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overcoming adversity

How Overcoming Adversity Can Make You a Better Dad with Nick Dinardo

Nick Dinardo draws on adversity to inform and inspire his life as a podcaster, personal performance coach, author, and dad.

Nick Dinardo is an entrepreneur, a consultant, and a public speaker who focuses on resilience, personal growth, and education. Nick is the author of bestselling book The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices to Turn Life’s Toughest Moments into Your Greatest Opportunities. He is also the host of The Sweet Adversity Podcast and has interviewed hundreds of experts on overcoming adversity, dealing with trauma and stress, and the critical role it plays in our cognitive development.

Nick has dealt with adversity his entire life. At the age of seven, his family went from the American dream to a foreclosed home, divorce, and mental illness. He spent a year sleeping on the floor in a one room apartment where his family shared a kitchen with seventeen other families.

Nick had a great dad, but was angry at his father for not understanding his mom and her mental illness. He still hoped and dreamed his parents would fall in love again, but that never happened. They moved from place to place until his mom got her life back together. During this disruptive time, Nick turned to sports for role models of those who went through hard times and still became great, successful people.

Sports is a microcosm of life

Nick Dinardo’s book, The Game of Adversity, uses sports as a Trojan horse to explore the psychological aspects of adversity and how high performers focus on process, not outcome. Coaches like John Wooden and Bill Belichick implemented this idea in their methods. Wooden made his players adhere to a very strict routine and told them not to think about basketball outside of practice. Belichick didn’t care about the score so much as he did about the team and their cognitive skill development. If the players prepared through the process, the win would come without consciously focusing on the goal.

Focusing on goals can make us unhappy

Goals are anti-presence because you’re focused on the end instead of what’s going on right in front of you. You can’t enjoy the moment because you’re always looking to the future, but you can establish a new norm for yourself and stop waiting till you reach any of your goals to be happy.

We have a choice

Men have evolved to be very results-focused, and we feel like a failure when we don’t achieve our goals. This creates stress and our response effects our cortisol levels, which effects our sleep and the function of our bodies. It triggers a chain reaction that goes all the way into how we treat people and how we approach our day.

Fighting our natural instincts to relentlessly push for our goals is tough, but when faced with a stressful situation, we can actually train ourselves how to respond in a positive proactive way instead of a negative reactive way.

Kids overcoming adversity

Nick says what’s important for kids to overcome extreme adversity is a positive relationship with one adult. Despite the hardship his family went through when he was young, he had a solid social circle of caring adults that acted as a foundation of strength.

Dad wisdom after a childhood of adversity

Nick Dinardo is the new dad of a 5-month-old boy. When Nick thinks about the things his father did for him, one thing stands out. It comes down to love. He remembers his dad always gave him hugs in kisses, even in front of his friends. His dad always told him he loved him multiple times a day. Nick says not to worry about the parenting books and the latest trends. When it comes to being a good dad, all things fall into place from love.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Get a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

Connect with Nick Dinardo

FREE gift for GDP listeners! Click here for your Adversity Toolbox.

Website – NickDinardo.com

Amazon – The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices To Turn Life’s Toughest Moments Into Your Greatest Opportunities

The Sweet Adversity Podcast

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Create an Unbeatable Mind, Body, and Become Sealfit with Mark Divine

Mark Divine will make you challenge yourself. This is the consistent message of Mark Divine, founder of SEALFit, author of Unbeatable Mind and Kokoro Yoga-Warrior Yoga. Right now, you are capable of more than you are right now. Mark Divine continues to prove this with countless client success stories; the GDP’s own Larry Hagner is living proof.

 

Physical and Mental Fitness

Mark Divine been with us before. In our previous interview with him, Mark talked about having an Unbeatable Mind through a mission, vision and power statement (this sounds familiar because we’ve incorporated it in quite a few podcasts!). In this episode, Mark expands the conversation to the physical aspect. One does not outweigh the other, as a matter of fact, mind, body and spirit are one in this practice.

 

What in the WOD are you talking about??

Coming from his Navy SEAL background as well as his own research, Mark has developed a physical program that is both mentally and physically challenging. The beauty of the program is it can be customized to every fitness level. Based on an idea similar to CrossFit, Mark’s SEALFit program combines the intensity of a CrossFit program with the mental focus of yoga. Worried about injuries associated with CrossFit programs? Mark’s got that covered, too! He’s put in safeguards, mentally and physically, to help you stay injury-free.

 

Take Your Game Up a Notch

So, maybe you are already in great shape or you simply want to find a workout program that fits your busy schedule. Mark’s program is sustainable and meets every experience level. And that guilt about taking time for yourself (remember, we had this conversation last week)? Turn that guilt to viewing this as a way to make yourself the best version of yourself in order to serve others. This is a message we continually drive home: you cannot show up as your best self if you do not take care of you first.

