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Why Kids Quit Sports

The Hidden Secrets to Why Kids Quit Sports

Playing sports teaches our kids life lessons, but today, 70% of kids quit sports by the age of thirteen. We’re going to Coach Jim and Coach Steve from Coach Baseball Right to talk about the hidden secrets to why kids quit sports and how we, as parents or coaches, can change our strategies to encourage and motivate them in the right way.

The shocking trend is that most kids quit sports before high school. Many kids give up because they don’t view it as fun or do not get along with the coach. How can we dads encourage our own athletes or coach a whole team?

We all have the best intentions with our kids, but what if our encouraging words weren’t so encouraging, and what we’re saying isn’t what they’re hearing? What if we actually put more pressure on them?

Where We Get It Wrong

We want kids to win. Of course, we do. We shout in the stands and push them to work hard, but we make a mistake when we focus on the result. There will be inevitable losses and disappointments. When our kids feel the only point of playing sports is competing and winning, they lose interest when they can’t meet these expectations. The best way to begin changing this mindset is to ask ourselves, what do we want our kids to get out of sports?

In the popular youth sports culture today, many parents want kids to play sports for the future. They use games and events as a place to showcase their kid’s skills. They make sure their children are among the best players to have better chances for exposure to get into college. It’s not even about the team anymore, but the individual.

This takes the fun out of sports. The things parents hope they’re going to achieve and the money they’re spending for a collegiate sport experience are often unrealistic. Most kids will not grow up to be a professional athlete, and it might be better to ease up on the performance pressure and focus on enjoying the journey.

We Miss What Sport Can Do for Our Kids

The real reason for getting our kids into sports is to see that they’re happy, healthy, and running around. They are experiencing difficult life lessons, learning to be part of a team, and learning how to win and lose.

For many parents, the instinct is to protect kids from feeling failure or disappointment. Other parents go crazy in the stands and want their kids to win no matter what.  Some parents feel shame or anger when their kids lose. They feel it’s a reflection on them and their parenting. This type of approach to sports is damaging. Children need to fail to learn. They also need to know they are loved and valued whether they win or lose. Winning is great, but not the most important thing. The key is to set helpful expectations.

Parents need to check their ego

As parents, we need to check our ego and remember that it’s not our time. It’s our kids’ time. It’s all about them, not about us or our ideas of what we want for them.

Anticipate beforehand that our kid is going to make mistakes, and whenever they do, they’re going to look up at us to see our reaction. No matter what happens, the most important thing to remember is this:

Your kid should always see the same you. Win or lose, when they look up, make sure you’re there with an encouraging smile.

We shouldn’t tell them where they went wrong, or berate them for mistakes. They will not take a chance on a shot or play if we look upset with their performance. We must simply enjoy the game, and be there for them. When it’s over, say “I really enjoyed watching you play.” Kids need to know the most important thing is 100% effort, and that we had fun and are proud of them for taking risks and giving it their all.

Our Monumental Roles as Mentors and Coaches

We undervalue the impact we have on kids’ lives, but just think about the impact coaches and mentors have had on your development. How did the good ones help you? How did the bad ones affect you? We need a better awareness of the cost of the decisions we’re making so that we’re more mindful of how we behave.

We must take the higher road for our kids. Our coaching should leave them so that they want more at the end of a season, not be glad that it’s over.

Coaches need to have honest talks with parents about expectations. We need to help all those people who are well-meaning but got it all wrong. There’s human way to handle it and a right way. Our children are watching how we behave. We need to set an honorable example.

Know why you’re there

Sports are to help kids prepare for life. Yes, we want to win, but we must focus on developing our kids. If we know why we’re there – to enjoy the ups and downs, the challenges, and the learning process – all our actions will fall into place. We’ll be aware of when we’re hard on our kids for making mistakes, and this will keep the ego in check. We need to give kids the chance to be successful on their own.

Don’t miss the teachable moments

There are opportunities to teach when bad things happen. We don’t want to miss the chance to use them as a lesson and set a good example. We must take advantage of a teachable moment. After the game, we can share what we did and why.

Dad Wisdom

From Coach Steve: Don’t try to keep your kids from failing. Just be there for them.

From Coach Jim: Try to see the world from your kids’ eyes. Things will go smoother and you can enjoy being a dad more.

 

Referenced episode: Breaking the World of Impossible with Todd Stottlemyre

 

Learn how to coach baseball right with 7 days of FREE access.

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Guest Links

CoachBaseballRight.com

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win at losing

How to Teach Our Kids to Win at Losing with Sam Weinman

On today’s episode of The Good Dad Project, Sam Weinman tells us how to talk to our kids about failure and how to win at losing by using defeat as fertile ground for growth.

Sam Weinman

SAM WEINMAN is the digital editor of Golf Digest. Prior to that, he was a senior writer for The Journal News in Westchester County, New York, where he was honored with multiple national writing awards for his coverage of the PGA Tour and the National Hockey League. His work has also appeared in USA Today, Golf World, Yahoo! Sports, ESPN the Magazine, and Sports Illustrated. A graduate of the University of New Hampshire, he lives with his wife and two sons in Rye, New York, where he coaches multiple youth sports teams.

