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Shane Ramer

Overcoming Addition and Becoming a Dad with Purpose with Shane Ramer


Shane Ramer, founder and host of That Sober Guy Podcast, comes on the GDP and shares an extremely raw interview on addiction, substance abuse, recovery, and being a dad with purpose.  Brace yourself for this amazing interview with Shane Ramer.

It’s the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it’s there, but no one wants to say anything; better to keep the status quo than rock the boat. No one knows what will happen if the boat is rocked and that is scary. At the same time, we hate the elephant; it is destroying our family, our other relationships and possibly our job. The elephant is addiction and addiction is hard to admit. Shane Ramer, founder of thatsoberguy.com, knows this reality all too well.

 

Shane Ramer’s Childhood and Background

Growing up, Shane turned to alcohol to soothe the pain he endured dealing with a troubled childhood. As he became an adult, Shane realized that he was using alcohol to escape life’s realities and soon came face-to-face with the fact that his own marriage was struggling because of it. He hit a wall. He could not longer stand the elephant in the room. With that, he sat down with his wife and said he needed help. Shane knew he was meant for something much more than where he was.

 

Going through intensive counseling and support from his family and friends, Shane learned to manage his life as an alcoholic. Knowing that he wasn’t the only one struggling, Shane started thatsoberguy.com in order to help other men struggling with similar issues. Today, Shane is a successful businessman, husband and father, dedicated to helping men voice their fears that keep them in the bonds of addiction.

 

But I’m Not an Addict

 

We’re not saying you are, but the lessons Shane discusses reach to all men. Society is great at telling boys that real men don’t cry, “suck it up” and never show emotion. So what do you do with all that pent-up emotion? Maybe you already have a healthy way of showing emotion, or maybe you need a little liquid courage to loosen up or just maybe you can’t get to work in the morning without your daily beer. Wherever you are on the spectrum, the learning to deal with fears and emotions without bottling them up will make you and those around you much happier.

 

It’s Ok to Talk About It

 

Again, we men are great at helping others solve their problems. That’s what we think we are here for. Our own problems? What problems? Oh! You mean the ones we don’t talk about? Well, we’ll be fine. Will we? Take a look at your own life and think about areas where your bottled-up emotions eat away at your true self. What is the worst thing that is going to happen if you talk to someone about your issues? You actually may deal with them? Whoa. What about your Man Card? Guess what, it’s safe and secure and probably in better condition than it was when you kept your fears and feelings to yourself.

 

Be A Man

 

Being a man means owning up to all areas of our lives. Even our fears. Showing up as the best dad, husband, employee and friend takes guts. Owning our issues takes even more guts and grit. You’ve got it in you, so be the best man you can be right now.

Resources:

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Shane Ramer:

Shane Ramer Twitter

Shane Ramer Website

Shane Ramer That Sober Guy Podcast

Shane Ramer Private FB Page (invite/request entry only)

overcome obstacles

Have More Confidence and Overcome Any Obstacle


Overcome Obstacles with relentless determination!  In this episode, I go over three critical ways to develop more confidence, more self-esteem, and more emotional resiliency!

 

Resources:

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

courage

How to Feed Your Courage and Starve Your Fear

COURAGE is something every dad needs more of…the question becomes:  “How do we develop more of it?”

We can’t out run stress. It’s simply a fact of our daily lives. The idea that we “eliminate” stress from our life sounds great, but that means cutting out the parts that are most meaningful. Think about it: the parts of our lives that make us who we really are come from areas that bring stress: our work, our kids, our significant others. These aren’t “bad” stressors, but they are part of our lives. It’s not a matter of cutting these areas out, but a matter of how we handle them.

 

Always Darkest Before the Dawn

 

Truth. All too often, we get caught up in the negativity of our circumstances and fail to see what good might actually come out of them. Our mind will take us where we lead it. If we choose to ask questions like “why did this happen to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?” we certainly will find ourselves at the end of a self-destructive spiral of pity and self-loathing. Yuck, we’ve all been there. But, if we choose instead to view a circumstance from a state of abundance instead of scarcity, we just might see that our “negative” circumstances have a lot to teach us.

