Posts

peter sacco

Uncovering the Truth About Anger with Peter Sacco

Most men struggle with anger daily. Our tempers flare at work and at home with our wife and kids. Some of us are like Bruce Banner. Some of us turn into the Incredible Hulk. Canada’s psyche doctor, Peter Andrew Sacco tells us the secrets to where anger comes from, how to manage it, and so much more. You don’t want to skip this mind-blowing episode!

We are full-time workers, dads, and husbands. As men, it’s sometimes hard to control our anger. Discovering what type of temperament we have will help us find better ways to manage our anger, improve our relationships, and set an example for our kids on how to deal with their emotions too.

Peter Sacco

Peter Sacco, author of What’s Your Anger Type? is a psychology professor, a former private practitioner and is a regularly featured guest on television and radio. He is also an award-winning executive producer and has hosted many documentaries on relationships, psychological issues, and children’s issues. Peter Sacco has done extensive work in support groups and in anger management, especially with dads who are abusive towards kids and spouses.

Anger is a normal

Anger is a normal emotion. It’s how we deal with it that can be destructive.

Anger makes a person seem more authoritative and powerful, but the truth is that people with an anger problem actually feel they have no control in their lives. A lot of this aggression comes from unresolved issues in childhood and from shame or rage from being rejected as a kid.

Anger can be addictive

Anger is like a drug. When a person gets incensed, they experience an adrenaline rush. Being angry gives the sensation of dominance and control. It overpowers the fear that lies beneath it and gives a person a sense of power because it’s a stronger emotion than depression.

Is there hope for men with anger issues?

Some men who’ve come from a chaotic childhood feel doomed. They believe they’re broken and can’t be fixed. But Peter Sacco says there is tremendous hope for people with anger issues, but they have to do the work.

“You’ve got to want to be the change in your own life”

How to communicate anger

Just like a soldier who has experienced PTSD, a person with a traumatic or abusive past might cope with unresolved emotions in different destructive ways. Some may use drugs and alcohol, some might vent their rage on certain races, others will withdraw or play the victim.

“Today’s catchers are tomorrow’s pitchers.”

A person who has anger issues will be more likely to take it on one his family. If your relationships fall apart and your work life is full of turmoil, the common denominator is you. It may be time to seek help.

Anger and bullying

Bullied kids lack self-esteem and confidence. They suffer from anxiety and depression. Some overcome it through counseling and become normal. Some cope by learning to be helpless and withdraw. Others develop a superiority complex and become bullies themselves, using aggression, rage, or passive aggression on others.

Why kids are suffering from Anxiety and Depression

Parents spend 2.5 to 6.5 minutes talking to their kids each day. In this small amount of time, the communication is usually corrective or punitive. It’s not at a deep intimate level because parents shy away from intimacy from their kids. ADHD has gone up. Divorce rates have risen. Peter Sacco believes it’s this lack of intimacy that’s more responsible than toxins in the environment or ingredients in food. Communication is the key.

Tips for improving communication with your kids

How to start the conversation.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking with your kids, find a situation where you’re most comfortable. Dinner is the best and most traditional forum for families to talk. Sit at the table. Make your kids accountable. Every day, ask them to give five things they’re grateful for. Then tell them to talk about one or two things they didn’t like. This will open up communication.

 

Don’t start out questions with WHY. “Why” pushes someone in a corner. Be a facilitator, don’t treat kids as miniature adults. Don’t say why was your day bad? Say, if your day could go anyway you wanted, what would that be?

 

Be more creative with questions. Do not be so direct. Maybe some things they’re facing will come out.

 

Make yourself the go-to guy.

Fathers are the breadwinners, and many feel that as long as they provide for their children, they’re doing their job as a parent. Most dads will plan adventures or bond over sports, but these activates focus on the event, not the father/child relationship.

 

Dads should sit down with their kid and ask, “I’m Dad and you’re my child – let me ask you a question. What do I mean to you as a father? How do you see me? The all-knowing problem solver? Nagger? Coach? Disciplinarian? Teacher? How can I be a better dad?”

 

How to talk about bullying. Kids won’t talk about being bullied because they’re afraid their parents will be ashamed of them. If you suspect bullying, don’t think that nothing’s happening and wait for it to go away on its own. It will wreck a child’s self-esteem. It’s crucial for kids to know that bullying happens in all walks of life. There is nothing to be ashamed of and that they can talk to you about it.

