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Keep Love Alive

3 Ways to Keep Love Alive

In this episode of Thursday Throwdown, we are going to talk about our wives. As men, we have a hard time balancing our relationships, especially when kids come into the picture. Most of the time, it’s the relationship with the woman in our life that gets put on the back burner. We get lazy. We take it for granted. This is when our marriages are in danger of becoming stagnant. So how can we feed our relationship to keep love alive? Here are three ways.

Never stop courting your spouse

When we first meet our spouse, we are respectful and conscientious. We constantly compliment her and focus all our attention on her. We have to keep the courtship going.

Have purposeful undistracted conversations every day

Our partner feels love and connection when we listen to her. Make sure you’re not looking at the TV or checking your phone when she’s talking to you.

Set aside special quality time alone

Make date night a priority. It’s not a luxury, but a necessity. Don’t feel guilty for leaving the kids. They might need a break from you too.

 

I also recapped last week’s episode with P90X founder, Tony Horton. If you missed that episode, catch it here.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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DISCOUNT EXTENDED: $25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

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talk about lack of sex

How to Talk About Lack of Sex with Your Spouse

In this week’s Thursday Throwdown, I follow up on Nell Gibbon Daly’s episode and give you the highlights of how to talk about lack of sex with your spouse.

Sex is a big deal in a relationship, but when two people are married for a long time it might rarely happen or even become nonexistent.

Men don’t want to bring up sex issues because they’re afraid it will start a fight. Women don’t say anything because they’re afraid they’ll hurt their partner’s ego, but not talking about it is the worst thing a couple can do.

The number one factor in a healthy sex-life is communication. In order to be able to talk about sex without hurting each other or fighting about it is to:

  1. Set your ego aside. Take your pride out of it and just listen.
  2. Be open to suggestions and solutions.
  3. Talks as friends. Don’t use a man vs. woman approach, but a friend to friend approach.

 

Referenced Episodes:

Level Up Your Life Through Ruthless Self Evaluation

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


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RESOURCES

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


 

nell gibbon daly men women and sex

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly

A healthy sex life is crucial to a happy and harmonious relationship, but sex is one of the most difficult things for men to talk about. Today our second ever female guest, Nell Gibbon Daly, talks with us frankly about sex and how we can make breakthroughs in communication to improve intimacy and experience amazing sex. (EXPLICIT)

Nell Gibbon Daly

Nell Gibbon Daly is a psychotherapist, author, TV commentator, and TEDx speaker. She frequently appears on FOX news and other networks and is reaching 19 million viewers a month. She has sat through 20,000 hours as a psychotherapist and her practice now consists of about 80% male patients. She  enjoys helping men specifically and caters to highly successful executives and artists. Nell is a divorced mother of three who grew up in an Irish immigrant family. Surrounded by alpha male older brothers, she’s been used to navigating through tough guys all her life. Nell considers it a gift to learn how the male psyche works, and wants to act as a translator between men and the women of the world.

Lack of Sex: what’s missing?

Some members of our private The Dad’s Edge Facebook group have shared the fact that they have gone long periods without having any sex with their spouses. This is not as uncommon as you might think, but most of us are reluctant to bring up the lack of sex because we’re afraid to hurt our wife’s feelings or trigger an argument. This lack of communication builds resentment, and resentment leads to the destruction of intimacy and a poor sex life.

Why don’t we communicate?

Men have no idea how to ask for what they want and need. We are afraid of appearing vulnerable, especially to those closest to us. Maybe we want to confide, but we don’t want to seem weak. Instead of venting our stresses and fears, we turn to food, alcohol, or TV to bury the pain. These coping mechanisms block opportunities for intimacy and distance ourselves even further from our partners.

How can we ease the pressure?

Women have no idea how much pressure a man is under because we hide it so well. Our egos can’t handle the thought of people knowing that maybe we’re not on top of everything. Nell Gibbon Daly explains that while women value themselves for beauty, men value themselves by how much money they make. The tremendous financial pressure, especially when there are children to take care of, can be crushing. Men feel ashamed to expose their vulnerability and are afraid to go into the pain. In this modern age, men have lost their community and are isolated. We bury our pain with addiction and sex. We suffer depression and anxiety, and this infiltrates our home life and relationships, all the way to the bedroom.

Nell Gibbon Daly says that if you don’t face the pain, you will never get out of it, and if you don’t feel comfortable talking to a spouse, friend, or family member, you need to find a therapist to help you work through your issues.

What are we doing wrong?

Seeing a woman really into sex is the biggest turn on for a man, and Nell Gibbon Daly says the biggest complaint she hears from men is that their wives don’t seem to be enjoying sex. Believe it or not, your wife’s lack of enthusiasm might have nothing to do with your looks or physical performance. “If you have resentment in marriage, she’s not going to look like she’s into giving a blowjob.”

Nell also reveals that during all her hours listening to women’s stories, their most common complaint was that their men were too controlling. Women need to be relaxed to enjoy sex, and your wife cannot relax if you’re uptight.

She further warns men not to assume that the way you’re touching her feels good. Your partner may be lying because she doesn’t want to hurt you. But protecting each other’s egos prevents husbands and wives from getting to the truth and couples are not having great sex because they’re not talking about it.

How do we approach our partners about sex?