 

Resources:

JOIN US FOR FOR THE SEALFIT 2oX on June 24th at Vail Lake, CA HERE.  Use “GOODDAD10” for the coupon code and save 10%

Checkout Unbeatable Mind Online

REGISTER FOR “THE DRIVEN FOR EXCELLENCE SUMMIT”  Register ==>HERE<==

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Mark Divine:

Books:

Links for Mark:

courage

How to Feed Your Courage and Starve Your Fear

COURAGE is something every dad needs more of…the question becomes:  “How do we develop more of it?”

We can’t out run stress. It’s simply a fact of our daily lives. The idea that we “eliminate” stress from our life sounds great, but that means cutting out the parts that are most meaningful. Think about it: the parts of our lives that make us who we really are come from areas that bring stress: our work, our kids, our significant others. These aren’t “bad” stressors, but they are part of our lives. It’s not a matter of cutting these areas out, but a matter of how we handle them.

 

Always Darkest Before the Dawn

 

Truth. All too often, we get caught up in the negativity of our circumstances and fail to see what good might actually come out of them. Our mind will take us where we lead it. If we choose to ask questions like “why did this happen to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?” we certainly will find ourselves at the end of a self-destructive spiral of pity and self-loathing. Yuck, we’ve all been there. But, if we choose instead to view a circumstance from a state of abundance instead of scarcity, we just might see that our “negative” circumstances have a lot to teach us.

 

What are You Feeding?

 

Our attitude about stress is all about what we choose to feed: fear or courage. We’ve talked about feeding the Fear or the Courage Wolf before and this is exactly what we have been encouraging. Choosing to nurture the Courage Wolf through affirmation statements gives us the strength to get through the circumstance and persevere. Whereas feeding the Fear Wolf only strengthens our stress, making us anxious and eventually paralyzing us from taking any positive action.

 

Choosing the Statement

 

It doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple phrase like, “I’ve got this” in moments of even the greatest doubts will trigger our minds to think in a state of positive action. Navy Seals even use these statements to get through their most difficult moments in training and the field (see the Mark Divine episode for more!). Like anything in life, how we confront stress is how our mind and body will respond. What it boils down to is the fact that we simply don’t give our minds enough credit for what they are really capable of.

 

It’s About the Questions

 

And what it also comes down to are the questions we ask ourselves. Really, how positive is it to ask ourselves, “what did I do to get here?”. After this question, your mind will tell you EXACTLY what you did to get “here”. Because our minds go where we ask them to go, we tend to lead them down a negative path with this line of questioning. A better, more positive question might be, “what can I learn from this event?”. Through this type of questioning we will find ourselves better poised to handle whatever the stressor might be and learn from it for the next time around.

 

We’ve just touched the surface here. Knowing that we, as men, face the societal challenge to be strong and unbending, we tend to shy away from anything that others might perceive as “weak”. But instead of suffering in silence from these stressors, learning to reprogram how we deal with them will only strengthen our relationships and better our lives.

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 THE FLOW CHART MENTIONED

courage

temper

Five Ways to Control our Temper as Dads


Ah, Clark Griswold; the preeminent example of a father and husband with the best of intentions, but reaction challenged when it comes to dealing with life’s hurdles and controlling his temper. Of course he wants the best for his family: from great vacations to Wally World to finding the biggest Christmas tree. Unfortunately, on his quest to be the “perfect father”, he tends to respond in anger and frustration when things don’t go the way he plans. Sound typical? Ok, so maybe Griswold is a bit extreme (or maybe not), but you have more than likely had a moment or two when frustration has gotten the best of you. Larry and Shawn provide 5 easy ways to keep your anger and frustration at bay.

Your Temper and the “Perfect Father Myth”

Before we go any further, let’s dispel the “perfect father” myth; there is no perfect father, doesn’t exist. We’re human, have emotions and sometimes, those emotions get the better of us and that’s okay. As Larry says, “great fathers have bad moments”, it’s what you do in those moments that build your character and provide a positive example for those around you, specifically your children.

Controlling our Temper Means Knowing our Triggers

So, what’s a guy to do when it seems like the world is pushing all of your buttons? Know your triggers. Maybe it’s repeating yourself to get your kids to pick up after themselves or you’ve just come home from a full day of work and you are barraged with requests to help with homework and the kids. Whatever your triggers, identify them so that you can do what you need to do to prepare yourself ahead of time and following these 5 ideas might just help diffuse your response:

Temper Tip #1:  Breathe

Be able to take a breath. Not just that little hyperventilating breath, either. This breath needs to be a nice, long, drawn breath, enough to calm you and bring you back to a state of peace. It should allow you to reset yourself and prepare you to deal with the situation at hand in a rational manner.

Temper Tip #2:  Walk Away

Walk away. In the heat of the moment, our adrenaline may make us want to stay in the situation and argue. But cooler heads do prevail, walking away when we feel our blood boiling will keep us from saying things we may later regret. Not only that, walking away gives us a chance to get perspective on the situation. Adrenaline only muddies the waters.

