Process to Build Unshakable Confidence

The 4-Step Process to Build Unshakable Confidence

In this episode of Thursday Throwdown, I’m going to share with you some very powerful information from former Navy SEAL Larry Yatch and outline his 4-step process to build unshakable confidence in every aspect of your life. You don’t want to miss this short, simple, yet life-changing podcast.

Mentioned Episodes:

How to Break the Cycle of the Fixed Mindset with Larry Yatch

How to Instill the Growth Mindset in Your Kids with Larry Yatch

Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

Reversing Generations of Bad Parenting with 6-Time Muay Thai Champion Chris Romulo


SEALed Mindset Exclusive GDP Offer


Get access to the SEALed Mindset Membership Platform

Normal price: $150-$250 a month

DISCOUNT EXTENDED: $25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

Extra bonus: For FREE new lesson click here> SMLdad.com

 


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

The Art of Charm and Professional Relationships with Jordan Harbinger

The Art of Charm and Professional Relationships with Jordan Harbinger

Work relationship issues can lead to broken deals, missed promotions, and lost jobs. Today, Jordan Harbinger from the Art of Charm Podcast uncovers the truths and smashes the myths about building relationships at work. He also tells us how our body language dictates how we are treated, and gives us his drill to start appearing more confident and competent right away.

Jordan Harbinger’s Story

Jordan is not a dad, but course, he had a dad. He got into trouble as a kid because his dad was always working. Working hard was how he showed love to his kids. Jordan says this was not a great way to be a father. Every kid would rather have time with their dad.

Jordan started skipping school. He wasn’t cool, so he didn’t go hang out with the other kids. He went home to his computer and spent all his time on the internet – the internet of 1993. It was nothing like the world wide web we know today. Jordan figured out ways to tap phone calls. At the age of thirteen, he was exposed to conversations about real emotions and problems. The world of adults became three-dimensional to him and it opened him up to how complex human relationships are. It became his obsession.

After he graduated law school, he got internship at an old prestigious white-shoe firm. Jordan noticed one of the partners was never there. One day he asked him, “why are you always out of the office? And how do you still make so much money?” The man told Jordan that he didn’t worry about billing hours because he brought in a lot of deals. He focused on business generation, not so much client service. He went out to enjoy golf, jujitsu, cruises, and events for charities. His socializing generated the relationships that brought the firm revenue.

At that moment, Jordan’s mind imploded. All patterns he had in his head about how work works were turned upside down. He realized that the way you network is through generating and putting energy into relationships, and, like parenting and marriage, something grows out of that.

What Happens if We Don’t Work on Professional Relationships?

Jordan keeps tabs on his old buddies who are finding themselves behind. They keep hitting barricades and never get the promotions they’re expecting. They work hard and wonder why they’re stuck.

Jordan says, ninety-nine times the guy didn’t outperform you, but out-networked you.

If you’re in an organization, and you’re not mindfully working on relationships, you’re being willfully ignorant of the secret game being played around you.

Why We’ve Ignored the Social Aspects of Business

Most of our dads taught us to work as hard as we can and never give up. Eventually, our hard work gets noticed. We get promoted and promoted again. Maybe we even get to the top. Or, maybe not.

Myth

This old-school mindset leads us to believe that:

  • We should be getting promoted for work ethic and skill – nothing else.
  • If we didn’t sweat and grind for it, it isn’t ours.
  • Getting something as a result of our relationships is wrong.

This way of thinking is setting us up for failure. Relationships with people in our career-life are just as important as the ones with our wife and family. If we put time and effort into connecting with people, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the success we may achieve as a result. If we fail to build rapport with the people in our professional lives, we will lose out.

Face It.

People are going to choose the people they like. If there are three candidates with roughly the same qualifications, the person in charge will choose the one they feel most comfortable with. They will choose someone they work well with and have fun with.

It’s not just about likeability, it’s about productivity and success. It’s very rare that a team who is qualified and gets along doesn’t succeed. But we see the disaster that happens when teams that do NOT get along. One poorly chosen team member can ruin a whole project, and everyone fails. This is why sometimes highly-qualified candidates get passed over for a better team player or someone with better social and management skills.

Building Rapport and Self-confidence

We receive first impressions visually. Nonverbal communication is our first way to show confidence and competence. Appearing confident will cause people to treat you differently. Once we’re treated with respect, we act accordingly. When we carry ourselves differently, we’re treated differently. When we’re treated differently, we’ll act differently. We actually grow into those personality characteristics.

Project Confidence, not Ego

Projecting confidence is not trying to be the emotionless Rambo-type. Some of us developed emotional toughness in our school days to protect us and never outgrew it. But now it’s time to drop the tough-guy act. We want to act confident, not egotistical.

Be the First One to Be Vulnerable

People bond over shared experiences. Knowing, liking, and trusting has to do with vulnerability. Be the first person to display weakness with confidence. Share a relatable problem. This helps generate rapport and people feel they can trust you. No one will feel safe sharing with you if you don’t share with them.

Body Language and Confidence

Stand up straight with your chin up, shoulders back, and with a smile on your face. This is open, positive body language, but it’s hard to manage nonverbal when you’re in the middle of interacting. You can’t remember all the time. It needs to be a habit so you don’t have to think about it anymore.How can we condition ourselves to use confident body language without thinking about it?

Jordan Harbinger’s Doorway Drill

You can do this drill in your own house. Every time you walk through a doorway, remember to stand up, put your chin up, put your shoulders back, and smile. If you have trouble remembering to do this, take a pad of post it notes and leave them on all the doorways. Every time you see the post it, you’ll wonder why it’s there and you’ll remember the drill. By the time you become blind to the post it notes, you will get the doorway drill.

Jordan Harbinger’s Dad Wisdom (as a son)

Don’t think that talking about your day is boring to your kids.

Many men don’t want to talk about work to our families. We think it’s stressful or uninteresting. But as a boy, Jordan said he would have loved to hear about his dad’s work and about what grown men are supposed to do day to day.

Being a dad is not just provide, provide, provide. Part of being vulnerable is sharing daily challenges with our kids. Spend some time with your kids. Use it to build a bond with them.  Take advantage of the fact they want to listen to you. When they’re older, they might not.

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Jordan Harbinger’s Links

Theartofcharm.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Podcast


The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach

Learn how to coach baseball right with 7 days of FREE access.

 

 

 

 

 

taking risks for a life of fulfillment

Taking Risks for a Life of Fulfillment

In our last episode, we talked with Sam Weinman about how to win at losing, how to succeed when we fail, and how to learn from defeat. I want to recap on this because the fear of losing is one of the most popular topics discussed in our Dad’s Edge Private Facebook Group. A lot of guys are afraid of taking risks and doing something new. We’re afraid of failing. We hold back because we think we’re not good enough.

But, think about it.

What would life would be like if you took no risks?

What if you always knew what exactly what would happen?

Would you be afraid?

No. You would have certainty. You would know the outcome of every situation in life. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

No, really think about it.

Absolute certainty would be a curse. You would be bored without any challenges or surprises, and life would be unfulfilling.

So start today.

Do something that scares you a little.

In order to live life to the fullest, we must take risks, get our hands dirty, and fail.

 

Referenced Episode: How to Teach Our Kids to Win at Losing with Sam Weinman

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


SEALed Mindset Exclusive GDP Offer


Get access to the SEALed Mindset Membership Platform

Normal price: $150-$250 a month

DISCOUNT EXTENDED: $25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

Extra bonus: For FREE new lesson click here> SMLdad.com


The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach.

Learn How to Coach Baseball right with 7 days of FREE access for GDP listeners.