 

What are You Feeding?

 

Our attitude about stress is all about what we choose to feed: fear or courage. We’ve talked about feeding the Fear or the Courage Wolf before and this is exactly what we have been encouraging. Choosing to nurture the Courage Wolf through affirmation statements gives us the strength to get through the circumstance and persevere. Whereas feeding the Fear Wolf only strengthens our stress, making us anxious and eventually paralyzing us from taking any positive action.

 

Choosing the Statement

 

It doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple phrase like, “I’ve got this” in moments of even the greatest doubts will trigger our minds to think in a state of positive action. Navy Seals even use these statements to get through their most difficult moments in training and the field (see the Mark Divine episode for more!). Like anything in life, how we confront stress is how our mind and body will respond. What it boils down to is the fact that we simply don’t give our minds enough credit for what they are really capable of.

 

It’s About the Questions

 

And what it also comes down to are the questions we ask ourselves. Really, how positive is it to ask ourselves, “what did I do to get here?”. After this question, your mind will tell you EXACTLY what you did to get “here”. Because our minds go where we ask them to go, we tend to lead them down a negative path with this line of questioning. A better, more positive question might be, “what can I learn from this event?”. Through this type of questioning we will find ourselves better poised to handle whatever the stressor might be and learn from it for the next time around.

 

We’ve just touched the surface here. Knowing that we, as men, face the societal challenge to be strong and unbending, we tend to shy away from anything that others might perceive as “weak”. But instead of suffering in silence from these stressors, learning to reprogram how we deal with them will only strengthen our relationships and better our lives.

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 THE FLOW CHART MENTIONED

courage

abundance

Abundance versus Scarcity


Hey guys for this week’s “Five Minute Thursday” I wanted to highlight a few takeaways from our interview with Jason Mackenzie, founder of the The Book of Open.

Abundance Empowerment through Vulnerability

For most men, we associate vulnerability with weakness.  To be honest, even hearing the word “vulnerable” my first thought is “unwanted exposure to weakness.”  However, vulnerability is a strength.  Vulnerability is empowerment through authenticity, which is being true to one’s self.

I have been working with men/fathers for the past three years, and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if men are going to be “vulnerable” with each other, it has to be in an atmosphere or situation where it “cool thing.”

I can tell you from experience that men will check out when you start talking about sensitive stuff like “let’s share our feelings.”  Men simply don’t respond to that when in the presence of another man.  In fact, it’s even hard for us to do this with our wives for the most part.

However, men are good at one thing…problem solving.  We love to problem solve.  We feel empowered when we share our wisdom and give advice.  To be honest, being vulnerable is sharing a struggle or an obstacle and simply asking for input.

The way to kick start a “cool atmosphere” of vulnerability is to ask for advice from a friend.

Here’s an example that will really hit this home…If you are sitting across that table with a friend and he says:

“Hey Mike, I am struggling in my marriage and I need to share my feelings with you about it.”

OR

“Hey Mike…man…so check this out, Jen and I are having some tough times lately.  There is a ton of tension between Jen and me.  I can’t really figure out how to get things back in the groove.  Have you and Becky been through this?  If so, how can you help me out man?”

Which one of those sounds better and would be received better?  It’s the same dilemma and situation…just teed up better.

Abundance versus Scarcity

Jason hit upon a great topic that is powerful for all of us and that is having the right mentality.  Our brains are wired up to default to fear and keep us from danger.  This part of our brain is the amygdala and it has been a part of our hardwired DNA since the beginning.  This is the part of our brain where we hear the voice of fear and consequences.  It’s the same part of your brain that will talk you out of risks and tells you are not good enough.  It’s not our fault; it’s just part of our hardwiring.