Temper Tip #3:  Stay Active

Stay active. If there’s one concept that is driven home on a regular basis on the GDP, it’s the benefits of exercise and overall health. In the case of anger and frustration, physical activity can also help us to channel this aggression into something more positive. So, there’s really a dual benefit: your anger remains at bay and you stay fit!

Temper Tip #4:  Surround Yourself with the RIGHT People

Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Enough said. You need a sounding board that has been through similar experiences and can give you either advice or a simple listening ear.

Temper Tip #5:  When you do Lose your Cool, Apologize

Finally, when you do lose your cool, apologize. Even if it goes against everything you feel like doing, an apology goes a long way in repairing a bridge that may be a little singed. Apologies disarm people and pave the way to build a relationship into a stronger force.

Forget about Perfection

Forget the “perfect father” myth. Let it remain just that: a myth. We are human, prone to the same emotions of all other humans; it’s what we do with those emotions that make us who we truly are.

Resources:

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

 

Links

Thanks for checking out this week’s podcast on Five Ways to Control Our Temper as Dads.

Drew Manning On Health and Fitness

How Your Health and Fitness Impacts Your Kids and Relationships with Drew Manning – GDP022

Episode Overview

We had the pleasure of interviewing New York Times Best Seller, Personal Trainer, and all-around amazing dad, Drew Manning.

In this episode, Drew teaches us how our health can have a direct impact on every aspect of our life.  Drew went on an incredible twelve-month journey from being incredibly fit at 190 pounds,  low body fat, and peak physique state to gaining 70 pounds and completely out of shape in six months.  He then took the ladder six months in his twelve-month journey and got back into shape at a lean 190 pounds once again.

Drew

In his bestselling book, “Fit 2 Fat 2 Fit” he explains his journey in detail and how getting completely out of shape impacted every aspect of his life.  By going on this journey, it has made Drew a better trainer and life coach for his clients.  He has been a fit athlete his whole life.  When he took six months to walk in the shoes of the typical American diet and lifestyle, he quickly learned how devastating it can be.

Key Takeaways:

  • You will discover what the typical American diet did to Drew’s health and well-being
  • How this journey impacted his Dad journey
  • How he got himself back into shape after gaining 70 pounds and not stepping into a gym for six months.
  • Drew gives essential strategies of how you can balance parenthood and self-care
  • Why taking care of your health is one of the best investments you can make as a parent

“I have always been a guy who loved sports growing up.  I was a football player and a wrestler during most of my years growing up.  I have always had a passion for health and fitness.  When I became a personal trainer, I noticed there was a “disconnect” from time to time with my clients.  Since I have eaten healthy most of my life, I have never really understood how addictive processed foods could be.  It wasn’t until I decided to go on my six-month journey of eating unhealthy and not working out did I fully understand what my clients were going through.” – Drew Manning

Drew ManningDrew Manning purposively decided to take six months and become an unhealthy individual.  He didn’t really eat fast food, but he did stop eating veggies, stopped going to the gym, and simply ate the typical American diet for six months straight.  He simply ate things like chips, soda, cereal, mac and cheese, pizza, burgers, etc.  He completely got away from his healthy lifestyle.

The impact of gaining 70 pounds in six months

Drew explains how gaining 70 pounds impacted his enjoyment of being a father and husband.  He admitted that he had a much harder time playing with his two-year-old daughter.  He got tired a lot faster than usual.  He also noticed that when he would need to take breaks from playing and that his daughter would get her feelings hurt.  He also noticed he argued with his wife a bit more than usual.  Finally, he really noticed his self-esteem really took a beating as well.

Drew’s journey back to being fit:

After Drew Manning gained 70 pounds within the first six months, it was now time to get back to his healthy lifestyle.  He started eating healthy again, but didn’t set foot in the gym for the first thirty days.  He lost nearly twenty pounds within the first thirty days.  The fact that he lost twenty pounds in the first thirty days demonstrates how proper nutrition can truly make a huge impact.

Why it is critical that parents take care of themselves first

Drew openly talks about why parents need to take care of themselves first.  Most parents feel a sense of guilt and shame at the very thought of taking time away from family to take care of their health.  In reality, taking time to take care of your health is the most unselfish thing you can do for your family.  When you put your health as a top priority, you are setting your parenting journey up for ultimate success.

When you feel better, you will show up better for your kids.  When you have optimal health, your relationships will improve tremendously.  Don’t use your kids as a reason to not take care of yourself.  When it comes to being an amazing mom or dad, quality is better than quantity.  Its better to have thirty minutes of high quality time with your kids versus sixty minutes of low quality time.  If you really want to improve the quality of life with the whole family, include the kids in your healthy lifestyle.  Stay active and eat healthy as a whole family.

 

Books Mentioned In This Episode

Thank You!

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