Couples will have sex in a certain way for years. Both might find it routine and unsatisfying, but will endure for a lifetime rather than risk hurting the other’s feelings. How can we approach our partner if we want something different? How do we explore each other’s fantasies? Here are a few tips from Nell Gibbon Daly.

  • Create a space where your partner feels safe to talk – Make sure you’re alone. Send the kids to their grandparents. Find an environment to inspire open communication, like the freedom of the outdoors.
  • Build up intimacy beforehand – spend quality time with your spouse to create a sense of closeness and safety before bringing up a difficult subject.
  • Let go of your ego – don’t be afraid to let your guard down. Making yourself vulnerable gives your partner power to do the same.
  • Don’t underestimate your partner’s ability to expand – Will she see me as a failure? Will she think I’m perverted? Will she judge me? These are thoughts that prevent us from sharing our fears, desires, and fantasies with our wives, but how will you know how she will feel about it unless you tell her?

What do we say?

Nell Gibbon Daly says to begin the conversation as best friends – not as man and woman, but as two human beings. Have a more complex conversation, not just focusing on your needs, but hers. For example, “Is there something I’m not doing for you inside and outside the bedroom to make you feel sexier and want to be intimate anymore?”

This level of honesty is not without risk

It’s possible that confronting issues that have been so long buried will be the demise of your relationship. Once you say it out loud, you can’t take it back, but hiding these things will kill the relationship eventually anyway. Daly says you must break each other down in order to grow and that the “pain can become a place of eroticism.”

In the end, just be authentic

The most incredible men Nell Gibbon Daly has met were the ones who were vulnerable. There’s nothing worse than someone who is boring, and boring people are the ones obsessed with being perfect or looking perfect. You are who you are. Be yourself. “There’s nothing sexier than owning it.”


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Nell Gibbon Daly

Nelldaly.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram


 

 

better man

How Your Tribe Will Make You a Better Man with Ryan Michler

Ryan Michler is the creator of the Order of Man Community and Podcast, which teaches men how to live with purpose, achieve self-mastery, and create a legacy. Today he tells why it’s important for men to become part of a tribe and how that tribe will help you become a better man.

Ryan Michler and the Order of Man

Ryan Michler’s father left when he was three-years-old. His first step dad was an alcoholic, and though he wasn’t abusive, he was not present as a parent. His second stepfather was successful, but emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative. Still, Ryan didn’t didn’t know what a good dad was supposed to be, so he didn’t know what he was missing. It wasn’t until high school when he saw how his friends’ dads’ behaved that he became aware of the void in his life.

This lack of a father caused Ryan to suffer from a lack of confidence and self-esteem issues. He wanted to be liked and accepted by everyone and changed himself to fit in. After his first marriage failed, he endured the darkest time of his life. He knew he wasn’t operating like a man should. This convinced him to go to work on improving himself.

Now Ryan Michler has been married for twelve years and is a father of four kids. As a dad who grew up without a true father figure, he saw a huge need for learning about what it means to be a man. He started Order of Man to form a tribe of men who can learn from each other and support one another.

Why do men need a tribe?

Women are there for us in a nurturing way, but sometimes we tough love and the insights of other men who have gone what we’ve gone through. Men get emotionally attached to their situations and decisions, it’s difficult to look at our own problems objectively. We need a third-party perspective to give us advice when our thoughts and feelings are clouding our judgement.

How does a tribe work?

Men are raised to be self-reliant and wary of people. We hate to expose our weaknesses or admit when we’re not on top of everything. A tribe is a safe place to share fears and worries about subjects we don’t normally talk about. When we’re going through a time of uncertainty and weakness, we can turn to those with the qualities we’re lacking and learn from them. When we’re feeling strong in life, we can help others by sharing how we’ve overcome a similar experience.

How do we find a tribe?

Operating in packs is how men thrive. To be strong, we need to tie into other people, but it’s up to us to seek out a tribe and be consistent. Ryan suggest dipping your toe in the water. Look at your immediate circle. Who is doing well in areas you’re struggling with? Ask for advice where you see strength in others. Share something light and then build on that. You can also start by joining an online tribe like Order of Man and The Good Dad Project.

Ryan Michler’s Parting Piece of Dad Wisdom

Don’t ever use your kids and family as an excuse not to take care of yourself.

This sounds selfish at first, but it’s actually the most unselfish thing you can do. If you’re constantly draining yourself, you won’t have the mental or physical energy to be a good dad or husband. Begin burned out all the time will build resentment and put a strain on your marriage.

Ryan recommends carving out a time to get together with other men doings something you enjoy. Schedule it in advance. Communicate it to your wife and family so they are in on it you won’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. He also says it won’t work if you just go through the motions. Give your attention fully to the activity so you’re invigorated and mentally restored when you come home. Then you’ll have refilled your tank so you can serve others again.


RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Ryan Michler

Website:

orderofman.com

Podcast:

Order of Man

Social Media:

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

 

5-love-languages

The 5 Love Languages and How They Made My Marriage Thrive

Miscommunication is responsible for many relationships problems, but showing love isn’t just about saying the words.

Today, my wife Jessica is our very special guest! She joins me to discuss the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and why it’s so important to learn your spouse’s love language.

In this episode we share our personal experience and

  1. what the 5 love languages are.
  2. what happened in our relationships when we showed love in the wrong love language.
  3. how communicating in each other’s love language allowed our relationship to thrive.

 

RESOURCES

Download this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Get a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links