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better man

How Your Tribe Will Make You a Better Man with Ryan Michler

Ryan Michler is the creator of the Order of Man Community and Podcast, which teaches men how to live with purpose, achieve self-mastery, and create a legacy. Today he tells why it’s important for men to become part of a tribe and how that tribe will help you become a better man.

Ryan Michler and the Order of Man

Ryan Michler’s father left when he was three-years-old. His first step dad was an alcoholic, and though he wasn’t abusive, he was not present as a parent. His second stepfather was successful, but emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative. Still, Ryan didn’t didn’t know what a good dad was supposed to be, so he didn’t know what he was missing. It wasn’t until high school when he saw how his friends’ dads’ behaved that he became aware of the void in his life.

This lack of a father caused Ryan to suffer from a lack of confidence and self-esteem issues. He wanted to be liked and accepted by everyone and changed himself to fit in. After his first marriage failed, he endured the darkest time of his life. He knew he wasn’t operating like a man should. This convinced him to go to work on improving himself.

Now Ryan Michler has been married for twelve years and is a father of four kids. As a dad who grew up without a true father figure, he saw a huge need for learning about what it means to be a man. He started Order of Man to form a tribe of men who can learn from each other and support one another.

Why do men need a tribe?

Women are there for us in a nurturing way, but sometimes we tough love and the insights of other men who have gone what we’ve gone through. Men get emotionally attached to their situations and decisions, it’s difficult to look at our own problems objectively. We need a third-party perspective to give us advice when our thoughts and feelings are clouding our judgement.

How does a tribe work?

Men are raised to be self-reliant and wary of people. We hate to expose our weaknesses or admit when we’re not on top of everything. A tribe is a safe place to share fears and worries about subjects we don’t normally talk about. When we’re going through a time of uncertainty and weakness, we can turn to those with the qualities we’re lacking and learn from them. When we’re feeling strong in life, we can help others by sharing how we’ve overcome a similar experience.

How do we find a tribe?

Operating in packs is how men thrive. To be strong, we need to tie into other people, but it’s up to us to seek out a tribe and be consistent. Ryan suggest dipping your toe in the water. Look at your immediate circle. Who is doing well in areas you’re struggling with? Ask for advice where you see strength in others. Share something light and then build on that. You can also start by joining an online tribe like Order of Man and The Good Dad Project.

Ryan Michler’s Parting Piece of Dad Wisdom

Don’t ever use your kids and family as an excuse not to take care of yourself.

This sounds selfish at first, but it’s actually the most unselfish thing you can do. If you’re constantly draining yourself, you won’t have the mental or physical energy to be a good dad or husband. Begin burned out all the time will build resentment and put a strain on your marriage.

Ryan recommends carving out a time to get together with other men doings something you enjoy. Schedule it in advance. Communicate it to your wife and family so they are in on it you won’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. He also says it won’t work if you just go through the motions. Give your attention fully to the activity so you’re invigorated and mentally restored when you come home. Then you’ll have refilled your tank so you can serve others again.


RESOURCES

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Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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Connect with Ryan Michler

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orderofman.com

Podcast:

Order of Man

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overcoming adversity

How Overcoming Adversity Can Make You a Better Dad with Nick Dinardo

Nick Dinardo draws on adversity to inform and inspire his life as a podcaster, personal performance coach, author, and dad.

Nick Dinardo is an entrepreneur, a consultant, and a public speaker who focuses on resilience, personal growth, and education. Nick is the author of bestselling book The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices to Turn Life’s Toughest Moments into Your Greatest Opportunities. He is also the host of The Sweet Adversity Podcast and has interviewed hundreds of experts on overcoming adversity, dealing with trauma and stress, and the critical role it plays in our cognitive development.

Nick has dealt with adversity his entire life. At the age of seven, his family went from the American dream to a foreclosed home, divorce, and mental illness. He spent a year sleeping on the floor in a one room apartment where his family shared a kitchen with seventeen other families.

Nick had a great dad, but was angry at his father for not understanding his mom and her mental illness. He still hoped and dreamed his parents would fall in love again, but that never happened. They moved from place to place until his mom got her life back together. During this disruptive time, Nick turned to sports for role models of those who went through hard times and still became great, successful people.

Sports is a microcosm of life

Nick Dinardo’s book, The Game of Adversity, uses sports as a Trojan horse to explore the psychological aspects of adversity and how high performers focus on process, not outcome. Coaches like John Wooden and Bill Belichick implemented this idea in their methods. Wooden made his players adhere to a very strict routine and told them not to think about basketball outside of practice. Belichick didn’t care about the score so much as he did about the team and their cognitive skill development. If the players prepared through the process, the win would come without consciously focusing on the goal.

Focusing on goals can make us unhappy

Goals are anti-presence because you’re focused on the end instead of what’s going on right in front of you. You can’t enjoy the moment because you’re always looking to the future, but you can establish a new norm for yourself and stop waiting till you reach any of your goals to be happy.

