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How to be the rock for your kids

How to Be the Rock for Your Kids

As much as we want to encourage our kids to do their best, we might be unintentionally causing them undue stress. That is why it’s crucial – whether in sports, school, or life – that our kids see the same us when they look to us for support.


This means that no matter what our kids are going through, we should always be a safe place for them to turn to. We have to be aware of our reactions. When our kids fail, will we look ashamed or disappointed? Do we tell them what they should’ve done? Do we seem overly protective? Or will we always be open, receptive, listening – the rock for our kids?

 

Referenced Episode: How to Instill the Growth Mindset in Your Kids with Larry Yatch


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Why Kids Quit Sports

The Hidden Secrets to Why Kids Quit Sports

Playing sports teaches our kids life lessons, but today, 70% of kids quit sports by the age of thirteen. We’re going to Coach Jim and Coach Steve from Coach Baseball Right to talk about the hidden secrets to why kids quit sports and how we, as parents or coaches, can change our strategies to encourage and motivate them in the right way.

The shocking trend is that most kids quit sports before high school. Many kids give up because they don’t view it as fun or do not get along with the coach. How can we dads encourage our own athletes or coach a whole team?

We all have the best intentions with our kids, but what if our encouraging words weren’t so encouraging, and what we’re saying isn’t what they’re hearing? What if we actually put more pressure on them?

Where We Get It Wrong

We want kids to win. Of course, we do. We shout in the stands and push them to work hard, but we make a mistake when we focus on the result. There will be inevitable losses and disappointments. When our kids feel the only point of playing sports is competing and winning, they lose interest when they can’t meet these expectations. The best way to begin changing this mindset is to ask ourselves, what do we want our kids to get out of sports?

In the popular youth sports culture today, many parents want kids to play sports for the future. They use games and events as a place to showcase their kid’s skills. They make sure their children are among the best players to have better chances for exposure to get into college. It’s not even about the team anymore, but the individual.

This takes the fun out of sports. The things parents hope they’re going to achieve and the money they’re spending for a collegiate sport experience are often unrealistic. Most kids will not grow up to be a professional athlete, and it might be better to ease up on the performance pressure and focus on enjoying the journey.

We Miss What Sport Can Do for Our Kids

The real reason for getting our kids into sports is to see that they’re happy, healthy, and running around. They are experiencing difficult life lessons, learning to be part of a team, and learning how to win and lose.

For many parents, the instinct is to protect kids from feeling failure or disappointment. Other parents go crazy in the stands and want their kids to win no matter what.  Some parents feel shame or anger when their kids lose. They feel it’s a reflection on them and their parenting. This type of approach to sports is damaging. Children need to fail to learn. They also need to know they are loved and valued whether they win or lose. Winning is great, but not the most important thing. The key is to set helpful expectations.

Parents need to check their ego

As parents, we need to check our ego and remember that it’s not our time. It’s our kids’ time. It’s all about them, not about us or our ideas of what we want for them.

Anticipate beforehand that our kid is going to make mistakes, and whenever they do, they’re going to look up at us to see our reaction. No matter what happens, the most important thing to remember is this:

Your kid should always see the same you. Win or lose, when they look up, make sure you’re there with an encouraging smile.

We shouldn’t tell them where they went wrong, or berate them for mistakes. They will not take a chance on a shot or play if we look upset with their performance. We must simply enjoy the game, and be there for them. When it’s over, say “I really enjoyed watching you play.” Kids need to know the most important thing is 100% effort, and that we had fun and are proud of them for taking risks and giving it their all.

Our Monumental Roles as Mentors and Coaches

We undervalue the impact we have on kids’ lives, but just think about the impact coaches and mentors have had on your development. How did the good ones help you? How did the bad ones affect you? We need a better awareness of the cost of the decisions we’re making so that we’re more mindful of how we behave.

We must take the higher road for our kids. Our coaching should leave them so that they want more at the end of a season, not be glad that it’s over.

Coaches need to have honest talks with parents about expectations. We need to help all those people who are well-meaning but got it all wrong. There’s human way to handle it and a right way. Our children are watching how we behave. We need to set an honorable example.

Know why you’re there

Sports are to help kids prepare for life. Yes, we want to win, but we must focus on developing our kids. If we know why we’re there – to enjoy the ups and downs, the challenges, and the learning process – all our actions will fall into place. We’ll be aware of when we’re hard on our kids for making mistakes, and this will keep the ego in check. We need to give kids the chance to be successful on their own.