It takes a trained and disciplined mind to look at our lives with abundance vs. scarcity.  Successful people don’t think about what they are going to lose by taking a calculated risk.  Successful people consider what they will lose if they don’t take a calculated risk and move forward.

So, the next time that fear voice starts to bend your ear, remember the words of wisdom from Jason Mackenzie on this subject.  It’s all about perspective and reframing.

No One Relates to Perfection

I grew up in the 80’s and I was a die-hard WWF professional wrestling fan.  Hulk Hogan, Rick Flair, Jimmy Superfly, and so-on were my heroes.  The most hated guys in that sport at that time was “Mr. Perfect and Mr. Wonderful.”  Want to know why?  It’s because no one can relate to inflated egos and perfection.

People relate to real-life authenticity and transparency.  Our greatest human need is the need for community and relationships.  It’s impossible for us to relate to others that view themselves as superhuman or “perfect.”

The big lesson here is there is connection and empowerment through being authentic, vulnerable, and transparent.  People relate to us better in that mindset and we are more willing to accept ourselves.

Guys, thanks for checking out this week’s “Five Minute Thursday.”  See you next week and have an awesome weekend!

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

Links

Jason’s Links:

Jason’s  Twitter

Jason’s Blog The Book of Open

Jason’s Facebook

Thank you for checking out this week’s show, Abundance versus Scarcity, with Jason MacKenzie, Founder of the Book of Open.

Joel Louis

Creating a Career and Life that Work for You with Joel Louis

Joel Louis on work/life balance, pursuing your dreams, finding your passion in your career, and doing it all while giving 100% to your family…enjoy!

What Joel Louis has to say about being laid off

You’re panicked. You’ve lost your job and you look around your house to see your beautiful family, the home you’ve built with so many memories and now it seems like it might be in jeopardy if you don’t find a new avenue for income. It’s one of life’s curve balls. Yes, you’ve contacted your business network and put feelers out there for job opportunities, but there’s a little ache in your heart because you want to do something more with your life.

So, maybe the job loss isn’t necessarily a negative. Maybe it’s an opportunity to do what you have really wanted to do with your life and your career. Think about it. Even if you haven’t been in the position of losing a job, maybe you simply would like to step out of the corporate world and into entrepreneurship.

Now is the time

What do you do to identify what business to start? Find ways to add value and identify a need. Not only will this satisfy your desire to be your own boss, but it will also allow you to create the type of lifestyle for your family. The key is just to start. Even if it’s thirty to sixty minutes a day, work on your business idea to start developing your entrepreneurship. Yes, it may take a few sacrifices (cutting expenses), but in the end, living the life you want is definitely worth the shift.

Become a part of a community

It might help to become part of a community of like-minded individuals (you know, like The Good Dad Project!) that help to push you when you need it. Surrounding yourself with people who think like you builds you up and makes you more successful. Not only that, but it helps when you go through the struggles of building your business or finding that work-life balance to be able to share ideas.  Remember, too, that this is going to take patience. It’s going to take effort every day, not just a bit here and there.

Start your day off right!

So why not start every day off right? Your morning routine will be critical in making sure your dream is a success. Start with what works for you be it mediation, exercise, etc. and then, once you’ve gotten to your office, knock out the most important item on your to-do list. That way, it’s done and everything else is secondary.

Leave your legacy and find your balance

And, of course, the reason you are doing this is for your family. Many times we struggle to make sure we are paying enough attention to both work and our spouse and children. The key is to make your work fit your life. But most importantly, it’s important for your kids to see you continuing to develop yourself. In other words, be there for your kids, but don’t lose yourself in them. In all of this, remember that you are leaving a legacy. Your kids want you to be happy and will learn from you how to find their own happiness through your example. They will learn how to handle life’s curve balls.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

The Dads Edge Book

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Joel Louis Links:

Books:

Links Mentioned:

If you enjoyed this episode Joel Louis on Create a Career and a Life that Work for You let us know. Leave your comments below as we would love to hear your thoughts so we can continue to provide you with content you enjoy.