We have a choice

Men have evolved to be very results-focused, and we feel like a failure when we don’t achieve our goals. This creates stress and our response effects our cortisol levels, which effects our sleep and the function of our bodies. It triggers a chain reaction that goes all the way into how we treat people and how we approach our day.

Fighting our natural instincts to relentlessly push for our goals is tough, but when faced with a stressful situation, we can actually train ourselves how to respond in a positive proactive way instead of a negative reactive way.

Kids overcoming adversity

Nick says what’s important for kids to overcome extreme adversity is a positive relationship with one adult. Despite the hardship his family went through when he was young, he had a solid social circle of caring adults that acted as a foundation of strength.

Dad wisdom after a childhood of adversity

Nick Dinardo is the new dad of a 5-month-old boy. When Nick thinks about the things his father did for him, one thing stands out. It comes down to love. He remembers his dad always gave him hugs in kisses, even in front of his friends. His dad always told him he loved him multiple times a day. Nick says not to worry about the parenting books and the latest trends. When it comes to being a good dad, all things fall into place from love.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Get a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

Connect with Nick Dinardo

FREE gift for GDP listeners! Click here for your Adversity Toolbox.

Website – NickDinardo.com

Amazon – The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices To Turn Life’s Toughest Moments Into Your Greatest Opportunities

The Sweet Adversity Podcast

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how to love a spouse with cancer

How to Love a Spouse with Cancer with Gene Villeneuve

Gene Villeneuve shares his experience with the very difficult subject.

Today on the Good Dad Project, we have Gene Villeneuve, a successful business man who lives in Paris with his wife and two daughters. Last year, his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and they have endured 11 months of emotional exhaustion as she has undergone treatment.

It’s more than likely we’ll all watch one of our loved ones facing a deadly illness during our lives. Gene talks about dealing with the pain and uncertainty of watching a spouse go through cancer treatment while keeping his career in balance and still being a good dad to his kids.

Three things he said were crucial to helping him know how to love a spouse with cancer.

1. Create a community of support.

Husbands of cancer patients tend to feel isolated and alone, but you will also need help. Just because you’re not the one with cancer, doesn’t mean you don’t need support.

2. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Self-care might feel selfish during this time, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t be strong for your family. Exercise, good rest, and downtime are needed to restore your mental and physical reserves.

3. Listen to what your spouse needs.

As men, we might have a tendency to worry about filling in the practical gaps, like the keeping up with dirty laundry or washing the dishes in the sink. But in reality, a spouse with cancer is frightened and worried. They need to express themselves, and you need to listen to them on deeper level. Then you can love them in the way they need to be loved during this time.

Gene says he now loves his wife more than ever. He says facing a situation like this makes us realize the things we may have taken for granted. We must ask ourselves, what are the things most important to us? What can we do to show that appreciation?

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Get a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Gene Villeneuve’s website – BusinessHealthResults.com

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GENE AKA "JOHNNY DEPP" :)

GENE AKA “JOHNNY DEPP” 🙂

strategic gifts with John Ruhlin

The Art of Giftology: Energize Your Business and Personal Life With Strategic Gifts with John Ruhlin

Strategic Gifts are what we call “Thoughtful Thoughts.”  Giftology author John Ruhlin tells us about the science of strategic gift giving and how it can galvanize your business and personal relationships for years to come.

About John Ruhlin

John Ruhlin is the founder of The Ruhlin Group, a gift logistics company that helps clients like the Chicago Cubs, Wells Fargo, Caesar’s Entertainment, Miami Dolphins, Morgan Stanley, and The John Maxwell Company execute year-round gifting strategies.

John’s unique approach to relationships led him to become the #1 salesman for a $250 Million direct sales company. He now speaks widely about strategic gifting and relationship building and helps CEOs and sales teams drive referrals and open doors to elusive decision makers.

John Ruhlin’s Story

John Ruhlin grew up on an Ohio farm milking goats. An overachiever all his life, John didn’t know exactly what he wanted to do. All he did know was that he didn’t want to be working on a farm for the rest of his life.

John Ruhlin says it only takes one mentor to change your life. As a young man, his mentor was his girlfriend’s dad who showed him what happens with acts of radical generosity. When John got an internship with the Cutco knife company, he achieved great success, not by selling knives, but by applying the psychology of deepening relationships by giving strategic gifts.

Now John Ruhlin sends out $250,000 a year in gifts, spending $200-500 per gift. This may sound crazy, but he says that his prospects’ time is worth that much. His small eight-person firm has landed monstrous companies by radical generosity, and when you take into account how much you might spend on restaurants and events entertaining prospects, Ruhlin’s gift expenditures are not so out of proportion. Colleagues, associates, and clients may not remember the steak they ate or the wine they drank, but a treasured gift will make them remember you again and again. It may be mind-blowing, but it’s actually smarter to reallocate resources for generous gifts instead of spending on trade shows or expensive dinners.