Win at Losing

Win at Losing is an engaging, inspiring exploration of the surprising value of setbacks—and how we can use them to succeed. Sam Weinman wrote this book with his kids in mind. He has two boys aged 9 and 11, and watched them struggle with losing. It was a theme he found himself revisiting with them whenever they experienced disappointment in school, sports, or friends. Sam knew that there was an upside to losing and he wanted to impress that concept on his boys with tangible examples. He set out to meet people who lost and benefitted from it, and this became the foundation for win at Losing.

Sam Weinman says he was always drawn to the losing athletes more than the winners and highlights examples of people who experienced epic failure, but persevered through it and became better people as a result.

Talking to Kids About Losing

Winning Isn’t Everything – To some degree we all live vicariously through our children and we sometimes enjoy their victories as much as they do. It’s human nature to celebrate success. Because of this, when our kids lose and there is no praise or celebration, it conveys a message that they aren’t worth as much. Don’t focus on the outcomes. Praise the effort. You may not even want to attend all your kids’ events so your children will know that their value is not derived from how they perform in school or sports.

Encourage Them to Try Their Best – It’s important for kids to learn to process disappointment in a way that’s not just self-pity and feeling worthless. As dads, we must learn how to effectively have conversations with our kids so they know that it’s okay to fail and that there is huge value in giving their best.

But Use “Try Your Best” Lightly – We need our kids to understand that life is about results. They will always be accountable to a grade or score. Just saying they did their best is not enough. There is effort, and there’s real effort. There must be exertion there, and the older ours kids get, the more they will be able to tell deep down inside whether they gave it their all or not.

Don’t Push Too Hard – We want to push encourage kids to succeed, and we should be critical about them not giving their full effort, but there is a fine line to be aware of. If we push too much, we can burn them out and turn them off. Sam says he checks in with his sons and asks them if he’s too hard on them. One his sons is receptive to being pushed and tells him it’s okay, while his other son takes too much pushing as criticism. Each child is different.

Remember This Above All – In a lifetime with your child, sports will likely be a small part of your relationship. Make sure you’re not damaging the overall bond you have with your child by pushing them to hard.

Sam Weinman’s Dad Wisdom

As dads, we need to resist the urge to try to solve all our kids’ problems. When we give into this urge, we are taking away their ability to solve problems on their own. They need the skills to work through challenges and the only way they learn this by making mistakes.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Sam Weinman’s Links

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Amazon

Golf Digest


The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach

Learn how to coach baseball right with 7 days of FREE access.

 


win

It’s Not All About The Win!

“WIN!!  You have to WIN!!”  How many times do we shout this from the stands in a little league game?

The coach forcefully grabs the player by the face mask, an inch away from the player’s face. Coach’s screams are audible to the fans in the bleachers as his beet-red face looks as if it’s about to explode. The player, defenselessly taking the punishment cannot really hear the coach as his ears are ringing from the sheer volume of the yells. No, this is not pro or even college ball, it’s pee-wee football. If your child plays sports, you’ve undoubtedly witnessed coaches or parents who go to any length to ensure their child gets the win. Even if the tactics aren’t exactly child-friendly or nurturing, the adults are so invested in getting the win, they have little regard for how their child gets it.

What Are They Playing For?

It may seem obvious that a child should play a sport because they like it. However, there are times when parents have their kids play a sport because “I played soccer, so of course my kid’s going to play”, or “I never had a chance to be quarterback. I want my child to at least have that opportunity.” Is it more about our satisfaction or because our child truly has an interest in that endeavor? Sure the sport may build their confidence and camaraderie, but maybe it’s not their dream, but yours.

Win Values

When a child does play a sport, it’s the experience of playing that is most crucial to their development, not the win. We’ve heard time and again on the GDP that failure is one of the best gifts we can give our kids. When they always win, they don’t have a chance to fully grow, limiting their chance for success in the future. On the other hand, teaching a child to develop in all facets of the sport, including sportsmanship and winning and losing gracefully sets the tone for a healthy child and a brighter future for them.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

sean whalen

Sean Whalen Taking 100% Responsibility and Being a Lion Not a Sheep

Sean Whalen, founder of “Lions Not Sheep” comes on the GDP Podcast to share his views on masculinity, being a father, and taking ownership.

Blame. It’s what we do when we can’t face our own responsibility for failures in our life. It’s so easy for us to point to the plank in someone else’s eye when it’s too hard for us to look at our own plank. Sean Whalen, founder of Lions Not Sheep, explains his own struggle to get to the point where he could be the best person for himself and others.

Sean Whalen and Why Lions Eat First

It is so easy for us to take care of others, thinking that if we just do what we think everyone else wants us to do, that all will be well. When we aren’t getting the response from others we expect from these actions, then we get frustrated and tend to give up. The situation may seem counterintuitive, but if we look at investing in ourselves first, we can show up so much more for others. So, be the lion who eats first so you can be strong for your pride.