 

When Dad’s Get Angry

Even on our best days, our patience will run out. Peter Sacco says that the best way to communicate anger is to tell your kids you’re not feeling well. Tell them you just need a few moments. Instead of making it worse, treat anger like you have an upset stomach or like you’re going to vomit. You don’t want to talk about it. You want to be left alone. You’re not lying by saying you’re not feeling well because anger is a feeling. In a half hour, the emotions pass, and you’ll be in rational mindset to talk.

 

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Peter Sacco’s Links

PeterSacco.com

BullyingisfortheBirds.com

Twitter

Facebook

dads develop patience

3 Secrets for Dads to Develop Patience and Reduce Stress

Dads are pulled in a thousand different directions each day. We are constantly trying to meet the demands of our work and family life, and we seldom reach out for help. This leads to pressure and frustration. Today I list 3 secrets I use to develop patience and reduce stress.

In this episode I tell you how to enhance your patience by:

  1. Making self-care a priority.
  2. Identifying your core values and finding your purpose.
  3. Joining a community of like-minded men like the Dad Edge Facebook group.

 


We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review. We read a review on the show every week, so don’t forget to sign your name.

Dad Edge Facebook Community

Have you joined the Dad Edge Facebook group? We have over 3,000 members from all over the world discussing what it means to be a dad, husband, entrepreneur, and how we can be the best versions of ourselves. Join us here!

RESOURCES

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

courage

How to Feed Your Courage and Starve Your Fear

COURAGE is something every dad needs more of…the question becomes:  “How do we develop more of it?”

We can’t out run stress. It’s simply a fact of our daily lives. The idea that we “eliminate” stress from our life sounds great, but that means cutting out the parts that are most meaningful. Think about it: the parts of our lives that make us who we really are come from areas that bring stress: our work, our kids, our significant others. These aren’t “bad” stressors, but they are part of our lives. It’s not a matter of cutting these areas out, but a matter of how we handle them.

 

Always Darkest Before the Dawn

 

Truth. All too often, we get caught up in the negativity of our circumstances and fail to see what good might actually come out of them. Our mind will take us where we lead it. If we choose to ask questions like “why did this happen to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?” we certainly will find ourselves at the end of a self-destructive spiral of pity and self-loathing. Yuck, we’ve all been there. But, if we choose instead to view a circumstance from a state of abundance instead of scarcity, we just might see that our “negative” circumstances have a lot to teach us.

 

What are You Feeding?

 

Our attitude about stress is all about what we choose to feed: fear or courage. We’ve talked about feeding the Fear or the Courage Wolf before and this is exactly what we have been encouraging. Choosing to nurture the Courage Wolf through affirmation statements gives us the strength to get through the circumstance and persevere. Whereas feeding the Fear Wolf only strengthens our stress, making us anxious and eventually paralyzing us from taking any positive action.

 

Choosing the Statement

 

It doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple phrase like, “I’ve got this” in moments of even the greatest doubts will trigger our minds to think in a state of positive action. Navy Seals even use these statements to get through their most difficult moments in training and the field (see the Mark Divine episode for more!). Like anything in life, how we confront stress is how our mind and body will respond. What it boils down to is the fact that we simply don’t give our minds enough credit for what they are really capable of.

 

It’s About the Questions

 

And what it also comes down to are the questions we ask ourselves. Really, how positive is it to ask ourselves, “what did I do to get here?”. After this question, your mind will tell you EXACTLY what you did to get “here”. Because our minds go where we ask them to go, we tend to lead them down a negative path with this line of questioning. A better, more positive question might be, “what can I learn from this event?”. Through this type of questioning we will find ourselves better poised to handle whatever the stressor might be and learn from it for the next time around.

 

We’ve just touched the surface here. Knowing that we, as men, face the societal challenge to be strong and unbending, we tend to shy away from anything that others might perceive as “weak”. But instead of suffering in silence from these stressors, learning to reprogram how we deal with them will only strengthen our relationships and better our lives.

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 THE FLOW CHART MENTIONED

courage

champion blueprint

The Dad Champion Blueprint with Jeff Spencer

Episode Overview:

Dr. Jeff Spencer has consulted and provided guidance for top-performers in sports and business. As a former Olympian himself, he’s spent a career studying the science of success and helping others implement those principles in their lives with his Champion’s Blueprint training. Shawn and I had an opportunity to talk to Jeff about how the Champion’s Blueprint and Fatherhood go hand-in-hand.