The Philosophy of Giftology

Did you know that giving strategic gifts can make a huge difference in your work and family life? For most men, trying to think of thoughtful gifts feels awkward. This is why guys usually ask wives to choose the gifts. So how can you choose a gift that will leave a meaningful impression that lasts?

The last thing people need is more crap. Most of us are overwhelmed by stuff we don’t need or want. But we all have room in our lives for more artifacts – the types of gifts you would save from a fire or pass down as an heirloom. This type of gifting is not a new idea. It’s old school. Our grandfathers and fathers did it. We’ve just forgotten.

Gifting Fundamentals

  • Get the spouse and family in on it – Knives are used every day in a family’s home to prepare food. This is a very intimate ritual and that is why John has had such success in selling engraved knives. His gifts became part of people’s lives. He says “try to find a gift that becomes part of the fabric of the being of that person.”
  • Make everyone look better – Giving gifts that make an executive look like a hero in front of his wife will win you extra points. Likewise, giving your wife an extraordinary surprise in front of one of her friends will amplify the effect of the gift that much more
  • No logo or promotional slogans – Adding branding or contact info to a gift defaces it.
  • No strings attached – Don’t cheapen the thought be hinting at getting something in return. Make it about the other person and they’ll put the spotlight on you.

More Strategic Gift Tips

  • Personalize the gift with the recipient’s and the spouse’s or family’s name.
  • Make sure the gift is accompanied by a handwritten note.
  • Make sure the gift is the best in its class and will last a lifetime or more.

Gifting your family

It’s more difficult to gift on a personal side, and John Ruhlin admits that he was horrible at gifting his wife, but he also says that men don’t really suck at gifting. They just suck at putting time and attention towards it.

Strategic Gift Tips for Family

  • Gift according to love language – Does your spouse appreciate your time, experiences, time for herself? What are those things your kids always want to do that you never have time for?
  • Gift outside normal times – Giving a gift on Christmas and birthdays is expected. Giving gifts on a random day has more impact because it’s not obligatory.
  • Take notes throughout the year – John Ruhlin listens to his wife and kids whenever they mention things they might like and uses Evernote to save gift ideas for later.

Parting wisdom on being a good dad

John Ruhlin is a traveling entrepreneur and a husband, but he also has three little girls all under the age of 5. As a family, they devote a lot of time and attention to cultivating faith.

He, like many parents, sometimes wondered if it’s sticking, but he has seen the power of pouring in core values at a super early age. His advice is that children’s minds can process much more complex concepts than we give them credit for. “Don’t treat them like they can’t understand.”

 

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

 

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

Connect with John Ruhlin

JohnRuhlin.com

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Giftology on Amazon

Chris Sajnog

Leading Our Family With Confidence with Chris Sajnog

Chris Sajnog, retired Navy Seal Sniper and father, comes on teh GDP and talks about lessons learned in the Seal Teams and how it relates to fathers and family.

There are always choices in every moment in our lives. Even when we think we don’t have a choice, we are always responsible for our response. Chris Sajnog, father, husband, former Navy SEAL, author and trainer shows the GDP what it takes to face those choices as our best self.

Chris Sajnog Background and Life

Chris comes from a struggling upbringing, but took those struggles and turned them into a successful life. Overcoming great adversity, Chris has developed a program that motivates individuals and teams to become their best versions. As a father, Chris inspires kids, including his own, to take responsibility for their own actions, through TEAM: Take responsibility, Encourage others, Ask for help, and Master yourself.

Taking Responsibility

It’s not always easy to do; owning our failures is hard. Not owning them, however, doesn’t teach us how to better ourselves. Instead, avoiding ownership simply delays the high probability we will make the same mistake in the future.

Encourage Others

When we help others to nurture their own talents, we are helping the greater cause. Each of us has skills and gifts that support each other; not one of us is completely equipped to handle it all. Encouraging others while sharpening our own talents strengthens the individual while providing a stronger outcome in any situation.

Ask For Help

It’s hard, but necessary. Swallowing your pride to ask when you need a hand shows that you have faith in others and are confident enough in yourself to know when you need an extra hand. Asking for help also helps to avoid embarrassing pitfalls when it’s clear you would have benefitted from another.

Master Yourself

This is critical. When we have a grip on our strengths, weaknesses and emotions, we can handle pretty much anything. When we don’t really know our true limits or how to control ourselves, our world can spiral out of control.

TEAM is not only critical for ourselves, but for those around us. As always, being the model for our children is the best way to teach them how to be their best selves.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Chris Sajnog

Chris Sajnog Website

Chris Sajnog Twitter

Chris Sajnog Facebook

Chris Sajnog LinkedIn

Chris Sajnog YouTube