Don’t miss the teachable moments

There are opportunities to teach when bad things happen. We don’t want to miss the chance to use them as a lesson and set a good example. We must take advantage of a teachable moment. After the game, we can share what we did and why.

Dad Wisdom

From Coach Steve: Don’t try to keep your kids from failing. Just be there for them.

From Coach Jim: Try to see the world from your kids’ eyes. Things will go smoother and you can enjoy being a dad more.

 

Referenced episode: Breaking the World of Impossible with Todd Stottlemyre

 

Learn how to coach baseball right with 7 days of FREE access.

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Guest Links

CoachBaseballRight.com

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overcoming adversity

How Overcoming Adversity Can Make You a Better Dad with Nick Dinardo

Nick Dinardo draws on adversity to inform and inspire his life as a podcaster, personal performance coach, author, and dad.

Nick Dinardo is an entrepreneur, a consultant, and a public speaker who focuses on resilience, personal growth, and education. Nick is the author of bestselling book The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices to Turn Life’s Toughest Moments into Your Greatest Opportunities. He is also the host of The Sweet Adversity Podcast and has interviewed hundreds of experts on overcoming adversity, dealing with trauma and stress, and the critical role it plays in our cognitive development.

Nick has dealt with adversity his entire life. At the age of seven, his family went from the American dream to a foreclosed home, divorce, and mental illness. He spent a year sleeping on the floor in a one room apartment where his family shared a kitchen with seventeen other families.

Nick had a great dad, but was angry at his father for not understanding his mom and her mental illness. He still hoped and dreamed his parents would fall in love again, but that never happened. They moved from place to place until his mom got her life back together. During this disruptive time, Nick turned to sports for role models of those who went through hard times and still became great, successful people.

Sports is a microcosm of life

Nick Dinardo’s book, The Game of Adversity, uses sports as a Trojan horse to explore the psychological aspects of adversity and how high performers focus on process, not outcome. Coaches like John Wooden and Bill Belichick implemented this idea in their methods. Wooden made his players adhere to a very strict routine and told them not to think about basketball outside of practice. Belichick didn’t care about the score so much as he did about the team and their cognitive skill development. If the players prepared through the process, the win would come without consciously focusing on the goal.

Focusing on goals can make us unhappy

Goals are anti-presence because you’re focused on the end instead of what’s going on right in front of you. You can’t enjoy the moment because you’re always looking to the future, but you can establish a new norm for yourself and stop waiting till you reach any of your goals to be happy.

We have a choice

Men have evolved to be very results-focused, and we feel like a failure when we don’t achieve our goals. This creates stress and our response effects our cortisol levels, which effects our sleep and the function of our bodies. It triggers a chain reaction that goes all the way into how we treat people and how we approach our day.

Fighting our natural instincts to relentlessly push for our goals is tough, but when faced with a stressful situation, we can actually train ourselves how to respond in a positive proactive way instead of a negative reactive way.

Kids overcoming adversity

Nick says what’s important for kids to overcome extreme adversity is a positive relationship with one adult. Despite the hardship his family went through when he was young, he had a solid social circle of caring adults that acted as a foundation of strength.

Dad wisdom after a childhood of adversity

Nick Dinardo is the new dad of a 5-month-old boy. When Nick thinks about the things his father did for him, one thing stands out. It comes down to love. He remembers his dad always gave him hugs in kisses, even in front of his friends. His dad always told him he loved him multiple times a day. Nick says not to worry about the parenting books and the latest trends. When it comes to being a good dad, all things fall into place from love.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Get a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

Connect with Nick Dinardo

FREE gift for GDP listeners! Click here for your Adversity Toolbox.

Website – NickDinardo.com

Amazon – The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices To Turn Life’s Toughest Moments Into Your Greatest Opportunities

The Sweet Adversity Podcast

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Create an Unbeatable Mind, Body, and Become Sealfit with Mark Divine

Mark Divine will make you challenge yourself. This is the consistent message of Mark Divine, founder of SEALFit, author of Unbeatable Mind and Kokoro Yoga-Warrior Yoga. Right now, you are capable of more than you are right now. Mark Divine continues to prove this with countless client success stories; the GDP’s own Larry Hagner is living proof.

