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veteran fathers

Honoring Our Veteran Fathers

Veteran Fathers have a special place in our heart.

For this show, it is just a THANK YOU from the Good Dad Project to our men (especially dads) and women who defend our country.  THANK YOU for putting your life on the line and defending the freedoms that we enjoy.

Thank you for all you do!  Thank you for your service!

Larry Hagner

 

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Shane Ramer

Overcoming Addition and Becoming a Dad with Purpose with Shane Ramer


Shane Ramer, founder and host of That Sober Guy Podcast, comes on the GDP and shares an extremely raw interview on addiction, substance abuse, recovery, and being a dad with purpose.  Brace yourself for this amazing interview with Shane Ramer.

It’s the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it’s there, but no one wants to say anything; better to keep the status quo than rock the boat. No one knows what will happen if the boat is rocked and that is scary. At the same time, we hate the elephant; it is destroying our family, our other relationships and possibly our job. The elephant is addiction and addiction is hard to admit. Shane Ramer, founder of thatsoberguy.com, knows this reality all too well.

 

Shane Ramer’s Childhood and Background

Growing up, Shane turned to alcohol to soothe the pain he endured dealing with a troubled childhood. As he became an adult, Shane realized that he was using alcohol to escape life’s realities and soon came face-to-face with the fact that his own marriage was struggling because of it. He hit a wall. He could not longer stand the elephant in the room. With that, he sat down with his wife and said he needed help. Shane knew he was meant for something much more than where he was.

 

Going through intensive counseling and support from his family and friends, Shane learned to manage his life as an alcoholic. Knowing that he wasn’t the only one struggling, Shane started thatsoberguy.com in order to help other men struggling with similar issues. Today, Shane is a successful businessman, husband and father, dedicated to helping men voice their fears that keep them in the bonds of addiction.

 

But I’m Not an Addict

 

We’re not saying you are, but the lessons Shane discusses reach to all men. Society is great at telling boys that real men don’t cry, “suck it up” and never show emotion. So what do you do with all that pent-up emotion? Maybe you already have a healthy way of showing emotion, or maybe you need a little liquid courage to loosen up or just maybe you can’t get to work in the morning without your daily beer. Wherever you are on the spectrum, the learning to deal with fears and emotions without bottling them up will make you and those around you much happier.

 

It’s Ok to Talk About It

 

Again, we men are great at helping others solve their problems. That’s what we think we are here for. Our own problems? What problems? Oh! You mean the ones we don’t talk about? Well, we’ll be fine. Will we? Take a look at your own life and think about areas where your bottled-up emotions eat away at your true self. What is the worst thing that is going to happen if you talk to someone about your issues? You actually may deal with them? Whoa. What about your Man Card? Guess what, it’s safe and secure and probably in better condition than it was when you kept your fears and feelings to yourself.

 

Be A Man

 

Being a man means owning up to all areas of our lives. Even our fears. Showing up as the best dad, husband, employee and friend takes guts. Owning our issues takes even more guts and grit. You’ve got it in you, so be the best man you can be right now.

Resources:

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Shane Ramer:

Shane Ramer Twitter

Shane Ramer Website

Shane Ramer That Sober Guy Podcast

Shane Ramer Private FB Page (invite/request entry only)

courage

How to Feed Your Courage and Starve Your Fear

COURAGE is something every dad needs more of…the question becomes:  “How do we develop more of it?”

We can’t out run stress. It’s simply a fact of our daily lives. The idea that we “eliminate” stress from our life sounds great, but that means cutting out the parts that are most meaningful. Think about it: the parts of our lives that make us who we really are come from areas that bring stress: our work, our kids, our significant others. These aren’t “bad” stressors, but they are part of our lives. It’s not a matter of cutting these areas out, but a matter of how we handle them.