Champion Blueprint for Fatherhood

As men, we don’t like to stop and ask for directions.  Afterall, we are problem solvers!  We are wired to hunt, gather, and simply figure stuff out…sometimes…even if it’s the hard way.  The funny thing about us men is that we love directions.  We love instructions.  We love the “how-to guides.”  However, it’s the “asking part” that we don’t really like.  Most men want direction.  We want guidance.  We want a path to follow.  However, we don’t want to ask for it.

 

Discovering our Own Champion Blueprint

Every dad possesses greatness at some level even if we don’t realize it.  There truly is no distinct roadmap for successful parenting.  However, we can stack the odds in our favor if we simply take time to tap into our greatness and develop our strengths.  

 

Dr. Jeff’s Links

Website:  www.drjeffspencer.com

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/jeff.spencer1

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/jeffspencer

Blog:  http://drjeffspencer.com/blog/

Champion’s Blueprint:  http://drjeffspencer.com/the-champions-blueprint

 

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

 

 

 

fear as father

How to Defeat the Number One Fear as a Father – GDP031

Episode Overview:

In this episode, Larry and Shawn go over some key takeaways from Larry’s Amazon #1 Best Seller, “The Dad’s Edge.”

Key Takeaways:

  •             Learn how to overcome fear as a father
  •             Discover how fear as a father are based on the meaning we give them
  •             Learn how to rewrite your meaning and perspective
  •             Discover how you can take your game to the next level

How to Defeat Fear as a Father

You what really makes us miserable at times?

The answer may surprise you.  It’s you.  That’s right.  It’s ourselves.  It’s me.  It’s you.  It’s absolutely positively ourselves.

Unfortunately, so many of us have negative inner chatter. As men and Dads, we have a tendency to put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves. We can’t screw up. Not even once. We need to be exceptional. No, we need to be more than exceptional. We need to be perfect.

I want you to take a moment and really think about your daily inner chatter. What do you say to yourself quietly? Do you build yourself up or tear yourself down?  Learning how to defeat fear is absolutely critical to the success of our dad journey.

Most of us have a voice that can tear us down

  •             It’s the voice that constantly tells you that you are doing it all wrong
  •             It tells you that you are not enough
  •             You are not a lovable person

  •             You don’t deserve something or someone
  •             You can’t

  •             You never will

  •             You aren’t good at your job

This inner self-talk not only destroys our enjoyment of being a good dad, but all aspects of life.  Your inner self-talk can magnify our fear as a father.

Our Worst Fear as a Father

I will let you in on a secret: There is one ultimate fear we humans share. It is a fear that we all have in common whether you are a father, a mother, a son, a daughter, a grandparent, an employee, or a business owner. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. We ALL share the same ultimate fear that is so incredibly deeply rooted. If you look at “things” in life that we are afraid of, it literally all boils down to just ONE CORE FEAR.

And here it is:

“THE FEAR THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH”

Think about it for a moment: Take anything that you are afraid of or something that is causing you stress. For instance, think about your job for a minute. What really scares you or stresses you out about your job?

You might say:

  • “It’s the workload…it’s hard for me to keep up.” 

  •  “I lost a customer or a big client. How will I make up for that?” 

  •  “I am afraid of making a mistake and being let go.” 
  •   “My boss is always all over my case.” 


Then ask yourself why you stress about that in particular? It’s because at the root of that perceived stress there is an underlying fear that “YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH AT YOUR JOB AND YOU WON’T BE NEEDED and THEREFORE LET GO.”

Fear as a father and troubled relationships

Think about a troubled relationship. What really scares and causes you stress about a troubled relationship? Certain things may come to mind such as: 


  •        “We fight about everything.” 

  •        “I feel like I am being taken for granted.” 

  •        “I feel I am not respected.” 

  •        “I don’t get the affection that I truly desire.” 

  •        “I don’t get the recognition and appreciation that I deserve.” 


All of these perceived stressors can be rooted in one common FEAR: ”Ultimately, I am not enough for this other person, they won’t love me, and will leave.” 
Are you beginning to see a pattern here? 


The Solution to Defeating your Worst Fear as a Father:

In order to change this debilitating fear that all humans share, we must do two things.

First, we have to change the story we keep telling ourselves over and over.  We have to re-write our story of defeat and replace it with a winning mentality.

The real question is how to defeat fear?

Second, you need to develop a daily and weekly strategy to sharpen the necessary skills for a fulfilling life and fatherhood journey.

Check out this episode and grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge for several solutions that will empower several aspects of your life…not just fatherhood…but all areas.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!