Wrong Signal

We have been taught through our upbringing, religion, society that we can’t be selfish. No, you shouldn’t step on others to get what you want, but taking time to get yourself right can only improve your relationships and make you a better person. Happiness can only come from within.  We find ways to block out that negative wrong signal by whatever means necessary to get to the best version of you.

Don’t Be Prideful

As men, when we struggle, we internalize the struggle. Where we fail is when we don’t turn to others who have been through a similar struggle, and we flounder. Giving ourselves the “ok” to get help, we find that we are more successful when we have the tools to get out of the proverbial hole.  Swallow that pride, get out and find the help you need from someone who’s been there, and get better.

Sean Whalen and Failing Forward

We have to be real. Real in every aspect of our lives: our kids, our spouse, our job. In a world where everything is politically correct, we need to learn it’s ok to fail, to learn to fail forward and be better because of our failures. Doing so will only set the correct example for our kids and those around us. Being the lion in your own life only resonates to others to be the best version of themselves.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

JOIN US FOR FOR THE SEALFIT 2oX on June 24th at Vail Lake, CA HERE.  Use “GOODDAD10” for the coupon code and save 10%

Checkout Unbeatable Mind Online HERE

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

Sean Whalen Links:

Sean Whalen Website

Sean Whalen Lions Not Sheep Experience

Thanks for checking out this week’s show with Sean Whalen

bret johnson

Being a Coach, a Dad, and Raising Strong Daughters with Bret Johnson

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Bret Johnson knows being a dad.  He knows being a coach of youth sports.  He knows how to raise a confident strong daughter.

Bret Johnson

Bret Johnson is the driving force behind Team Johnson.  He runs the all of the day-to-day management of the business, in addition to business strategy, event planning, management, and logistics for any Team Johnson or Chalene Johnson appearances.  He negotiates all contracts, handles all sponsors and partner relationships, and coordinates and communicates with all who are a part of the Team Johnson Affiliate Program.  In addition, Bret works one-on-one with a small hand selected group that he coaches on personal, spiritual, and business development.  Bret is the former owner and CFO of Powder Blue Productions as well as the Turbo Wear clothing line that he and Chalene created together. He has also built and sold several multimillion-dollar fitness and lifestyle companies.

Bret Johnson began his career as a Quarterback at UCLA and Michigan State University, and later finished his career in the CFL with the Toronto Argonauts and Atlanta Falcons.  Bret has preserved his love and passion for football by coaching High School Football at Mission Viejo High School with his father and brother.

Bret will be the first to tell you that his greatest accomplishment is raising two amazing kids.

It’s a Girl’s World

Let’s face it: there are definite differences between raising boys versus girls. Beyond the stereotypical pink versus blue, girls are just made differently. They typically have different interests than boys and they respond to stimuli differently. A girl’s world can be complex and helping your daughter navigate these waters as a father can seem overwhelming. But, there is hope; after all, even though she may sometimes seem other-worldly, your daughter is human.

The Basics

Just like sons, daughters need to feel love and validation from their fathers. Remember dads, the relationship your daughter has with you will create the foundation for the relationships she has with other men in her future. Reinforce how much you accept her for who she is, her interests, and the fact that you will always be there for her. She needs this, particularly in the world children will live in as adults.

 

Social Media

At no other time in history has it been easier to find out who is doing what and when, what the latest diet fad is, who is the hottest celebrity, and, maybe most frightening, bullying. And that’s where girls can be hit the hardest, right on line. It’s easy to make fun of others behind a screen and say hurtful things, demean another’s character, or even more devastating to a girl, criticize her appearance. Dads, here is where you can play a vital role, be active in her online media life. Yep, let her know you are watching what she is doing, not so much that you are concerned with her behavior, but how others interact with her. And, if necessary, model positive online behavior and communication so that she can see how to best represent herself to others in this media.

 

“Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat?”

 

Even in an age where a variety of body types are getting more positive media coverage, the skinny models still barrage our girls in the checkout lines of every store. It seems that no matter what they hear about their image, girls still want to look like what they see in the magazines. Your job, dad, is to remind her that those models are airbrushed and that skinny is not always healthy.

 

Be Proactive

Dad, it’s not as hard as you think. She’s your daughter, she loves you and she is looking to you to see how to respond to men in a positive way. Raising a strong daughter means that she feels comfortable in her own skin, she can communicate effectively with all people and that she has the courage to pursue her own passions. Don’t worry, you won’t break her; she’s tougher than you think!

 

Resources:

REGISTER FOR “THE DRIVEN FOR EXCELLENCE SUMMIT”  Register ==>HERE<==

Driven for Excellence Summit Flyer

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Bret Johnson:

The Hangry Chef

Bret Johnson Facebook

Bret Johnson Website

Bret Johnson Twitter

Thanks for checking out this week’s episode with Bret Johnson on Raising Strong Daugthers