 

Always Darkest Before the Dawn

 

Truth. All too often, we get caught up in the negativity of our circumstances and fail to see what good might actually come out of them. Our mind will take us where we lead it. If we choose to ask questions like “why did this happen to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?” we certainly will find ourselves at the end of a self-destructive spiral of pity and self-loathing. Yuck, we’ve all been there. But, if we choose instead to view a circumstance from a state of abundance instead of scarcity, we just might see that our “negative” circumstances have a lot to teach us.

 

What are You Feeding?

 

Our attitude about stress is all about what we choose to feed: fear or courage. We’ve talked about feeding the Fear or the Courage Wolf before and this is exactly what we have been encouraging. Choosing to nurture the Courage Wolf through affirmation statements gives us the strength to get through the circumstance and persevere. Whereas feeding the Fear Wolf only strengthens our stress, making us anxious and eventually paralyzing us from taking any positive action.

 

Choosing the Statement

 

It doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple phrase like, “I’ve got this” in moments of even the greatest doubts will trigger our minds to think in a state of positive action. Navy Seals even use these statements to get through their most difficult moments in training and the field (see the Mark Divine episode for more!). Like anything in life, how we confront stress is how our mind and body will respond. What it boils down to is the fact that we simply don’t give our minds enough credit for what they are really capable of.

 

It’s About the Questions

 

And what it also comes down to are the questions we ask ourselves. Really, how positive is it to ask ourselves, “what did I do to get here?”. After this question, your mind will tell you EXACTLY what you did to get “here”. Because our minds go where we ask them to go, we tend to lead them down a negative path with this line of questioning. A better, more positive question might be, “what can I learn from this event?”. Through this type of questioning we will find ourselves better poised to handle whatever the stressor might be and learn from it for the next time around.

 

We’ve just touched the surface here. Knowing that we, as men, face the societal challenge to be strong and unbending, we tend to shy away from anything that others might perceive as “weak”. But instead of suffering in silence from these stressors, learning to reprogram how we deal with them will only strengthen our relationships and better our lives.

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 THE FLOW CHART MENTIONED

courage

forging strength

Forging Strength in Our Darkest Hour


Forging Strength in your darkest hour!

I have gotten a ton of feedback from our last podcast on “How to Discover Daily Grit and Gratitude.”  From what I have heard, most people were surprised that my family went through such a life altering event by losing my son Gabriel.

 

I have had a lot of emails, texts, and communication through the GDP community about how much the last episode effected them personally.  What I am finding is that there is a vast majority of families out there who are afflicted with miscarriage or death of an infant.  I have even had questions asking why I have opened my life up so much about what happened during that six weeks and how it ended.

 

The bottom line is this…I shared it for several reasons.

 

It’s Healing

When we go through something that is literally life altering it changes us forever.  It’s easy to fall into a mindset up anger.  It’s also very common that an event like what our family went through can easily tear the strongest families apart.  When we share the events of our life to give strength to others, we heal.  Simple as that.  When we heal, we help heal others through our own struggles.

 

Forging Strength of the Family

Losing my son not only effected me, but it also effected my entire family.  My wife and two older sons took the loss of our son very hard.  To be honest, I underestimated how much it would effect my two oldest boys (Ethan 10 and Mason 8).  I can tell you without a doubt a ten year-old and an eight-year old child feels the devastating effects of loss when something like this happens.  However, here we are eighteen months later and I can tell you without a doubt our family is stronger now than it ever has been.

 

Forging Strength through Gratitude

My family learned firsthand the power of the right perspective even in our darkest hour.  Our family literally went through six weeks of hell that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  Knowing you are going to lose your son will rattle even the strongest man.  However, I learned the power of having the right perspective in the midst of absolute uncertainty.  I kept a daily gratitude journal during this six-week long process and I believe it literally saved me from insanity.

 

Take 5 Minutes of Gratitude Every Morning

Every morning during that six-week journey, I wrote down three things that I was grateful for every morning.  I can tell you without a doubt, that most mornings it was very hard to see the positive aspects in my life.  However, I can tell you without a doubt that there were several things in my life that were positive.  It took a great deal of discipline to decide to focus on the right things in my life despite the chaos.  I would write down things like:

  • “I’m grateful I have a job.”
  • “I’m grateful my three boys and my wife all have their health.”
  • “I’m grateful we have a roof over our head.”