 

Physical and Mental Fitness

Mark Divine been with us before. In our previous interview with him, Mark talked about having an Unbeatable Mind through a mission, vision and power statement (this sounds familiar because we’ve incorporated it in quite a few podcasts!). In this episode, Mark expands the conversation to the physical aspect. One does not outweigh the other, as a matter of fact, mind, body and spirit are one in this practice.

 

What in the WOD are you talking about??

Coming from his Navy SEAL background as well as his own research, Mark has developed a physical program that is both mentally and physically challenging. The beauty of the program is it can be customized to every fitness level. Based on an idea similar to CrossFit, Mark’s SEALFit program combines the intensity of a CrossFit program with the mental focus of yoga. Worried about injuries associated with CrossFit programs? Mark’s got that covered, too! He’s put in safeguards, mentally and physically, to help you stay injury-free.

 

Take Your Game Up a Notch

So, maybe you are already in great shape or you simply want to find a workout program that fits your busy schedule. Mark’s program is sustainable and meets every experience level. And that guilt about taking time for yourself (remember, we had this conversation last week)? Turn that guilt to viewing this as a way to make yourself the best version of yourself in order to serve others. This is a message we continually drive home: you cannot show up as your best self if you do not take care of you first.

 

Resources:

JOIN US FOR FOR THE SEALFIT 2oX on June 24th at Vail Lake, CA HERE.  Use “GOODDAD10” for the coupon code and save 10%

Checkout Unbeatable Mind Online

REGISTER FOR “THE DRIVEN FOR EXCELLENCE SUMMIT”  Register ==>HERE<==

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Mark Divine:

Books:

Links for Mark:

courage

How to Feed Your Courage and Starve Your Fear

COURAGE is something every dad needs more of…the question becomes:  “How do we develop more of it?”

We can’t out run stress. It’s simply a fact of our daily lives. The idea that we “eliminate” stress from our life sounds great, but that means cutting out the parts that are most meaningful. Think about it: the parts of our lives that make us who we really are come from areas that bring stress: our work, our kids, our significant others. These aren’t “bad” stressors, but they are part of our lives. It’s not a matter of cutting these areas out, but a matter of how we handle them.

 

Always Darkest Before the Dawn

 

Truth. All too often, we get caught up in the negativity of our circumstances and fail to see what good might actually come out of them. Our mind will take us where we lead it. If we choose to ask questions like “why did this happen to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?” we certainly will find ourselves at the end of a self-destructive spiral of pity and self-loathing. Yuck, we’ve all been there. But, if we choose instead to view a circumstance from a state of abundance instead of scarcity, we just might see that our “negative” circumstances have a lot to teach us.

 

What are You Feeding?

 

Our attitude about stress is all about what we choose to feed: fear or courage. We’ve talked about feeding the Fear or the Courage Wolf before and this is exactly what we have been encouraging. Choosing to nurture the Courage Wolf through affirmation statements gives us the strength to get through the circumstance and persevere. Whereas feeding the Fear Wolf only strengthens our stress, making us anxious and eventually paralyzing us from taking any positive action.

 

Choosing the Statement

 

It doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple phrase like, “I’ve got this” in moments of even the greatest doubts will trigger our minds to think in a state of positive action. Navy Seals even use these statements to get through their most difficult moments in training and the field (see the Mark Divine episode for more!). Like anything in life, how we confront stress is how our mind and body will respond. What it boils down to is the fact that we simply don’t give our minds enough credit for what they are really capable of.

 

It’s About the Questions

 

And what it also comes down to are the questions we ask ourselves. Really, how positive is it to ask ourselves, “what did I do to get here?”. After this question, your mind will tell you EXACTLY what you did to get “here”. Because our minds go where we ask them to go, we tend to lead them down a negative path with this line of questioning. A better, more positive question might be, “what can I learn from this event?”. Through this type of questioning we will find ourselves better poised to handle whatever the stressor might be and learn from it for the next time around.

 

We’ve just touched the surface here. Knowing that we, as men, face the societal challenge to be strong and unbending, we tend to shy away from anything that others might perceive as “weak”. But instead of suffering in silence from these stressors, learning to reprogram how we deal with them will only strengthen our relationships and better our lives.

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 THE FLOW CHART MENTIONED

courage