I will admit, on some days I stretched to find gratitude.  However, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, it was the best thing I did every morning.

 

My Hope for You

I share this story and this daily routine of:

Morning Gratitude – write down 3 things you are grateful for

Your Power Statement – write down your statement that you will use when the fear wolf starts to whisper in your ear.

Your Mission of the Day – what will you do today.  Come hell or high water, what will you accomplish today?

 

Evening Gratitude – write down 2-3 highlights through the day.  Get back into the mindset of gratitude.  The highlights are there every day if we decide to reflect on them.

Eradicate Regret from your Life – What was the lowest point of your day?  Write it down.  Get it out there.  Now, instead of focusing on how deeply you regret that low point, ask yourself “what is the lesson?”

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Thanks for checking out this week’s Five Minute Thursday Episode on Forging Strength in our Darkest Hours.

gratitude

How to Discover Daily Grit and Gratitude


Gratitude is the Secret Sauce to a fulfilled life and is the fuel that develops our grit.

It takes Grit to Climb to the Top

Some of us look at a mountain and immediately think, “Eh-there’s no way I’m climbing that thing.” Others of us will look at the mountain and think, “I’m climbing it. It’s not going to be fun or easy, but I’m climbing it.” To climb that mountain takes grit-the stuff that separates those who do from those who simply watch. Of course, having grit is not necessarily something we inherently have. Sometimes, we have to develop it.

What do you do with Adversity?

Shawn and Larry share their stories of how they developed grit. Both share the pivotal moments where they had a choice: give up or face the mountain. The essence of their stories is this-developing grit is a process, it’s getting up every day and knowing there is a choice. This choice is to live with gratitude, even in the face of extreme adversity.

Why Morning Gratitude is a MUST

Easier said than done, but if we choose to wake up every morning and look at what lies ahead of us with a grateful heart, challenges will seem easier. Larry suggests making daily gratitude deliberate. In other words, one of the first things he suggests doing each morning is writing down what you are grateful for. (He even includes his kids in on the practice and they look forward to doing it!).

What is your ONE MISSION OF THE DAY?

With this in mind, he then suggests creating a daily mission statement. Think about it-when you know what you are going to do, you have a better chance of actually doing it. This mission statement doesn’t have to be profound, it can be something as simple as, “Today I am going to read a book to my kids before bed.” There. Done. And guess what? Mission accomplished.

YOUR POWER STATEMENT!

If you happen to see your day getting off track, your mission statement in jeopardy of being derailed, Larry says he uses his “power statement” to bring him back to home base. This “power statement” is the phrase that you utter to yourself when you feel fear keeping you from climbing up that proverbial mountain. It’s the same thing the Navy Seals use when they face a challenge (for more on this, listen to Episode 28 with Mark Divine. Oh! And he’s coming back!). Choose something simple like, “I’ve got this” or, really, whatever speaks to you.

Eradicate Regret from Your Life with EASE

Even when you have done all of this, there will be times when we won’t be the best versions of ourselves. But, instead of allowing the regret to take over, embrace it. Yep, that’s right, embrace regret (sounds oxymoronic, but stay with us here). Regret can be a great teacher; it can show us where we need to improve. So, when we embrace regret, we not only learn from what we did wrong, but we also know how to improve in future events. This way, you really are eliminating regret from your life by absorbing its lesson.

Back to Gratitude

Finally, when the day is done and you have a chance to reflect on all you have accomplished, look back at two of your most positive moments that day and one regret. Be grateful for each of them, but take a lesson from them as well. Once we learn to master our failures as well as our successes, climbing our many life mountains won’t seem so impossible.

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Thank you for checking out our show on How to Discover Daily Grit and Gratitude.